Take a Breath

An Allie/Zi original.

The dense blue water shone eerily in the soft sunlight. Rays reflected off the water back up at Zi. She studied her reflection, flickering back from the surface as it always has: awkwardly tall for her age, blonde hair just passing her shoulders, curious blue eyes. Something stirred, flicking water up at her. She falters, teetering on her heels. Her chest tightening, she stands and takes a step backwards. Chills run through her as she tries to catch her breath, despite her body temperature being close to that of a water heater. A hand up to calm her tangled hair, she keeps an eye on the neighbors. They unknowingly mock with their ease in the water. She sighed, knowing there is no force on the Earth that could convince her to put even so much as a toe into the liquid death.

As long as Zi could remember, she and her family had been spending their summers at the lake. Every blasted summer, Zi would stand at the edge of the watery cave, but never step into it. She had no reason to be afraid: hundreds of children swam the lake every year. Held back by the thought of being caught under the waves, Zi remained on the dock. She spent hours underneath the wispy trees surrounding the lake, casting shadow along the shoreline. She toiled weeks away on the old wooden docks, filling her notebooks with words.

For as much time as Zi and her family spent on the lake, she looked as though she squandered away all her time indoors. Her alabaster skin stood out against those of the other girls, pale in comparison. Her somewhat wavy hair cascaded down her back, skidding to a halt just at her shoulder blades, her bright eyes clashing against her pale complexion. Others stood envious of her beauty, but she remained oblivious, seeing none of it. She'd glance at her reflection, and all she could see was a coward.

The neighbors were a part of the summer house Zi longed to forget. Their names were no longer significant, their taunts all the same. They simply remained "the neighbors" in her eyes. They were no different from each other: each cruel and unforgivable. Their faces blended, she saw them as one single entity.

The summer began no differently than it had in all the years past, Zi would waste her time away under the tree writing, as the sun beat down upon the lake, colors cast violently across her notebook. She heard footsteps, but chalking it up to the neighbors coming back to taunt her, she ignored them. The impending footsteps ceased, but she took no notice until they spoke.

"Zi!"

The complete opposite of Zi was Allie, and yet the two of them fit so perfectly together. Allie was diminutive as Zi was tall; her short black hair cut her face perfectly, showing off her naturally high cheekbones. Allie was the only one who understood Zi, the two alike in many faults, as well as virtues. The pair both worried too much, and were matched when it came to sarcasm and dry wit. The two had an affinity for the smell of chemicals, old Disney movies, and swings.

The taller of the two glanced up, and spotting the other, immediately abandoned everything. She tackled the smaller, bringing them both to the ground, putting all of her excess annoyance and weariness into the hug. Allie giggled, and they fell silent, just laying there staring up at the sky.

"Clouds," Allie murmured, lost deep in thought.

"Hm?"

"Nothing...just, the possibilities beyond the clouds."

Zi didn't try to understand Allie's train of thought, just taking it wherever Allie did.

They spent most of the afternoon in silence, broken only by the occasional comment to each other about the various shapes seen in the clouds.

Zi filled Allie in on her summer happenings, which existed only of new curtains in her room and another filled notebook. Allie brought tales of home life: boys, camp, and her family.

"Blah. Zibracakess...I miss my Chet.

"He speaks pretty words at me Zi, and I keep falling for him. He's dangerous to my health even...but I can't seem to stop thinking about him. I should stop talking to him. Maybe that'll end my pain. He has to learn that I am not a toy, his toy. I'm a person, and I have feelings d****t! For god sakes, he has a girlfriend too. Not even a freshy. I..just, can’t seem to stop talking to him. I hung up on him the other day. He was being an arrogant asshat, so I just hung up. I wish I could hang up on life. It'd make it a little easier I think."

"Would you miss him? I mean, if you just cut him out of your life."

"Of course, but...I've got to be strong, and I have to show myself that I'm not afraid to be alone. I'll get over it...granted, it will probably take time, but I'm better than that."

