The Girl with the Blue Eyes

The girl with the blue eyes

Has moved in to the apartments

Of my mind now.

Dwelling in the dark spaces,

Her hands work her carving knife

From the inside.

I bleed quietly.

As her piercing eyes

Look into mine,

Always.

Reviews

[Gaia Octavia]

Ah, my old blue-eyed friend returns. Perhaps she represents something you fear facing? Or maybe she represents intimacy or females in general? I know that I was "haunted" by my waking nightmares for years and it is not the most fun thing to be going through. Luckily, you are going to be writing a lot for school so maybe you can untangle this enigma at some point with some stream of thought writing or an exercise. I have a feeling that when you are ready to let her go, she will die. Then again, what the hell do I know? ☺ Anywho, as always, I enjoyed the dark vulnerability of this piece and thank you for sharing.

[Zugzwang]

Yar, she's been hanging around for a while now. She's pretty multifaceted, actually, as I'm sure you can appreciate. There's something very compelling about her that I'm trying to get to the bottom of...it's pretty inarticulate right now but I think I can do something more with it. Anyhoo, she's a composite: threatening aspects of myself and of women, including women I have known. I didn't know I was a closet misogynist, but there you go. And, yes, she will die but not till she tells me something- that's what she's trying to do. Fun times!

[Gaia Octavia]

Maybe it's not a bad thing. Maybe she is your f*cked up muse who will pull some really stellar work out of you before she goes. Either way, I don't think it says anything bad about you. 1. Women can be terrible and 2. Everyone has their own mess to untangle. Keep up the good fight, my friend; your pen is quite the sharpened weapon.

[Zugzwang]

It's all good. I don't feel that there's anything really problematic here either. It's normal and natural for men and women to find each other threatening on some (probably deep) level; we lay ourselves bare to each other in relationships and can feel very vulnerable at times. And sometimes we get hurt, leaving us wary. I don't feel that I've been mistreated by women, but I have my scars as most people do. The misogynist gag was probably ill advised...I have always enjoyed being around women and feel very comfortable with them, certain ex-girlfriends aside. And yes, I'll continue wielding the pen in the name of truth and narcissistic introspection. :)

[Gaia Octavia]

Nah, the gag was good. Besides, everyone is misogynistic, even (especially) women ☺ Keep on keepin on.

[Zugzwang]

Haha, perhaps you're right! The rich tapestry of life and all that. Thanks for the chat. :)

[Ayushi Jha]

Harsh realistic culture expressed through fictional scenarios and that too in a very applaudable way!
Loved it :)

[Zugzwang]

Thank you Ayushi. It's a very dark piece and not to everyone's liking, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Ruth]

Such a consuming piece...when something so visceral enters the mind, it does indeed consume like this, excellent :)

[Zugzwang]

Thank you, Poppy, for your thoughtful comment.

[Ria Carol]

The poem pierces through one's heart...its wonderfully constructed.
Keep writing... :)

[Zugzwang]

Thank you, Ria, I will. I appreciate the comment.
z.

[Lyn Anderson]

I favourited this before I reviewed it. This is very intense -- it could be about a woman once loved, who carves the speaker out from the inside -- or a person who scares the speaker -- or both -- either way, it is an impactful short poem

[Zugzwang]

Wow, thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked it. This girl appeared in a dream and ,well , she's moved into my consciousness. Nothin' like a woman who knows what she wants...in this case, to kill me. Let me know if you figure it out, I can't :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

for me, the eyes are the most important part of a person's physical attributes...and they speak volumes...and that memory of the gaze of them...stays with us even after that person leaves us in a physical sense...

"the eyes have it" don't they?

really like the apartment metaphor...would like to have seen that brought back somehow at the end...but the piece really has depth and feeling...

[Zugzwang]

That's so true. We do remember a person's gaze for a long time. I like your suggestion about prolonging the metaphor, I think I'll try to find a way to do that. And yes, I do have a thing about eyes. It's funny, these themes keep on cropping up in my poems and I'm always the last person to figure it out! Haha.
Thanks for the awesome review Jacob.
z.

[V]

I like how you interpreted the topic eyes, the way you combined it. Again, it turns it out to be dark with a notion of violence but I also like this attitude in your poems. Interesting read. (I've never managed to write anything really obscure so maybe I should try that when I find inspiration and words again but for the time being I (plan to) leave for a while to collect strength and whatsoever)

[Zugzwang]

Yes, I suppose it seems opaque. I write about dreams sometimes and this particular girl is from a dream who has made the transition to the waking world. The poems aren't opaque to me....I just forget that people can't read my thoughts (!). I'm sorry to hear that you're leaving for a while, but happy travels and do drop in when you get back.
Cheers,
z.

[V]

I will. I just got caught too much in writing and spending time here. It's difficult sometimes to articulate yourself in ways other people understand, as well. But poetry doesn't have to be straightforward, so opaqueness is also nice. I even do it on purpose at times.

[Zugzwang]

Yes, I know what you mean. I probably spend too much time on here too.

[V]

It's ok to fill your spare time but not if you get distracted too much from "real"life sort of.

[Zugzwang]

Precisely, but it's so much fun!
Best to find a balance.
I really should be reading or writing narrative now.

[V]

Ok if you feel like. I'm more into poetry lately maybe I'm just too lazy to read or write anything extensive ^^

[V]

I log out for now. Laters

[Zugzwang]

Well, it's not that...poetry's my thing but I'm doing literature and writing at uni I was talking about that, specifically the narrative subject I'm doing. I don't get to do poetry until next year :(

[V]

Oh ok. I studied literature too once and to be honest I kind of started to hate it after a while, they made me by forcing me to write so many papers analyzing and overanalyzing writings. I think it's nice you even get to write narrative, at least anything creative for I didn't. Ok laters