Chapter 6

“EEEEEEIIIIII, EEEEEEIIIIII” the alarm screeched, waking René up. She scrambled out of bed and quickly flipped the on/off switched to shut it up.6:30 and the house was silent. She grabbed an outfit in the dark and took a shower. Fifteen minutes later, she was down stairs making coffee. Looking out the front window, René found Eric’s truck gone. She almost believed she had dreamed it last night. Key word: almost. She knew he had left to go to work because he had forgotten to close the bars and the front door was unlocked. She ate a quick breakfast of toast and some of her great-grandmother’s homemade peach jam spread over the top.

            When the coffee was done, René made a cup for Shay and left it on the counter. She silently climbed the stairs and woke Kristen up. It took her a good ten minutes just to get her out of bed. Struggling to get her dressed, René realized the difference in Kristen’s outfit. Eric had changed the navy blue shirt with a white shirt and the skorts were traded out with the only pair of khaki pants. This angered René but she didn’t have time to change everything back. Getting her down stairs and on the couch, René rushed to get Shay up to take them to school. When René told Shay it was 7:30, she was amazed to see her mother move so quickly. Everyone was in the car and buckled in five minutes later. They took Kristen to school first because her school was right down the street and only took another five minutes to take off from the loading area.

            The silence in the car was almost deafening without Kristen constantly asking questions and the tension between Shay and René was strong. A few times René caught Shay opening her mouth to say something and then closing it again without a sound. The sighs that followed sounded heavy. Finally arriving at the new building the small school renovated, René stepped out.

            “I love you, René.” Shay leaned toward her to see her properly. “You know that right?”

            “Yeah. I know.” And René shut the door. Stepping into the building for the hundredth time, she smiled. She didn’t know why she was smiling but she was. The floor was hard and concrete and the walls smelled of fresh paint. The little office had a closed door that led to the rest of the school and René walked through. She wasn’t expecting to be glad to see anyone but she surprised herself in the joy she had at the sight of them. One of them she had known since third grade and she hugged him. They were like siblings.

            “Hey, René.” He gave her a bear hug. “Long time no see. What’ve you been up to?”

            “Nothing really. Same old stuff, ya know?” She laughed as if nothing were wrong. Her main two friends from the year before were no longer going to the school. She was heartbroken because she had loved them like they were family. One had her GED and the other had gotten kicked out for getting into too much trouble the year before. He didn’t like authority figures too much. Recognizing every face in the cafeteria, René felt at ease… Then the Master Teacher came up to her. The Master Teacher was like the principal but since the school only had a maximum of 150 students, a principal wasn’t needed. Any other teacher and René would have been fine but the Master Teacher was a member of Church Under the Bridge and was a friend of Shay’s.

            “Hello, René,” she said, hugging René.

            “Hi, Mrs. Anderson,” René managed to escape the bear like hug, “What’s up?”

            “I was just making sure everything was ok,” her smile was bright but René could still see a shimmer of concern. René was tired of everyone already knowing her business and wished her mother could keep her mouth shut but she knew better than that. Her mother may say she doesn’t want people’s sympathy but she had a weird way of telling a lot of people the family issues.

            Smiling, René told Mrs. Anderson everything fine and that she was glad she was back in school. Once she left, René sat down at one of the many rectangular tables and put her head in her hands.

            “What’s wrong, René,” her friend asked.

            “Everything’s fine,” she rubbed her eyes, “I’m just tired, is all.”

            “I know you better than that, sis,” he sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, “I know when something’s bothering you.”

            “Allen, I’m just tired. Please drop it,” her voice a little sharper than she meant it to be, René smiled and gently squeezed his hand that was draped over her shoulder. The rest of the day was just a blur of smiling faces, syllabuses, and first day assignments of “How was your summer.” Lunch time was somewhat peaceful and quiet since she ate outside. The sun was hidden behind some rain clouds and the wind had a nice cool kiss to it.

            As she sat out there alone, she concentrated on the direction of the wind and let the cool breeze wash over her. For just a moment, she didn’t have to think about anything except the rush of sensation she felt. The light fingers of the wind rose her arm hair and the kiss of sprinkles skittered across her face. There, in that moment, surrounded by nature, she could be herself without worry, without fear.

