Mornings with Max

A short first draft of a play I wrote some time ago. I'll probably rewrite it but I'd love some more input before I go about that. Thanks for reading!

Mornings with Max

(The lights come up to a pair of chairs sitting alone on the stage. They are spaced evenly apart. In front of the chair on stage left is a podium like construct with a driving wheel built into it and next to it an improvised gear shift. Around the chairs is a rectangle of blue tape symbolizing a van. The stage is dark like an early morning. A lone figure is seen walking hurriedly, from stage right, toward the van. He’s dressed in a grey suit under a cheap windbreaker. A beanie in pulled firmly over his head. His name is Dennis. Clasped awkwardly in his arms is a ridiculous mascot-suit, the likes of which could be seen at any high school football game. Its green and wears nothing but a pair of jeans. A baseball cap is perched backwards on its cone shaped head which in turn leads down to its teardrop body. A pair of over-sized googely eyes are glued onto its face over a mouth curved into a sarcastic smile. Its name is Max Magnum.  Dennis approaches the back of the van with the suit.)

Dennis

Come on Max, help me out a little.

(He awkwardly pull his key out of his pocket and opens the back of the van. He heaves Max into the van with a shove.)

There ya go buddy. Sit tight we’ve got a long ride.

(He turns around and walks off stage again. He walks back again carrying a man-size cardboard sign. Imprinted on the sign is a bottle of an energy drink called magnum x with the company mascot Magnum Max shown leaning on the bottle. The words Magnum Max says no to drugs are prominently displayed. It becomes clear that the suit in the van is a caricature of Magnum Max. Dennis takes the sign and carefully lays it over the suit. He closes the van and climbs into the driver’s seat. He turns on the van before putting his hands on the steering wheel bowing his head and saying a quick prayer. He raises his head.)

Alright, let’s go

(He mimes starting the car. Sticking his key in the ignition. The car hums to life. Dennis listens.)

Like poetry.

(He mimes putting the car into gear and backing out of his driveway, looking over his shoulder.)

Idiots, parking in the street.

(He finally manages to back up and shift the car into forward drive. He drives off in silence. After a while he remembers he’s lonely so he turns on the radio.)

Forgot my cd’s.

(The radio blares to life but he turns it down right away. It fills the van with white noise and Dennis isn’t so alone. He drives for another minute or so, humming along, before stopping. He shifts into park and waits. The van hums impatiently while he looks out the window. He taps the steering wheel and looks at his watch. After a minute another figure appears, walking slowly, from stage right. Like Dennis, he’s dressed for the cold. He wears jeans under a heavy college hoodie and a matching baseball cap. He reaches the van and mimes opening and closing the door before sitting down in the passenger’s seat.)

Dennis

Good morning, Max.

Max

It’s too early.

Dennis

Oh…ok

Max

I’m sorry it’s just too early for that. It’s not even morning yet.

(Dennis starts the van and, pulls out, and begins to drive down the road again.)

Dennis

Yes it is.

Max

No, it isn’t.

Dennis

It’s five o’clock Max. That’s still morning.

Max

It’s five o’ seven actually and while it might technically be morning it’s still too early to be a good morning.

Dennis

Whatever you say.

(Max gives him a look before leaning back and peeking out the window. They’re quite for a long moment before Dennis reaches over and turns up the radio. Max gives him a sour look and turns it back down. Dennis, obviously annoyed, reaches over to turn it back up and Max turns it off. An awkward beat ensues where Max slowly wakes up.)

Max

So where are we going.

Dennis

Wallace elementary.

Max

Is that the school with the chubby kids?

Dennis

I don’t know what you mean.

Max

Yeah you do. Remember that study last year, the one that rated the fattest schools in America.

Dennis

Well-

Max

And we went there last year and you looked out at the kid’s leaned over and said “yeah this is the school”.

Dennis

No I-

Max

Come on, remember all the little guys waddling around.

(He imitates their walk.)

Dennis

That’s not funny Max.

Max

Yeah it is.

Dennis

No it isn’t

Max

Don’t look at me like that, it’s not my fault they’re fat-

(Gestures to the back of the van.)

-it’s good ol’ Max Magnum’s fault.

 

Dennis

You can’t say that.

Max

This is America I can say what I want.

(He reaches behind his seat and picks up an empty can of Magnum X.)

Did you know that Magnum X has the same ingredients as rocket fuel? I read it online. This

(He gestures to the can.)

