Chapter 1

This is the first chapter for my story School for the Gifted. I'm sorry if it's a short chapter.

     Wren looked up from her textbook to see Jasin Rains walking toward her. No doubt he was coming up to her to aske her out. It wasn't that she didn't like him, he just reminded her too much of herself. It also did not help that she kept having strange dreams, somewhat distant, of them eating together, playing together, being put to bed by some man taller than themselves. The man she thought she new, Jasin seemed only a distant, but familiar person. Afterall, Wren had thought thousands of times, they could be related. They shared the same purple eyes. The facial features were even the same, slightly pointed. They were even the same height, about five feet ten inches. The only difference seemed to be hair color. Jasin's hair was blonde, which was a huge contrast to her dark brown hair. They were also pretty attractive, as Wren had heard many times in the halls, but she cringed at the word. She wasn't one for preppy personality. Sure, she was bubbly, outgoing, and loud, but she had more of a conservative style, like Jasin. There was no possible way they could be related though. They were so different.

     "Wren, I came to tell you that I'm moving to a different school and won't see you again." Jasin said, throwing her so off her train of thought, she couldn't see it anymore.

     "What? You're telling me that you're leaving? For good?" Wren said. She couldn't believe this. They'd been together, in pretty much all the same classes, since kindergarten.

     "Yeah, it's in Massachussets somewhere." Jasin said, his face growing serious. She could see that this thought disturbed him. The thought of leaving New York made Wren feel sick to the stomach. She was born and raised here and wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

     "Well, I'll see you around." Jasin said, leaving. Wren sat there in shcok, until she realized that the bell and that she'd have to run to her next class.

     The reast of the day passed so slowly. She tried not to think about the empty seat at the side of the classroom that he would usually sit in. The last bell finally rung and she ran to her bus, eager to get home. She wished she hadn't been so eager.

Author's Note

I'm sorry for incorrect grammer and spelling. I actually added a little more detail than where I had written the original draft. Please comment if you'd like, or message me. Either one is fine.

Reviews

[Violet Rose]

Don't ever let someone tell you that a chapter is too short. Some bozo just told me that my first chapter was really a description. B*****D! RAWR!

(copies and pastes larger to read)

All right. I'll edit it quickly for ya :) You have the little itty bitty menial errors no one cares about except Microsoft Word >_< And Massachusetts - the second hardest state to spell ^_^

Okay, edited. It's only a suggestion, apart from the spelling errors:

Wren looked up from her textbook to see Jasin Rains walking toward her. No doubt he was coming up to her to ask her out. It wasn't that she didn't like him; he just reminded her too much of herself. It also did not help that she kept having strange dreams, somewhat distant, of them eating together, playing together, being put to bed by some man taller than themselves; she thought she knew the man. Jasin seemed only a distant, yet-familiar person. After all, Wren had thought thousands of times, they could be related. They shared the same purple eyes. The facial features were even the same - slightly pointed. They were even the same height, about five feet ten inches. The only difference seemed to be hair color. Jasin's hair was blonde, which was a huge contrast to her dark brown hair. They were also pretty attractive, as Wren had heard many times in the halls, but she cringed at the word. She wasn't one for a preppy personality. Sure, she was bubbly, outgoing, and loud, but she had more of a conservative style, like Jasin. There was no possible way they could be related though. They were so different.
"Wren, I came to tell you that I'm moving to a different school and won't see you again." Jasin said, throwing her so off her train of thought. She couldn't see it anymore.
"What? You're telling me that you're leaving? For good?" Wren said. She couldn't believe this. They'd been together, much in the same classes, since kindergarten.
"Yeah. It's in Massachusetts, somewhere," Jasin said, his face growing serious. She could see that this thought disturbed him. The thought of leaving New York made Wren feel sick to the stomach. She was born and raised there and wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.
"Well, I'll see you around." Jasin said, leaving. Wren sat there in shock, until she realized that the bell had rung and that she'd have to run to her next class.
The rest of the day passed so slowly. She tried not to think about the empty seat at the side of the classroom that he usually sat in. The last bell finally rang and she ran to her bus, eager to get home. She wished she hadn't been so eager.

I like the last sentence. It scopes in on Wren's emotions, while also hinting that something is going on in the plot. I'd recommend straying from helping verb + verb only because it makes the work seem weaker. That's why I chopped up some of your sentences. (Sorry, I didn't want to offend!) Jasin's pretty emotionless in his dialogue, in my opinion. He just basically says, "Eh, seeya. I'm going somewhere." No contact information or anything. Poor Wren. She was haughty in believing he was asking her out, in my humble opinion. If I thought every guy coming up to talk to me, no matter how long I knew, was going to ask me out, I'd be in trouble. Did something happen that she thought this? You don't need to answer. An intelligent reader would realize something probably happened recently, or soon, such as the prom or something. Still, for a girl who thinks she knows him so well, she really doesn't know that much..

Anyway, that's what I think.

[Violet Rose]

I'M BLIND!!!

PLZ TO MAKE IT BIGGER!!!

(for old people like me)


Like the actual "larger" or "largest"

[zelly60]

I'll try and make that bigger. I wasn't sure how big it needed to be because this is my first time using this site.

[Amy]

It's really short...but I do like it. The text is a little to small, I had to squint to see it. Oh, well. Good job.

[Phoenix Alleena]

I