A Sonnet for Suicide.

Just trying to capture an intense experience in verse.

My tiny craft had capsized in huge seas,
Was wracked by wind and waves like mountain-sides:
A plaything for vindictive gods, whose tides
Propelled her far, so far away from me.
To tread the water's fine until, you see,
The body's powers bit by bit subside
And then's a battle grim and hard, beside
Extinguished sun, full deaf to any plea.
Oh, I was like those forlorn souls, with guise
Of livid hue, whose limbs upon the waves
Do bob like lifeless things. Electric eyes
Leap from the face, by panic set ablaze.
I heard a voice, from deep below, arise:
'Come deep, find sleep, the sweet surcease you crave'.

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at a longish rhyming poem. Any suggestions or criticisms are welcome. I hope you enjoy it (!)

Reviews

[Firebird]

I enjoyed that. Reminiscent of someone like Tennyson.

[Zugzwang]

Thanks. I've not read him...perhaps I should. This was my first attempt at a sonnet so I'm pretty fond of it.

[Gaia Octavia]

I did enjoy it. "Of livid hue, whose limbs upon the waves / Do bob like lifeless things" is one of the best lines I've read on this site. Nice job ☺

[Zugzwang]

Thanks Octavia. Well, it's in kind of an archaic style but I found I had to do that to get things to fit into the rhyme scheme. I liked that line too (and was embarrassed by it). I appreciate the review.

[Willard Wells]

NIce piece and I will not try to save you as your notes don't make me feel that murder is your focus at this point in time. I like the flow of this piece and the imagery that you brought to your work. I did enjoy it.

[Zugzwang]

Thanks Willard. You're correct in your assessment. The poem is about an experience that was pretty intense at the time but is firmly rooted in the past. I'm glad you liked it, this was my first sonnet and it was hard to write! (Technically ). I am proud of it despite it's faults and am happy you wnjoyed it. Thanks for the review!

[annalysiar]

Its good deep I like it. 😇

[Zugzwang]

thanks Annalysiar, I appreciate the review.

[annalysiar]

You're welcome

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think you have good rhythm and wording in this...found this most absorbing...and have often wondered about destiny...reminds me of Clash of the Titans when the gods are playing chess...and are moving the pieces around, the humans....constructing the game...and we are pawns.

[Zugzwang]

Thanks Jacob. It's based on an actual experience with clinical depression. The experience did i deed feel like being at the mercies of the gods, but they were self created and internal . Thanks for your kind review and taking the time to look at my poem.

[WerTherBeDragons]

Fab-U-lous - given your first attempt at short, rhyming poetry was meer days ago this is a huge leap....
I lack sea-legs! So, could really feel the terror/abandonment building as the poem progressed.

[Zugzwang]

Thanks 'Dragons. I have to say that I'm not particularly pleased with it, as I don't really think it flows that well. But I thought I'd get it out there and perhaps polish or rework it later. But yes, the poem is about the mortal terror experienced when adrift on the dark side of the psyche.