Skeleton Sister

There’s a depth to his shadow,

and determination in the orange glow

that dims to a sputter every third street light.

I remember how the speed takes the power,

and I remember how the sun makes my skin ache

and I remember how this walk makes my heart ache.

I remember why I run.

 

There’s a death inside the people,

who take to the night alongside me.

It’s the kind of condition
mostly present in the skeletons of souls
who have become alive many times before.

And I know, they walk to remember
the way I walk to forget,

that the speed takes the power

and my soul resents the burden.

 

There’s the man, who stays in the light always,

he tells the moths of his shadow

in the painterly lines of black in the illuminated dew.

 

And as a man who stays in the light always,
his eyes never learnt to adjust.

He, who knows not darkness
Him, of the moths and orange glow
They, of every third street light

 

She, who knows the darkness is a straight line
Her, who sleeps while running

Her, who dreams nearly never despite,

Her, who’s lost outside home,

 

And she, as a skeleton sister, who knows the darkness as a straight line,

Remembers the light,

So she can remember how her skin ached
and how her heart ached.

She remembers the walk and the speed and the man

And the light,

how it stung her eyes.

Reviews

[ScaryTrees]

I am liking this
I read this a few times and got more out of it each time
The first stanza is a good grabber and really sets the pace for the rest
Nice expression of voice

I might suggest to trim here and there for even greater effect

for example:

"in the painterly lines of black in the illuminated dew."
to
"in painterly lines, black in illuminated dew"

One more thing, in my humble opinion ...avoid the contractions

These are only stylistic opinions and you may disregard of course
I will say that I did enjoy this piece very much

Thanks

[JRB]

nice write

[karmax]

I had to read this twice, but nicely done. I like this and the creativity behind it. well done poet!

[TheFemininePad]

Beautiful, and very well written. I really enjoyed this poem. I really like how you worded this writing, and it shows that you have proficiency in describing some rather wonderful poetry. I don't see how I could improve upon what you have written. Overall a really great job. Please feel free to review my writings as well.

[TheBandit]

This was fun to read.
I had to read it out loud.
It just had a strange playfulness to it's rhythm that i found infectious
I hope you keep this up