Bottom of the Sea

A poem about a one sided Relationship.

As a stormy night surrounds the heap,

I never could explain my love for thee.

His eyes are as blue as the living sky,

and his hair as dark as the midnight lie.

Forever I will Wonder what will happen to me,

If I let my heart sink at the bottom of the sea.

Will I swim back up or drown so deep,

Will anyone hear how loud I scream.

I'm losing focus,

I'm losing air.

I'm tied to what broke us,

this is so unfair.

It's bringing me deeper,

deeper I go.

Will you ever love me again,

we will never know.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Mira]

Oh wow! I was taken aback by your words, loved every single bit of it, really! -especially the last two stanzas, one word for you:
talented!
I give this a 100/100. Basically you broke the damn scale :D
If it's not too much to ask, will you check/review my pieces I have submitted on this site? I would really love it if you do..:)

Mira.

[Zoe Taschereau]

Thank you so much! and of course I will!

[Mitzie]

Hi Zoe. I can see from your profile and your first poem that I read you are only writing awhile and I think it is really good. If you want feedback I would say try to write again from each poem you write. In this one I would say to try now tell about that pain of not being loved. Tell us about what your heart really feels like when it is at the bottom of the sea. How you could almost loose yourself. Really go into the feeling and look for different ways to use words.the deeper you go the more you pull the reader in. You are great with words and are getting your style and just keep writing and writing. Well done and keep going.

[Krizito]

"I'm losing focus
I'm losing air
I'm tied to what broke us
This is so unfair".
You're good
You're great
And here I kneel
With hope and prayer
That we get to share and marvel
In more of your beautiful works.
(Please do take the time to review other member's piece, sure they'll appreciate it).