"Guys are stupid. All they are good for is sex, and even then, they aren't that good."

Allie nods seriously responding, "They don't kiss the way we want them too either."

"Yeahh...Pure rubbish at it. I mean really, how hard is it to snog right?"

Allie laughed, agreeing, "If all they're good for is shagging and snogging, I say we throw them to the curb and get us some new hot British sex bots, eh?"

"Brilliant. I'll get right on that."

"Mm. Quite literally."

"I adore youu, my Alliebird."

Cue scene change. Allie and Zi are both inside, Allie's speaking. No light, just a voiceover, a placeholder as the scene changes.

"I'm just afraid to get hurt again, to put my heart back out there again. What if he uses me again? I don't want to be his plaything. I want to actually mean something."
Allie's voice fades out, leaving Zi lost in thought. It makes her want to redefine fear.

What is it? Where does it come from? Can we really control our fears? Or do they just control us? Is fear an illusion?
Still black, we hear Zi voice her opinions to Allie, "Define fear, Allie. What is it?"

Fear.
[feer]
–noun
1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.


"Fear is necessary. Without it, all that would remain is a constant search for something to fight. We're selfish, people are. We need something to drive us forward, something to live for. Fear provides that, creating challenges we didn't know existed. Without that challenge, we have nothing to prove.

"Fear drives the search for comfort. Think about it. Scientists' search for clues about evolution, priests'' prayers and search for the Holy Grail," Allie said continuing, "Even with all the clashing, religion and science are the same, no? They are both a search for comfort propelled by a mutual fear. People are afraid of what could possibly be out there; that we don't actually have control over ourselves. We fear that we fear."

"But then why does it hurt? To fight fear?"

"Sometimes...fear becomes too much, it takes more than we can give."

Light, we see Zi sitting at a kitchen table, Allie across from her. From the window, a perfect view of the dock, and a path leading down to it. The kitchen is bare, but in a comfortable way. Not commercial, not hospital-like. It's clear, the walls painted a light blue. A simple kitchen accompanies the table. The camera zooms in on Zi's face, darkening with thought. Camera pans out again, including the view of the lake, to rest on both girls faces. Allie's face is one of confusion, and misunderstanding.

Zi's thoughts drift back to the lake. Without realizing it, she has started her way outside.
She no longer understands her fear. What was the driving force behind it? Merely the expansiveness of the water, or the depth? Convincing thoughts of it just being wet, like a shower ran through her subconscious.

Allie watches in bewilderment as Zi steps closer to the dock. She stands up, and quickly follows Zi outside. Her shoes catch on the path, the straps flying loosely about. She slips them off, picking them up in one hand as she makes her way slowly. She treads carefully along the cobblestone path, stopping at the tree. She lifts Zi's notebook, lying forgotten in the grass. She exchanges it with Zi's shoes. Allie takes note of the two boys coming near, dismissing them with only the thought of their chiseled abs. They were neighbors, and her only priority was Zi.

The wood feels scratchy and uncomfortable to the soles of Zi's feet. Her toes grip every plank as she inches towards the water. Allie watches from the tree, her shoes in one hand, Zi's notebook in the other. Zi approaches the edge, her heart racing and her brain telling her to run, to drop the silly notion of facing her fear. She's so entranced in the one step left, she doesn't hear the laughter of the boys behind her, or Allie's shout of warning.

She feels the hands that roughly shove her in face first into her fear. Her laugh at the irony is choked with rushing water. The water hit her lungs first, her breath soon cut off. Water fills her lungs, leaving no room for oxygen. She sputters at the surface, her senses shutting down with her system. She can no longer hear Allie's scream of terror. She no longer sees the discarded shoes, her own notebook wet with drops of the very water killing its owner.

Cold spreads to her fingers, paralyzing her. She lets out one last shiver before she lets go. Her eyes slip shut, and she gives one last fight. In death, she floats.

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Oh! Wow....what a beautiful story....
The closing lines left shivers down my spine!
Beautiful...simply beautiful!