You won't ever see me cry again.

Packs of cars, blue striped, green striped,

outside your house, words on them

like Spokane City Police, Sheriff, K-9.

When I pull up, I’m shaking,

shaking and pale in the early morning, a

blue silk robe

over jeans. I see men with radios in their belts, talking,

serious. I see guns.

It is barely light as I step out

of the car, bare feet on cold concrete.

                    You, me.

                    In the basement.

                    You’re telling me about this guy, how he hates your guts.

                    You got promoted, he didn’t.

                    I run my hand over your shoulder. “It’s ok.

                    He’s just jealous.”

                    You say, “No, there’s something off about Bill.

                    I don’t want you to call me at work anymore.

                    I don’t want him to know about you.”

                    Why? I don’t understand, but

                    I say okay, leaning against your shirt.

I run for your front door.

“Hey! Ma’am! Are you involved? We need you

to stay back.”

A sheriff with a military mouth, grey shirt.

Two officers, setting up orange cones, caution tape,

look over.

I know they won’t let me see you,

I don’t get desperate.

“He’s my boyfriend,” I say, my mouth feels numb.

I want them to know.

The sheriff says something about being sorry,

something about protocol, I can’t come any closer. He guides me

back to my car by my shoulder.

“He’s my boyfriend,” I say again and again,

now tears are slipping down my face, into

the blue silk robe.

You don’t see me cry.

                    In the kitchen, making peanut butter ‘n’ jelly.

                    We had been laughing, but now you get quiet, you say,

                    “I’m getting kinda nervous about Bill.”

                    I lift one foot in a pirouette, holding

                    the jam jar.

                    “Tell him off,” I say; I put your sandwich together.

                    You don’t eat.

                    “No, Ellie,” you say, and tell me about

                    the gun rack, notes, Bill’s friends that follow you.

                    While you tell me,

                    I watch your sandwich. Your fear scares me.

                    But you don’t wanna tell the boss, don’t wanna

                    make things worse.

                    I say again, “It’s ok, I love you.” We hug.

                    I wonder, later, if I should tell someone.

                    I fall asleep first.

You won’t ever see me cry again.

By the time the sunrise turns the clouds

red like pain,

a body bag is loaded into a dark car.

I’ve cried so hard, the grass outside my car

is covered in vomit.

The sheriff stops by, opens the door. “We’ll call you. Do you need

someone to drive you home?”

My thin arms are shaking uncontrollably

and I say, “He’s my boyfriend.”

“He was a good-looking kid,” the sheriff says,

and I see that we both understand the tragedy

of a death with no meaning.

Reviews

[Elizabeth]

"By the time the sunrise turns the clouds
red like pain"
Great image.

Wow, this is a powerful narrative. Persephoneia recommended it to me (perhaps you know her?) You tell the story very well. My heart was actually beating faster as I read and was awaiting the outcome. Typically I read narratives such as this one with very mild interest, but you certainly captured my attention here in many ways. A great piece, I mean that :)

[The_Jabberwock]

This definitely brought me back down to reality. The poem was so real and natural, I actually felt sadness, fear, apprehension...so many good things to say. Just an amazing piece altogether

[charlotte talley]

I like this, but to me it is more of a story than a poem. great details in it. turn this into a story. Even the title is a great eye catcher. thanks for sharing this.

[Dms]

I like the time breaks, it makes it flow more like a story than a poem.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This story was truly frightening. I have goosebumps.
I've never had such clean writing scare the hell out
of me like this. The images and emotions you projected
were amazing. I felt truly disturbed by the loss.

[Crow]

Truly a sad and heart felt piece. I love the way you bring the reader through the entire ordeal with so much imagery and emotion.

[sammyj]

very nice

[Andy]

Very nice capture of visual senses. I like the telling/jumping between two time lines. Well done.

[Ashley Black]

very very good i like the flash backs there and the whole thing is very very good. great work. keep it up

[DBURKE]

Whoa this is deep! So descriptive and full of emotion.... the whole time reading it I felt it in my stomach! Great write!