alternate universes

when my thoughts wander, they make their way to you

i find my thoughts

wander

to the image of you again

 

there's an image

of us

sharing the same unit,

i take up space in our dining room

watching something dorky

laughing so loud tears form in my eyes

 

and you come out of your room

smirking, fond, because i feel things

with my entire body

and when i laugh

my shoulders shake

my arms hit the air around me

my head is thrown back

so much that i see you

come out at this exact moment

 

you stand behind me

and i look up at you from here

tap my finger on my lips twice

and it's a little awkward

kissing upside down

but you do it anyway

 

you plant a chaste kiss on my lips

i give you a wide grin

and you smirk, call me a dork

i love you.

 

 

and then another image pops in

still us

on the couch in your unit

we’re watching one of those horror films

that always make me cry

i take up half of your couch

eyes glued to the screen

arms firmly wrapped around your pillow

 

i immerse myself in the film

never once looking at you

as though i don't see you from the corner of my eyes

as though i don't feel the ghost of your arms around me

holding me close instead of resting limply on the headrest

 

as though i don't feel the great distance

between the small amount of space we share

in your tiny couch

 

and the ending comes at this exact moment

i sit there heaving as tears fall from my eyes

my shoulders shake

my arms grip the pillow tightly

my head buried to muffle my voice

and because i feel things with my entire body

i feel the absence of your arms around me greatly

it's haunting, even more than the film

it's deafening, even more than the well-placed void

to build up the tension

before the killer comes

and ends what it started

 

you place a glass of water on the coffee table

i croak a thank you.

i still don't look at you