            Distantly, she heard the bell ring for the start of class. With her heart a little lighter, she mentally readied herself for Algebra I.

 

            The last bell of the day sounded and a stampede of teenagers where let loose. High pitched laughter, low gruff shouts, and squeaky shoes on concrete reverberated through the only hallway of the school. Avoiding elbows, locker doors, and feet, René maneuvered her way to the front of the school. The dismay of going home entered her heart but she did her best not to show it. She didn’t want people to know but most of all, she didn’t want Eric to know. If she were to walk into the house and have him see her all bent out of shape because of him, he would give her hell about it. She didn’t want to deal with that.

            The cloudy sky reflected what she was feeling and no amount of comforting could help her to release everything. She smiled and waved her good-byes to everyone before sitting at the little picnic table under the small courtyard’s only tree. She had no idea when Shay would be picking her up but she didn’t mind sitting outside waiting; the day was just perfect for it- not too cold, not too hot. Finally alone without anyone watching, René let her mask fall. The headache that had been lurking at the back of her mind came forward and let itself known. The throbbing pain in her temples worsened when she saw the green truck trudging its way toward her. Eric was driving. Groaning, René met the passenger door at the curb. She swung her bookbag on the floorboard and climbed into the passenger seat. The air inside the truck was thick with cigarette smoke and the smell of days old Red Bull. Already feeling nauseated, René rolled down her window.

            “You crazy?” Eric used the button on his side to roll the window back up. “It’s raining.”

            “Are you crazy?” She coughed and rolled her window back down and stuck her head out. “You’re killin’ me here.” She let the wind whip her hair in every direction before she pulled her head back in. Keeping her hand near the button just in case he decided to roll the window up again, René rested her head on the frame of the door.

            “Roll the damn window up,” Eric demanded lighting a cigarette. “I don’t want my seats wet.”

            “They won’t get wet. I’m in the way. Besides, I think you’d rather have water on your floorboards than my puke.” She rubbed her forehead and held her stomach as Eric stepped on the gas and the truck lurched around a sharp corner causing the tires to squeal in protest on the wet asphalt. She could hear him grumble something about her being an ungrateful kid and how he didn’t have to pick her up but she ignored him. He wasn’t worth her thoughts. A dense silence filled the cabin as they jostled up and down every time a tire hit a pebble.

“So,” Rene` watched him drum his fingers on the steering wheel in discomfort, “how was your first day back to school?”

“Good.”

“Meet anyone new?”

“Nope.” She fought the urge to remind him how small her school was but she didn’t. He wasn’t worth her time and energy after what he’d done to her and Kristen.

“René.” She could hear the hint of an apology in his voice but she acted like she didn’t hear him at all. “René, please look at me.” She sighed and turned her steely blue eyes on him. She didn’t want to listen to him or his apologies. She wanted nothing to do with him. The pain he caused was just too great and she didn’t want to get used to him again. She didn’t want him to hurt her again and the only way she knew how to prevent that was by guarding her heart as if it were the last precious jewel on earth. No compassion, no sympathy, no nothing for him. He was nothing to her. Or at least, that’s what she tried to make herself believe. “René, I didn’t want to hurt you. It was never my intention. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, it just happened. Ok?”

“Yeah, ok.” She turned back to the window and pulled her knees up to her chest. She heard him sigh and her heart unwillingly felt sad. She wanted to cry from the ripping in her chest but she couldn’t, she couldn’t be weak in front of him or he would know what he was doing was working. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her pain. The tears hidden behind her cold eyes, René glared at anything that passed before her gaze. She could feel Eric’s eyes on her so she made sure to look as empty as she could, while still glaring.