Is rocket fuel...hazardous waste! In this can two hundred calories and five hundred grams of caffeine mix to create the perfect drug. That’s what it is, a drug we give to our children.

Dennis

Just because you read something on Wikipedia-

Max

I didn’t read it on Wikipedia. I read it on the side of the can. It’s all right here.

(He shows Dennis.)

 The government makes them show how awful their drink is and everyone gulps it down anyway. But I guess that’s just life.

(Beat)

Dennis

You really can’t talk like that.

Max

About Magnum X?

Dennis

Yeah, about Magnum X. Have some loyalty.

Max

Why?

Dennis

They’ve given you a job, a paycheck.

Max

They’ve given me enough to keep me dancing in that suit. They pay for my services not my loyalty.

Dennis

I’m just saying.

Max

I know what you’re saying, but remember that you’re not the one in the suit. You get to dress nice and give a little slide show and stuff. I just stand up there and sweat.

Dennis

Whatever, I just think we should have a little respect for the hand that feeds us.

Max

Feeds you, if I wasn’t working two jobs I’d starve.

(There is a lull in the conversations. Max looks out the window will Dennis drives.)

Max

I hated Wallace.

Dennis

What?

Max

Last time we were there…I hated it.

Dennis

Why?

Max

It was the longest hour of my life. You know usually after a couple of minutes the kids start listening, or at least they stop screaming at each other, but those kids didn’t. They kept on the whole time. Gave me the worst headache.

Dennis

I think you’re confused, that was a different school.

Max

Was it?

Dennis

Yeah, I thought Wallace was a great stop, definitely one of the best we’ve had.

Max

Really?

Dennis

Yeah.

Max

 I’m pretty sure I’m thinking of the right place.

Dennis

No, no the Wallace kids listened.

(Max thinks for a moment.)

Max

Oh yeah! You liked Wallace cuz that one kid came up to you after and told you you’d changed his life. Yeah, yeah and you spent the whole ride home telling me how amazing it was.

Dennis

His name was Mark.

Max

Yeah…well I guess Mark was listening. The rest of them weren’t.

Dennis

Yes they were.

Max

I remember you looking at me after you finished your speech. You told me “That was the hardest one all year” and I agreed, then that chubby Mark kid walked up and suddenly it was the best day of your life.

Dennis

There were others besides Mark.

Max

There were others?

Dennis

Yeah there were about three others.

Max

That’s sad.

Dennis

No it isn’t

Max

Yeah it is. If your success rate is four out of three hundred that’s sad.

Dennis

I’ve had kids talk to me at other schools. Those were just a lot more…sincere.

Max

It’s cuz they were fat. It makes them emotional.

(Dennis gives Max a scathing look.)

Anyway, what do you do after you talk to these kids anyway?

Dennis

I give them my email and tell them they can write me anytime.

Max

Uh huh, and how many have written you?

Dennis

What?

Max

How many kids from last year have written you?

Dennis

I don’t know about three or four.

Max

So out of the 6,000 or so kids we’ve spoken to, and the fifty-something that have walked up and talked to you personally, only three have written you back?

Dennis

Well…we do speak to elementary schools.

Max

That’s right, more competition.

Dennis

Competition?

Max

Think about it, elementary is when you find out all the things you shouldn’t do. Those kids get a lot of anti-drug messages from more…legitimate backgrounds.

Dennis

What do you mean by legitimate?

Max

Come on Dennis, we’re representatives of the Magnum X energy drink. The only reason we have this job is because the asshats in the advertising department thought it would be a good idea to depict Max over here as a pothead. Remember that commercial where he was…you know…

Dennis

Sniffing cocaine? Ok look, that wasn’t even shown on screen.

Max

It was strongly implied. Face it our job was created to save face for those Magnum idiots. We’re-

Dennis

Shut up! What’s with you this morning? I get it we’re just pawns of the Magnum guys or the man or whatever you want to call it. Frankly, I don’t care! I’m here to talk to kids about drugs. Maybe it’s all useless and maybe I’m not making a difference but I’m doing my best, ok!

(Pause.)

Max

I’m sorry, it’s just, I wish today could have been our day off.

Dennis

Why?

Max

Well, it’s my birthday…and this isn’t how I imagined spending my birthday.

(There is an awkward pause.)

Dennis

Happy Birthday.

Max

Thanks.

Dennis

Why didn’t you just call in sick or something?

Max

What and loose a day of pay? I’ve got student loans Dennis.

