Suicide- The Other Side

thoughts left behind

Suicide- The Other Side

I had taken a half-day leave for that day. It was my daughter’s birthday, and I had promised to take her for shopping, and then dinner. She was excited about it from a month. From whatever I earn, I had saved up money to gift her the books she wished to read. I am not educated, but I am happy that my daughter is able to study, and reading is her passion. I can’t afford to buy many books for her, but, still she kept her passion alive by borrowing books from her friends.

 

It was 2 P.M. I quickly finished my lunch. I had to reach home by 4.30, and before that I also had to buy pastries for her. The next metro was scheduled for 2.15 p.m. I took my seat in the cabin. The signal showed green and I started the metro.

 

Generally, it took about 55 minutes to complete a trip of the 13 stations. The 8th statiom was approaching. As usual, this station was the most crowded one. Just a split second after we entered, a man jumped on to the tracks. In a moment, I applied the brakes. But, the momentum of the running train was such that it took 4 seconds to come to a halt.Four seconds.

 

This was too much at that moment. The man had already been crushed under the wheels. The atmosphere was suddenly filled with panic, with people rushing to the site, metro officials and guards trying to assess and pull the body out.

 

But, my body had become numb. My hands and feet were frozen. I could hear no sound except the beating of my heart. A man had been killed my me. I was driving the metro under which his corpse now lay. I could do nothing to save him. I had taken a life. I was oblivious to whatever was going on around me. The motor man shook me. I looked towards him.

 

“I killed a person.”

 

“Hey, don’t cry. Don’t feel guilty. This is a suicide. You have done nothing. You did not kill him. Are you listening?”

 

My brain could not make out what me ears heard. I had lost control of all the senses“Come with me,” he placed his hand on my shoulder.

 

I was walking, blindly. Not understanding a thing. Not listening a thing.

 

He made me sit down and handed me a glass of water.

 

“Drink.”

 

I gulped down the water, and looked around. I was in the station master’s office.

 

“You can take a leave for 2-3 days.”

 

“Okay, Sir.” These two words were all that I could manage.

 

I walked out. I was on the street, walking endlessly. I did not know where to go, what to do. Images of the person leaping in front of the metro flashed again and again before my eyes.I sat down beneath a tree on the pavement. There were no thoughts in my mind. No track of time. I just sat there, staring nowhere. Never in my 15 year career, had I made a mistake while driving. And today, a man died.I had no knowledge for how long I sat there. Suddenly, I could here my phone ringing. I looked around. The sun had gone down and the moon was shining up there. The street lights were glowing. I looked at my watch. It was 8 p.m.

 

The phone had stopped ringing. I took it out of my pocket.

39 Missed calls.

5 Messages.

 

“Papa, where are you? Please come home.”

 

My wife and daughter had called me so many times. But, I don’t remember hearing any ring. Oh no! I had to take my daughter out for her birthday. I had forgot everything. I knew she would be upset. I rushed home. My wife and daughter were tensed.

 

“Are you alright?” They both asked at the same time“Umm… Yes.”

 

“Your colleague informed us about the incident,” my wife said.

 

“Don’t be upset. It wasn’t your fault. You go and freshen up. I’ll get the dinner ready.”

 

“I am really not hungry. I just want to sleep. You and Riya have your dinner. I am fine.”

 

She went into the kitchen. I looked at my daughter.

 

“I am sorry, beta.”

 

She hugged me.“No Papa, it’s okay. We’ll go out some other day. You take rest.”

 

I lay down on my bed, closing my eyes. But, sleep was nowhere close to me. All that I could think was about the man who died under my metro.

Author's Note

enjoy

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'Suicide'
Danny,
This story is a reality in this world. How abruptly a person's life can be interrupted by the sharp and brittle reality of another human being and their own hopeless reality. I just sat here for a moment and pondered how many all around us loose hope and just give up. Your narrative of course comes from your own personal experience and the happenings within this life which may bring emotional, physical and spiritual shock. You handled it as best you could. You were witness to the vulnerability of life and even how precious it really is. The beauty of your family and the comfort; the cocoon of their surrounding arms really struck me as being an incredible blessing. Thank you for bravely sharing your experience and moving forward as you have.
We have experienced our own share of loss and death in my own family. Enough said but it is a difficult thing. No way round it but time and patience and just care for your self is the key. Your story was beautiful in it's way as the reader experences this process. I have run to the arms of my Lord Jesus and cried out pain, fear and sadness many a time. I wish the same for you.
Bless you and yours this Spring.
Kathy

[Great Aunt Astri]

Enjoy? I am practically weeping! Seriously though, I think you have told this story very well in a clear and moving way. It must be a terrible experience, killing someone accidently, (was this you, or are you projecting?). I felt like giving you(?) a hug at the end. I think I would have liked a glimmer of hope or comfort at the end, as you leave us also sleepless and thinking of the man who dies!!!! But very well written!

[barleygirl]

At the beginning I wasn't sure if the narrator was the one driving the metro. This could be made more clear, earlier in the story, rather than later when you spelled it out. But that's just my preference. As for the story, very gripping & intensely felt all along. I have known people who accidently killed someone & it's a hard experience to convey in a realistic way, as you've done here. I like the way you use the daughter as a way to show how much this experience wasted the narrator, so much so, that he'd miss this special occasion with her. Also, the family dynamics are authentic (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Karen Redburn]

So very sad, and honest. For me this story was highly familiar. I had a young friend who drove the bus. He was vital, happy and full of life. One day an elderly gentlemen stepped out in front of the bus and died later in hospital. After it was ruled an accident my young friend tried to go back to driving. When I saw him he was so different, and eventually I didn't see him anymore. I assume he gave up driving. It is so very hard and does change the lives of everyone involved in ways. Good write, very hard read.

[Coyote Poetry]

This would effect anyone with great sadness. I lost two brothers to suicide. I still hold regret for not doing enough. Your words are honest and true. Hard to grasp the need of suicide. Thank you Danny for sharing the powerful and worthwhile story.
Coyote

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Such a terrible thing to be part of- when I immigrated to UK 2 years ago and had to travel into Lindon each day from Essex it happened a lot- I was devastated and starting searching y and asking what causes this- such a sad place a person must be to do this- I do believe that the lack of sun and Vit D plays a big part- but no it wasn’t your fault these things happen but not nice- well written- I enjoyed reading 🌹

[danny]

cheers i'm glad you enjoyed

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

Yes indeed🌹