“You know,” the truck pulled up along the curb to the house, “it’s not healthy to be angry all the time.”
            “And you would know?” René jumped out of the truck and rushed to the front door not looking back or waiting for an answer. She took her key out of her pocket and unlocked the gate. She flung the gate open and forced the front door open too. Without closing anything, she ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and slammed her door shut. She threw her backpack on Lee’s bed and she grabbed her guitar off its pedestal. She warmed up with a few chord progressions and then continued the G Major progression over and over again until she thought of a song that would sooth her nerves. Hotel California came to mind and she pulled out the tab music. After plucking a few notes to make sure the strings were in tune, she slowly played the first part. It wasn’t quite connecting with her so she switched to another song she had memorized but forgot the name to. She thought it was I Will Follow You into the Dark, but she couldn’t be entirely sure. The song was meant to be played with an extremely fast tempo but she slowed it down to one that her untrained fingers could handle. Slowly plucking each string with care, René drifted in a world unlike the one she lived in. Pain was a memory, fear an unknown threat, anger nonexistent. The sweet melody relaxed every part of her being and she found herself smiling. Resting her head on the body of the guitar, she closed her eyes and listened closely to the acoustics. Away in her own little world, René didn’t notice Kristen climbing through the little hole at the bottom of her door. Startled by the sudden thump, René almost screamed at the sight of a contorted blob of pink clothes and blonde hair. Putting a hand to her chest and trying to breathe normally, René put her guitar down and helped Kristen up off the floor.

“What are you doin’, sweetheart?” René wiped her face with her hands, still trying to calm down.

“I wanna listen to you pway.” Her little sister’s pleading blue eyes grew as big as saucers and her bottom lip protruded just a little. “You pway so pwetty.”

Sighing back her slight frustration, René sat Kristen in the middle of her bed and then proceeded to play. The feeling partially gone, René couldn’t enter back into her world and the notes were harder to play correctly. Switching to another song that she barely knew, René grew tired of playing but she played for Kristen. When René’s fingers began to throb, she stopped and smiled at Kristen.

“Shows over.” She ruffled Kristen’s hair and put her guitar back on its pedestal. “I got homework to do, so why don’t you go downstairs and watch some TV.”

“I don’t wanna go down there. I like it here. Why can’t I stay here?” The whine in her voice was like long nails being raked down a chalk board. Trying not to cringe and buckle under her little sister’s will, René gently pushed her toward the door.

“You can’t stay up here while I do homework because you won’t be still and quiet for me to think.”

“Yes I will. Pwease? I don’t wanna go down there.”

“Kristen,” René fought the urge to yell, “just go do what I tell you to. I don’t feel like arguing. Besides,” René opened her door and pushed Kristen out, “your dad’s here. You can watch a movie with him. I bet he would like that.”

René watched as Kristen slowly made her way down the stairs. As soon as she was out of sight, René felt bad for sending her away. It wasn’t right for her to make Kristen stay down there when she herself didn’t want to be down there. Of course she had different reasons than Kristen but it still wasn’t right. Sighing and feeling ten inches tall, René went to her bookbag and took out her English assignment.

“An essay on the first day. How lovely,” René said to herself reading over the prompt. “Summer’s always the same. Why the Hell do they always have to ask? It’s a f****n’ elementary question. ‘How was your summer vacation?’ Oh, it was just peachy.” Her annoyance and bitterness dripped from every word. Sighing again she began to write about her vacation with her dad, careful to leave out anything negative. Once the page or so paper was done, she moved on to her Algebra. Why she had homework on the first day, she did not know. What she did know was the other public schools didn’t have homework or an actual school day. For them, it was just a roster assignment. She knew this because of a few of her really old friends from eighth grade were at the local city school and wouldn’t stop texting her throughout the day. But she couldn’t complain; at least she had something to keep her occupied.

Around five in the evening, René was finished with all her homework. She didn’t want to go downstairs but she knew she had to. She had to face them eventually. Sighing and stuffing her emotions in a box and locking it, she reluctantly followed the stairs to the living room. Everyone was relaxing on the couch and watching TV. There was an empty dark purple lounge chair near the far wall so she took it. Curling up and getting comfortable, René started to watch Law and Order with them.

“She’s alive,” Eric said dramatically. “I was wondering when you’d come out. Been stuck up there all day.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, irritation building up in her chest. Even though she didn’t believe in the prayer, she began to chant the Serenity Prayer in her mind. “I was startin’ to think you were a hermit.”

