Silent Witness

Based on a dream

Blithely speeding down a darkened dream highway,

The silent passenger seated mutely at my side

Was witness to the sickening thud and

Shuddering lurch as I hit someone at speed.

The woman was killed instantly,

And as her body sailed

Lazily through the fraught air and over the car,

Her eyes flicked open wide

And locked onto mine:

Piercing with their electric blue

Pure awareness-

I was impaled, as

She saw into me,

Saw all of me,

And knew my fear.

I cannot forget this moment.

I cannot forget this moment.

I cannot forget this moment.

Reviews

[alifeacoustic]

Maybe the silent passenger was your conscience and the open eyes of the victim were you, looking into yourself and what you have done. Or maybe I should just stop reading dream interperatation books.
I like the intensity of your words in this. Its like we are the passenger and feel the fear you portray.
Superb.

[Zugzwang]

Well intuited. I think I am probably all 3 of the characters here, or that they represent different aspects of self. Or maybe not. I guess I will probably never really know but it's interesting to write and think about. I think I may be freaking a few people out with these last 2 pieces. I'm glad you liked the poem and I look forward to reviewing a few of yours....but work is crazy so it might take until the weekend!!

[alifeacoustic]

Oh, theres always some think us crazy, what can we do? :)

[Zugzwang]

True, dat. We all carry our own personal hell around with us. Hang on....thats a poem right there. Time to scribble.

[The Seeker of Thoughts]

The witness was not to the murder I feel. Instead, this silent enigma was the witness of change. The change of who you were into the killer now. A silent judge passing a verdict. Thank you for the writing.

[Zugzwang]

Interesing interpretation. The best thing about writing poetry is seeing all the varying ways a poem can be received. Thanks for your comment!

[pink elephant]

Wow that's a varry powerful piece I must say 😊

[Zugzwang]

Thank you, Pink Elephant. I appreciate the comment.

[Firebird]

This is the kind of dream that would wake you up in a cold sweat. I hope the writing of this great poem has helped to exorcise it.

[Zugzwang]

It's getting worse actually!
I am starting to look into the meaning and it's not pretty.
read moreIt's getting worse actually!
I am starting to look into the meaning and it's not pretty.
But not to worry, I've had some good dreams since then.

[Firebird]

Hmm...looking into it can give you nightmares but may be necessary. Your mind sorts itself out while you sleep. Take care.

[Zugzwang]

It's all good. I have some helpful people around me!

[TrishArias]

Love love !! I feel the emotion in the repetition

[Zugzwang]

Thank you for your review, Trish. It is much appreciated.

[Autumn Lyric]

wow! deeply effective writing and imagery. your words took me in as though I was watching a most intense movie scene. what a way to wake up...

[Zugzwang]

Thank you, LaShaye. I'm glad you enjoyed that fragment. Perhaps I'll post some more. Thanks very much for the feedback, it is appreciated.

[DirectTangent]

Whoa.
There seems to be a lot going on here - stuff of significance.

The silent passenger, sitting mutely in the second line, is not referred to after that. Were I that passenger, I think the driver would be at risk of howling deafness at the moment of striking the woman. Interesting...

And the woman was killed upon impact but, tumbling in the air, her eyes flick open and impale you (dang!) - as if she were no longer the casualty but now you were the fatality - all pretense and facade shredded. Full discovery, full exposure, complete vulnerability - pure awareness. I think I could see how that might get the anxiety percolating a bit.

How would a moment like that ever be forgotten?

Interesting use of language. Blithely and lazily felt to me to be set against sickening and shuddering, but not in a yin/yang way. There’s friction in between.

I cannot know what the initial intent in composing this might have been This is just how it’s striking me at this moment. A haunting piece. There feels to me to be an almost primitive emotional tone to it. You carried it well.

[Zugzwang]

Yar, it's pretty heavy. It is based on a dream I had that has been haunting me. Don't ask me what it means, though, I'm not sure! The fact that it's a dream would explain the primitive feel of it, coming from the unconscious as it does. And the contrasting adjectives are my way of expressing the gulf between events...blithe driver, horrible impact, lazy sailing, fraught air, piercing eyes. I remember the eyes. The poem is an attempt to articulate the horror the dream engendered in me.
I have dreams like this often.
Have a nice day!!!