Prologue

     The night was dark. She could barely see anything. Not even the stars were shining, as if predicting some ominous event that was about to happen.

     She clutched tighter to the baby. Even if she couldn't get away, she wanted the baby to live. She heard her pursuers behind her and she began to run faster. But, the twists and turns in this city were well known by everyone and the night was silent, so her footsteps were heard. She knew it was impossible to get away, but somehow she had to save the baby. She didn't want to do this, but she had to. She put the jewel, the most important jewel, around the baby's neck and hid two notes, one for whoever found the baby and one for the baby for when she was old enough, in the baby's blanket.

     She gave the baby one last kiss and sent her baby girl, the last royal alive, into the human world. It would be difficult to get back to this world, but it was necessary.

     "Hello Princess," a voice behind her sneered. She quickly turned around to find Rafe standing there laughing.

     "It's over. Hand me the baby," he called, stretching his hands out.

     "It's too late. I've already sent Gysett into the human world," she screamed at Rafe. He screamed with rage and sent a bolt of light at her. She fell to the ground, life no longer in her.

     "I will find your child and kill her. Then, and only then, can the throne truly be mine," Rafe said quietly, then he strode off, leaving the body of the dead princess behind him.

Reviews

[Violet Rose]

I advise you only of two things right now:

1) Try to vary up your subjects. You use "she" a lot. Since this woman is dead, you don't have to worry about spoiling too many surprises if you describe her and use her adjectives as the subjects. "The Blonde/Redhead/Brunette" or "The woman/Girl/Lass" or "The Elf/Elephant/Werewolf" or something creative.

2) Use your formatting to separate the instance of what's going on in the human world and what's happening in the not-human world. I thought, for a moment, that Rafe appeared just after she set the baby down and thought, "Wait. Why doesn't he kill the baby now?" Then I realized, after the girl spoke, that they had transitioned to a new world.