Dennis

So do I.

Max

But you went to school for this. It’s different.

Dennis

I have loans and a life too. This isn’t my dream job.

Max

No but it’s close to it. After a few years of doing this you’ll work your way up. What am I going to do?

Dennis

I don’t know.

Max

Yeah well neither do I.

(Progressively throughout the previous scene the stage has been getting progressively lighter. Now a series of pretty oranges, yellows, and reds flow across the stage. Max notices this and looks out the window.)

Look at that sunrise.

Dennis

Yeah. It’s a good one.

Max

No matter how many times you look at it the sunrise never gets old. You remember that scene in that one movie. Y’know the sunrise and the guy screaming all that African stuff. I saw that scene when I was a kid and was like that’s what I wanna do.

Dennis

What?

Max

Paint the sunrise.

Dennis

Really?

Max

Yeah that’s what I went to college to do, create my own sunrise. That’s what I was known for…I was the sunrise guy. The other people would look at my paintings and say wow that’s great, and I would do the same for theirs. Our professors acted like we all had a chance in the real world while picking their favorites. Those were the best years of my life.

Dennis

Well, what happened?

Max

What do you think happened? I graduated took one step out into the real world and realized I was unprepared. All did in college was paint, so my grades were awful, and I wasn’t one of those talented students. I went through four years of college doing one thing that I wasn’t even good at. I had the love, I love painting, but I’m not good at it. I mean I’m ok I could teach a class or whatever…

Dennis

Well why don’t you?

Max

Why don’t I what?

Dennis

Teach a class.

Max

Because I’m too proud. My professors said the same thing, why not go into teaching? But I said no. They tried, I guess that was their way of saying “You’re not talented enough to make a living painting sunrises”, but I thought I knew best. And a part of me still hopes someone in the art world will chance upon one of my pieces and say “this guy’s a genius”. If I started teaching it would just prove them right, and I can’t handle that.

Dennis

I see.

Max

And now I’m stuck dancing around in a furry suit and working the evening shift at a gas station.

(The sunset wanes away and the lights turn bright like the day.)

And there goes the sunrise.

(He looks at Dennis.)

Its your turn what was your college sob story.

Dennis

I don’t have one. I went to college to talk to people, after four years I got married and applied for this job.

Max

Well that’s boring.

Dennis

What can I say, it’s my life.

Max

I didn’t know you were married.

Dennis

Her name is Laura.

Max

How did you guys meet?

(Dennis gives him a look.)

Come on.

Dennis

We met at church.

Max

Oh.

Dennis

Was that too boring for you?

Max

No it’s what I expected. What does your wife do?

Dennis

You mean her job?

Max

Yeah.

Dennis

She’s a nurse.

Max

That’s funny that’s what my girlfriends going to be, eventually. Any tips?

Dennis

Tips for marrying a nurse? No not really, just be prepared for her to make more than you…a lot more. It’ll make your relationship a little strange at first. You’ll think you’re supposed to be the breadwinner so accepting her money will make you feel inferior. It’s just something you’re going to have to get over though. The little nuclear family is a thing of the past.

Max

As long as one of us is making some kind of money I could care less.

Dennis

There’s the spirit. You just have to-hey, look at that.

(They both stare out Dennis’ window.)

Max

Looks like a wreck.

Dennis

A pretty bad one too.

(They pass the wreck.)

Max

How long ago do you think it happened?

Dennis

I’m not sure it looked pretty recent.

Max

How can you tell?

Dennis

You look at how slow the cars around you go.

Max

What do you mean?

Dennis

I mean, people are sick like that. If the wreck is old people give it a quick glance, if it’s fresh they stay for a while. I guess we just want to see a little violence.

Max

You slowed down.

Dennis

I’m not saying I’m not like the rest of them. I slow down too, but I don’t like it. It ruins my day, I keep wondering if anyone’s hurt and then I start thinking about what I would do if I was in an accident and then I start asking myself if I’m ready to die. It’s no fun.

Max

I know this is a weird question but, are you ready to die.

Dennis

Well no, who is?

(Beat)

But hey I guess if I knew my family would be ok and there was no way to avoid it…I think I would be ready.

Max

Really?

Dennis

Yeah I’m doing what I love, I’m young, I’m in good health.

Max

That’s s****y logic man. Why would you want to die when things are going great?

Dennis

I already told you I don’t want to die. I’m just saying that if it happened I wouldn’t be too upset because…because…I dunno, I’d rather go out on a high.

