Pale and Sad in Tennessee

 

It all disappeared so quickly

   I had hope it would’ve ended happily

      I never thought this could happen to me

            but it did, suddenly.

Pale and sad in Tennessee

   he had quite the history

      but nothing they said meant a thing to me

            I knew how cruel people could be.

You held my hand tightly

   we climbed to the top and screamed like banshees

      the wind roared, we did agree

            that the world seemed more surreal when covered in debris.

In a strange haunt, over tea

   we discussed the mystery

      of the Southern bourgeoisie

            and how we too, one day, would be

                        lost at sea.

But it all disappeared so suddenly

   only someone with a heart so pure could decree

      that we were a guarantee

            how naive, the young trainee.

                        I laughed, you begged to disagree.

“One day, she too,” he said, gleefully,

      “will be

            lost at sea.”

                        And that was the last I heard of him.

Reviews

[Jason]

I enjoyed this, i may need tuning up is all, but i enjoyed it overall..Content is very interesting and definitely liked the ending - good work!

[THE BLACK SEAL]

work on the meter of it, and it threw me how it changed narrative in the first third of it, but i really like the content. It has a lot of potential. You should work on this one some more for sure.

[W.k.kortas]

To say that you pulled off the end-rhyme scheme would be doing this piece a disservice; the meter might be the least little bit clunky ( the second and fourth lines didn't flow quite right, at least to my ear) in spots, but that's a minor complaint. It's clever, certainly--but it rises above the level of just cleverness; the narrative is well-conceived and executed with skill. This is a very fine piece of writing.

[Baby Boy]

Wow! You are good! This is a very interesting write you have here and the Title is just perfect as is the ending! I'm a sucker fo endings! LOL! I really enjoyed this and I love your usuage of words! Brilliant! :) Keep up the good work sweetie! One luv Miss Erin!


-JC-