Chapter 11

Tomorrow isn't a blessing... not even in disguise.

      She waited patiently, leaning up against the back side of the car. She didn't mind waiting. It was one of her dream days with the sun's gentle rays kissing her exposed arms and shoulders, and the subtle breeze tickling the hairs on her arms in a warm caress. But she didn't notice- she couldn't notice. It wasn't the wait that made her edgy but the way Bobby Joe kept looking at her and then back at Kim. She was too far away to hear what he was saying but she could hear his tone. She didn't like it. It was accusing and demeaning. The snarl on his lips almost perminent, she could see spittle fly toward Kim but thankfully they were far enough apart that it didn't land on her. His finger in Kim's face and his contorted expression told Rene` it was time for them to leave. She couldn't believe Bobby Joe would have acted like that toward her, let alone Kim. They were close, despite their bickering about money, but they were close and Rene` couldn't help but feel responsibible for the seperation.

     "It's against the Lord!" He was right up in her face now with a threatening fist near Kim's face but she didn't flinch. That was one of the many things Rene` loved about Kim- she didn't let anyone intimidate her with violence. "You have sinned! Sinned beyond redemption!" The neighbors walking by stared in disbeleif at the fighting pair in the front lawn but they didn't stay for very long.

     "I have not slept with her." Kim's voice was even, almost calm as Rene` walked up beside her to encourage her to leave. What she didn't realize, she had walked directly into the path of destruction.

     "You vile little Devil," Bobby growled at Rene` in disgust.

     "You have defiled my daughter and caused her to sin in the most wrongful ways." He pushed his way past Kim, which was a hard enough task, and came face to face with Rene`.

     "You have overstayed your welcome and I do not want to see you anywhere near this house again." He was only met by silence as fear gripped Rene`'s chest and her mind went elsewhere.

 

     You filthy little devil! How could you do this to me?" He slapped her hard enough for her to see stars in her peripherial. "Why would you say that to her?! WHY?" Another hard slap as she stayed silent. In a rage, her step-brother flung himself on her and started hitting her with all his strength. She tried to scream but his hand silenced any sound that could have come out of her mouth by wrapping his fingers around her delicate throat. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU, YOU B***H!"

     The look in his eyes frightened her even more than his fists plummeting down on her did. She looked up at him and didn't turn away, no matter how hard he hit her, she was going to make sure he knew she wouldn't back down. She was tired of him controling everything she did from the time she could remember. She was going to do what she wanted to do, not what he wanted her to do. Yes, she was terrified, but she was even more stubborn- even at the young age of 6.

 

     Still stuck in her memories, sound began to come back from the front lawn at Kim's house as Bobby Joe continued to rant and rave about the Bible to Rene` and how homosexuality was a sin. The look in Bobby Joe's eyes was the same look her brother had had that terrifying day. She was scared of him more than she had ever been scared since that day. The ravage glint, the spit dripping down his chin, his raised fist- all of that didn't help her to keep herself calm and when he took another step to her, her normal reserve shattered. Rene` planted one foot behind herself and shoved Bobby Joe backward. She didn't even realize what she did until he was already on the ground, stunned to silence.

     "Don't you ever raise your hand to me or Kim again!" She took a step closer to him and squatted in front of him so she could be level. "You may not agree with mine and Kim's relationship, but that does not give you the right to judge us." She stood up and started to walk toward the car and decided she had one more thing to say. Turning all the way around to watch him pick himself up, she said, "Besides, your God sees all sin equally. So, unrightful judgement is weighed the same as homosexuality. We are all sinners with equal status, according to your God."

　

     The house was out of view, along with Bobby Joe, when Rene` started to shake uncontrollably. She hadn't meant to push Bobby Joe, let alone push him so hard. The overwhelming fear she felt was sickening but the overwhelming hatred she felt was even worse. Angry tears rolled down her cheeks and onto her hands folded neatly in her lap. She bowed her head in silent repreve and disgust in herself for wanting to hit Bobby Joe. She had never wanted to hit someone so much in her entire life- not even her step-brother. The unbeleiving truth stared at her in the side mirror of the door. She feared what she looked like in that moment of anger. She almost didn't have the strength to stop where she did and the more she looked back on how she reacted, her stomach coiled in little knots.

     "It could've been worse." The whispered sentence hung in the air like a dark cloud between them. Rene` didn't bother to look at Kim. She already knew what she looked like- sad eyes filled with the knowledge that she now couldn't go home without begging her father to allow her back, and she wasn't the begging type. Rene` never felt so ashamed in her life.

     "I'm sorry, Kim," the words barely audible over the purr of the engine, "I didn't mean to push him. I don't know what got into me..." The cab of the car seemed to sophocate Rene` until she gave in and rolled down the window. The wind whipped through her hair, causing her face to sting in places where her hair slapped her. Fresh tears streamed down her face like a waterfall and she finally looked at Kim. "I didn't mean to do that. I only came to get you so we could leave. I never meant to lose my temper like that." She looked down at her hands in her lap again and realized they were in tight little fists and her nails were digging into her palms. Her blood and tears trickled down and onto her jeans, staining them a nasty brown.

     Kim pulled over into a parking lot and got out. Rene` watched her as she walked into the store and walked back out a couple minutes later. She handed Rene` a pack of cigarettes through the window and stared at her with her passive brown eyes. "You didn't mean to and you obviously feel really bad about it all, so I don't have a reason to be angry with you." Kim looked at the pack in Rene`'s hand and sighed. She took it back and shook two out. She lit both at the same time and handed one to Rene`. "You're beating yourself up more about this than I am. He's an a*s anyway and he shouldn't have raised his hand to you."

     "He shouldn't have raised his hand to you, either, Kim," Rene` took a long drag and let the smoke trail out of her nose as Kim waved an impatient hand as if him raising his hand to her was allowed.

     "It wouldn't be the first time he's raised his hand to me and it probably won't be the last." She looked up at the sky and a faint smile slowly spread across her lips. "I'm just glad this time it was an empty threat."

     "What?" Rene` forgot about her cigarette and it fell in her lap. "Oh, s**t! Ow!" She quickly picked it up and stared at Kim in disbeleif. "He's hit you before?"

     "Yeah. He's even broken my arm once but that doesn't matter." Her nonchalant tone pissed Rene` off.

     "He should never lay his hands on you," Rene` raised her voice a little to much and passerbys looked at her but she didn't care because Kim was the only person that mattered. "Ever. Do you understand me?"

     "Yeah, yeah. I hear ya," she said, getting back into the car and firing it up and heading to the all familiar park just walking distance from her house. Silence was their best friend for the next few hours as Rene` leaned up against Kim on the bench at one of the picnic tables. She loved days like this; they didn't have to say anything to each other to be comfortable with one another. Rene` could hear Kim's strong heart beat and she smiled, letting the day's events melt away as Kim held her close. For once in her life, Rene` felt wanted, needed and happy. No clouds of fear or depression were in Rene`'s line of sight and she loved the feeling. She didn't even let the thought of going home interrupt her moment of happiness, her gold lining on the dark cloud. All she wanted to see was clear skies and by golly she was going to accomplish that... and she did.