A Few Behind

Every day is a struggle.  Not in any real sense for me other than the fact I love paycheck to paycheck.  I know this isn't my destination, just a stop to fix while I wonder around for purpose.  I don't dream anymore.  I believe my mind has wiped that ability in both my conscious and subconscious existence.  It was on repeat for the longest time.  Watching the horror...my body reacted before my mind could formulate the thoughts...before I could convince myself that I should run.  There was just a quick flash of anger, and then my own stupid mind yelling to kill.  I could taste the iron from the slight trickle of blood that crept from my tongue; I had bitten it while not even realizing.  It repeated for months in my head, then without realization, gone.  I have taken peoples' worst and rinsed it into action.  Change...from angry hatred...to humble beginnings.  It doesn't work with everybody.  At least they won't admit it to my face, but some continue angrily, searching for a perfection that they won't form by changing.  It's there.  It's also here.  What are you willing to sacrifice for it?  What in you are you willing to give up?  I gave up happiness.  I can fake happiness in order to bring about anothers'.  Unless you are hardcore driven to make another beings life miserable, you could feel it.  Put yourself, your wants, your desires behind the needs of someone or something else, and see the truth.  Do it for yourself, don't post it on any site, just do it because the feeling afterwards is genuine.  The look of gratitude may not pay your mortgage, but the smile that clears away the dark clouds in your world is worth more than that.  Unless...