Final Chapter Idea Mayeb???????

This is an idea for the last chapter of my book Hi There Little One. Let me know what you think.

Suzy looks up to see Joe standing in front of her. She doesn’t move. Doesn’t even show recognition. Joe was dead. She saw him die. She held him as his last breath escaped his body. There was just no way he could be alive. In shock, Suzy’s grip on reality began to slip.

          “Hey, Suzy.” He stepped closer. “It’s me, Joe. Remember?” Of course Suzy remembered. She had cared for Joe. Had cared for him like she had never cared for anyone else. Watching him die was the worst thing that could have ever happened. “I’m alive. Funny, I know.”

          Ever so slowly, the wind began to pick up. The little computer things stuck in Suzy’s head began to transmit slowly growing brain power to the computers behind the six inch glass barriers all around her. The green parts of her brain began to change to yellow and then dark red and blue. Suzy blinked at in confusion as her heart throbbed in pain. The blood rushing to her head pounded with the same beat as Tori on her cage. Suzy’s eyebrows knitted together and her hands slowly went to her head and held her hair in handfuls. She doubled over telling herself nothing was real. That Joe didn’t betray her. That the person standing in front of her couldn’t possibly be Joe.

          She looked up again and tears fell from her dark green eyes as she was forced to realize the truth. Joe had turned on her. He had planned it all. From the very beginning, he had been a part of it. She knew by the look on his face. The guilt, sorrow, and self loathing. But that wasn’t enough for her. Slowly, she slipped away.

          Again she doubled over. This time Joe tried to touch her, to comfort her but she didn’t want his comfort. Not this time. The space around Suzy rippled and a few seconds later a sound like a bubble popping reverberated through the little glass dome. In that instant, Joe careened into the air and landed a good twenty yards away, a crumpled mess. The temperature rose high above 130 degrees Fahrenheit and dark blue flames zigzagged their way in every direction, their center being Suzy. She fell to her knees and buried her hands into the dark red sand. Heat waves began to pulsate off her. The temperature steadily rising terrified Dave. Even if he had wanted to go in there to calm things down, he wouldn’t have been able to step one foot in there without it melting. He watched as a bright light engulfed Suzy and quickly gained mass. He was so transfixed in the growing massive orange ball that he almost didn’t notice the glass before him start to melt.

          “God help us.” He whispered. “What have I done?” He turned and fled from the Hell he had just unleashed on planet Earth. Tori was free.

Author's Note

Let me know if this is a good final chapter. There is one character that you don't know yet that is in the chapter. But in Chapter 5, you will find out who he is and why Suzy cares so much for him. I was half awake when I wrote this, literally I woke up with the idea and wrote it down so I won't be insulted if you don't like it. lol ^_^

Reviews

[Taylor H.]

I liked it. I thought you had too many sentences. Try braking them up. A good re-read and a few edits will make this really kick. I just wish I knew what was going on lol. I need to go back and read your book :)