She had to fight to keep her temper. Anger simmered in the pit of her stomach, gradually moving up to settle just under her breast plate. No matter how hard to she tried not to hate him or get angry with him, it was just no use. No matter what he did from that point on, he could never fix what he had messed up. René wanted to understand; she wanted to know why he did what he did, but she didn’t want to ask him and have him know she actually cared. If she didn’t care, maybe he wouldn’t try to hurt her. She knew he didn’t want to hurt her but maybe, just maybe, her disinterest would disinterest him in his plans to ruin the family.

“René, he’s talking to you.” René’s anger flared at her mother’s commanding tone.

“I know.”

“Why don’t you answer him?”

“He wasn’t asking a question.” Staring blankly at the screen, René could tell Shay was getting irritated. “I don’t see how being insulted warrants a pleasant response so I’m choosing to say nothing at all since I can’t find anything nice to say.” She went too far. She could tell Shay was about to yell and scream but she didn’t care at all. Shay could scream her eyes out for all René cared. René got up and walked to the kitchen, careful to stay at least arm’s length from Shay. She poured herself a glass of water and put her back to the sink, leaning against it for support. Shay walked in ready for a fight.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” René took another drink, knowing if she answered, she’d be in for it. “Goddamnit, René! I asked you a f*****g question!”

“And I chose not to answer.”

“Where the hell do you think you are?”

“Not his house, that’s for sure.” She set the glass down on the counter and folded her arms over her flat chest. She thought Shay’s eyes were going to pop out of her head with how big they got.

“How dare-”

“I dare because he hasn’t done s**t except ruin us,” René interrupted, yelling. “How can you accept him back with everything he’s done?” She gestured toward the living room where she thought Eric still was. “He’s ripped your heart out, he’s caused us to have to consider moving again because we can’t pay rent for the time he was gone. How can you let that piece of s**t back in, knowing he slept with other women the same day he f*****g left! He showed his ring finger off to anyone who would look, saying he WASN’T MARRIED ANYMORE! He threw y’all’s  rings over Lover’s Leap, and you’re accepting him back?” The whole time René was yelling, Shay slowly made her way near her. Taking a step back, René continued to scream. “You lied to me. You promised, promised, me you wouldn’t let a man back into my life until I was gone. You promised. Whatever happened to ‘Don’t make a promise you can’t keep?’ Huh? Mum? You got a f*****g answer for me?” Out of reflex, René ducked. Something barely missed her head and she heard glass shatter. Looking behind her, she saw water dripping down the wall. Letting her eyes wonder down, she saw the remains of a smashed glass cup. Looking back at Shay, a lump formed in René’s throat. René was  now second and Eric was first. René never thought her mother would ever put her second but there’s a first for everything. Nodding her head and looking at the glass littered on the floor again, René started to walk around the table, holding back tears.

“René-” René looked back at Shay with unbelieving eyes, “I-I didn’t mean-it slipped-I’m sorry-I-please don’t look at me like that.”

“I get it.” Clearing her throat to loosen the tightness, René walked out of the kitchen and came face to face with Eric. “You win. I’m done.” The surprised look on his face was almost comical but René wasn’t really paying attention. Brushing past him, she went back up to her room, locked the door and covered the hole in it to keep anyone from bothering her. She brought her alarm next to her bed and set it to 5:30 a.m. and plugged in her phone. She searched her room for the CD player her dad had given her just the year before, popped in her Evanescence CD after she found her CD player in her dresser, put on her head phones and blared the gothic music into her ears. The poundings her door received from her mother went unnoticed and unheard as René closed her eyes and vowed to never speak to her mother again.

Author's Note

Let me know if you want to know more about the school day.

Reviews

[nono]

WHOA! IMPRESSIVE! I like it your able to keep my attention! and much of this is adding up! Nice work!

[Coyote Poetry]

You said a lot in this chapter. It was a long day. I don't like when the day begin rough. School and life is hard enough. A strong chapter. A lot of conflict.
Coyote

[David W Moore III]

wow, powerful stuff here. I'd love to see where this is going. Does rene run away, does eric again, oh the conundrums