Pain

Our love has become a barren field, useless for plowing…red clumps so dry to the touch turn black with the gentle kiss of ghostly women and children dressed all in black and singing like heavenly angels….

 

over head the black birds congregate to minister unto us the lack of this love…the lack thereof…though existing in a nether, it flies somewhere in its useless carelessness…what have I done? What have YOU done?

 

Where does the greatness of the intelligent planner of our destinies dwell? Hidden faces from a dark cult I believe surely has won….

 

Our love is just pretenses acted out so hurtfully….are we drowning? This point of no return has me depressed and terrified…

 

Isn't it funny? It repeats in a continuous cycle….the poetic drama has been gathered like dead and rotten leaves yet still does not replenish this barren soil….we are fruitless in the eyes of the watchers….we are the tasteless darkness still groping for that glimpse of light….

 

Our love is not the ripe fruit of blessing….it is the curse that only brings us both to tears….generation after generation; can we ask them, "what have you done to us"?

 

We remain silent….no fight to bring it to light….our love has withered and died like the old tree in the country. I hate to look into your eyes….i see such pain…

Reviews

[K. D. Kromminga]

Somehow I would rather see this in typical poetic stanzas than in poetic prose format. The overuse of ellipsis can distract the reader from the power of your message, and that can be eliminated if you use a more mainstream format to present your work. Other than that this is a tremendous example of engaging the reader with the turbulence of the author's emotional state of mind. You pull your reader in and make them question themselves until the very end. Excellent use of imagery makes the ride satisfying and worthwhile.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I sense although you have intricateness wording and prose, that the lines are stripped bare of emotion, quickened and free, well done.

[NinjaPi]

Great poem.

[Adelia Alighieri]

The prose is elegant, it has a very delicate persona.
A good concept on which the structure fits perfectly. Well done.

[Liza]

wow; thank you for the read request. i have felt this way but couldn't put it into words, you have shed light on the turmoil caused by some loves fruitless garden....the pain, the anguish and the hope to release something to make a love not in vain...

[FocusedAmnesia]

I love this; the form, the imagery, the emotion pouring out of it. Superbly written.
"Our love is just pretenses acted out so hurtfully….are we drowning? This point of no return has me depressed and terrified…"
Your verses are so powerful. They just drew me in.

[Molafvt]

Your metaphors are so rich here Ivan, that this piece becomes a universal plea for love and peace throughout the world, as well as between two lovers. Reading it wrought images of histories countless wars-loveless and hurtful. it's a scathing and poetic doublespeak and a prayer for communication, understanding and universal love. Well done my friend.

[ShaneBerry]

very well writen, i agree with FBD

[FlawedByDesign]

This is my favourite of all your pieces :)

The free verse, free flow, random form is like white on rice, for a lack of a better comparison. The poem is filled with imagery abound. The words are so descriptive in nature and intelligently used to portray your state of mind and the pain that runs through your veins; leaving empty darkness filled corridors for you to wander.

My favourite bit,
"the poetic drama has been gathered like dead and rotten leaves yet still does not replenish this barren soil" - very powerful.

This is going into my favourites.

Very nicely done sir!

[Ruth]

I love the free formness to this!
"over head the black birds congregate to minister unto us the lack of this love"........great imagery! Works really well hon:)
Wonderful piece of writing:)
xx