food for thought, not for me

  I longed for something more. My brain searched for answers. my heart searched for hope. I searched for a blade. The shining light caressing the cool metal disgusted me, i grew queasy at the thought of no one seeing what was done. I began to search for food for thought and not food to eat. I grew weak and pale no matter how someone urged i wouldn't eat. I hid the food like a squirrel, with no intent of eating it later. Some may say i was nuts, you may say my humor is disturbing. I say the truth stings and disgust come with it. The complete and utter truth my friends noticed not my parents not a single person from my family.

  I grew sick looking, my blood sugar was never on track and my thoughts grew thin. My mind was filled with a haze, a deep fog.My body ached but truly i could feel nothing. Each cut was just another mark, each tear another reminder i was pretty much alone. When they finally did find out i blamed it on the hate tinged words my step dad spoke. If they knew the extent of the story. I would have ended up where i am now a lot sooner. Emptyness took over my body my insides where slowly melting. A mask i no longer wore, but it made no difference... I was still invisible.

 

You slowly come tho the question why did i chose the decision i did. I was disgusted with the way boys looked at me and put their hands on me. I was sick of myself and i needed help. though no one listened. Until the last call.