Cut by cut

  The flesh began to burn, sting. I no longer felt the emotional pain, just the sting of my arm and the tears in my eyes. A small stream of blood dripped, the stream of my tears was much greater. Within time this all changed. Black became my color of choice and dark became the type of music i listened to. I was no longer a little girl, and i for sure wasn't normal. Typical for people like me but never normal never understanding the stupid tears people cried or the stupid fears they tried to hide.

 

  The Only thing i felt was the cool glass and the slight sting that followed. I became numb. Happiness never overflowed my thoughts, but sadness surely waded there. fights between the monkeys grew more apparent, and abandonment was a frequent thing. Trust slowly faded and my thoughts where no longer thought.  I was no longer a person with feeling pain did nothing, happiness melted into my sadness. Things frequently reminded me of the past. The future remained a dim thought, it often grew darker.

 

   Within a fight the monkeys decided to marry. The thought stung me, it stung everyone. We begged and pleaded, but all we were left with was tears. My mother married him behind my back, behind everyones back. Tension grew and there was no warmth left within our home. Only the bitter edge of what we all knew, there was no longer trust or understanding, just hate.

 

   I had once tried rubber bands. The light sting had once appeased me. The rubberband broke just as my heart. I longed to no longer feel the sting of my emotion. I took a hair tie tightened it around my wrist and cut into my flesh. I used a nail file. The ones with the pointed end that shine like hope should. I hate the thought of people seeing me hurt, but they never did. They watched day by day as i destroyed myself. Cutting soon didnt please me, nothing did. I pondered and waged my options each step becoming more drastic. No one saw my cry for help. No one heard my please. In the end it was me and my destroying.