heartbreak

it hurts deep down

a little to the left

dull and aching

it pulls at each breath

it clings to hope

small pockets of relief

but returns even worse

after retreat

it flutters and curls

shakes and quivers

over eyelids it pours

and shimmers

Reviews

[H L Rose]

I love how it shows deep significance through simplistic lines. The word choice is light and simple so it doesn't sound like the speaker is trying to explain something profound, and yet it reaches deep emotions. The simple rhyme scheme along with the slant rhymes I think goes along with giving it a casual feel.

The whole poem also feels a bit like a dance with “a little to the left”, “it clings to hope”, “it flutters and curls...and shimmers”. That may just be me though, but I absolutely love it!

If I were to give any sort of criticism (which I try to, in order to be helpful if I can), it would be that I'm not sure if it feels finished, however I am no expert so I could be completely wrong.

I really enjoyed reading this!