Max

Your life right now is a high.

Dennis

Well…yeah.

Max

This job is what you love?

Dennis

Yeah

Max

How? How is talking to a bunch of brats your dream job?

Dennis

Because I used to be one of them. I used to listen to those guys talking about drugs and addiction and think that will never happen to me. Five years later I was homeless and had overdosed three times. I would lay down at night and dream of a second chance. So when I put my life together I wanted to help kids make better decisions than I did.

Max

So you’re one of those guys.

Dennis

What guys?

Max

A rememberer, you sit around and let your past control who you are.

Dennis

That’s not true.

Max

Isn’t it? You run around talking to kids because of who you were, not who you are.

Dennis

Well what about you Mr. Sunrise?

Max

Hey I never said I wasn’t living in the past. I admit it, I’m so stuck in the past that I might as well not have a future!

(There is a pause between them.)

Dennis

That’s heavy.

Max

I mean really what’s the point of all of this! All my life everyone kept telling me to ‘follow my dreams’ but nobody ever told me what to do when I sucked at my dream.

Dennis

Max life will never work out the way you want it. You can’t fight all the time! You just have to accept it and move on. Find a new dream.

Max

I don’t want a new dream.

Dennis

Then you’ll never be happy. This was the only job I could get, so once I was hired I made this job my dream and now I’m happy.

Max

That doesn’t sound like happiness, it sounds like you’re fooling yourself.

Dennis

I am, but even if I’m pretending I’m still happier than you.

Max

Your happy at work, I’m happy at home.

Dennis

I’m happy all the time.

(beat)

We’re getting close.

Max

To the school?

Dennis

Yeah

Max

Are we in town?

Dennis

Yeah

Max

Do you want breakfast?

Dennis

I ate before I left the house.

Max

Yeah I guess I’m not that hungry.

Dennis

You sure?

Max

Yeah.

(Max looks out the window.)

Dennis

I will stop if you really want too.

Max

Nah it’s ok.

Dennis

Really I’ll stop if you need me too.

Max

I can’t afford breakfast anyway. My girlfriend isn’t a nurse yet.

Dennis

I could always-

Max

You’re not paying for my breakfast I’m not that desperate.

Dennis

Well I mean my wife is a nurse.

Max

Really I’m ok.

Dennis

Ok, I mean we’re in town.

Max

Dennis

Dennis

There’s a place right there.

Max

I was thinking more of you, I don’t really eat in the mornings anyway.

Dennis

Well you’ve lost your chance anyway the schools coming up on the right.

Max

(Reading the sign.)

Wallace Elementary home of the fighting fowl.

(Dennis turns into the school.)

The fighting fowl?

Dennis

My son plays their soccer team.

Max

What kind of name is the fighting fowl.

Dennis

They aren’t very good.

(Dennis pulls into a parking spot.)

Max

Y’know what’s funny.

Dennis

What?

Max

This is the most we’ve ever talked. Out of all the mornings we’ve ridden together this is the most we’ve talked.

Dennis

Yeah…that’s funny.

(Dennis turns off the car and they both climb out.)

The school wants you to tour the classes before our presentation, so you better put on your suit.

Max

Great.

(He pulls the Max Magnum suit out of the back of the van and begins to put it on. He stops with one leg in.)

What time does school start?

Dennis

It already has, why?

Max

Should I go change inside somewhere?

Dennis

Why?

Max

I don’t want any of the kids seeing me put on the suit.

Dennis

What, you don’t want to ruin the magic for them?

Max

No I just don’t want them to see me.

Dennis

You’ll never see any of them again, does it really matter?

Max

Yes

(He hides himself behind the van and finishes putting on the suit. He stops before putting on the Max Magnum head.)

I’ve always hated Max Magnum.

Dennis

Why?

Max

That was my nickname in high school.

Dennis

You know what my nickname was?

Max

What?

Dennis

Shrimpdick.

Max

I think yours is worse.

Dennis

Yeah.

(Max puts on the head.)

Max

(Muffled.)

Lets go.

(Dennis grabs the sign out of the back and locks up the van.)

Dennis

Alright.

(They walk of the stage into the school. Dennis runs back to the van after a moment.)

I forgot the USB.

( He unlocks the van, grabs the USB and runs offstage. The lights dim until only the two chairs are visible.)

-End-

 

 

Author's Note

Say what you want, you're really not gonna hurt my feelings.