The Only Way Out is to Jump

From Untitled

I was nervous. I was possibly going to win an award for best young fantasy novel. I rolled out of bed. I did not know what to do with myself. I heard a knock on my room door and then a key card accessing it.

“Wake up,” said Dana. She and Liz walked in side by side.

“Hi Liz! What are you doing in the city? I thought you had a luncheon and dinner?”

“I do,” she replied. “I feel bad I couldn’t come see the award ceremony tonight so I brought you this breakfast.”

I took the bag she held out. She knew breakfast was my favorite meal. I opened it to see a Belgian waffle, home fries, scrambled eggs, bacon, and Louisiana hot sauce and syrup. I hugged her. “Thanks!”

“Hello,” a familiar voice called. It was the famous senator.

“In here baby,” said Liz.

She looked so happy. I couldn’t help but be happy and jealous of her all at once. Her wedding seemed like eons ago. Senator Ivan entered the room.

“Hi. Still in bed? The life of a writer,” he said.

“This is a relaxed day,” I replied.

“Far from it,” said Dana.

I looked and said, “I thought I had the day to myself?”

“You did,” said Dana, then she opened her phone. “But two people want to interview you about your nomination and I said yes.”

“I should have asked Liz to manage my schedule, she knows how to say no.”

“True,” said Liz.

“She also usually doesn’t bring you breakfast in bed. What’s the catch?”

“I want you to speak at my school to the students. A reading and possibly share a little bit from your new book?”

I thought about her request as I ate a piece of bacon. “When?”

“Five weeks,” said Liz. “I already checked your schedule and your mom said she would come and that makes me even more excited because they want to meet someone a character is based on she said yes. Of course she made me pay for her flight and hotel before I got a yes from you.”

“She is a businesswoman,” I grinned. “Yeah, I can do it. Sounds like a lot of fun.”

“Yay!”

“The breakfast idea was mine since I stole her from you two-three years ago,” said Ivan.

Dana and I smiled. “You can have her,” we said.

“You all suck,” said Liz. “Well I will let you eat. It is an hour drive from here to my place. Remember we are all doing dinner Thursday night before you all leave town. How long is this promotion tour?”

“Five months or so. And you have been added to the calendar,” said Dana.

“Ok, so I won’t see much of you all for half the year after that. Can we do a pre-hug to the hug?” Liz asked. We all hugged and then we heard Josh.

“I want to hug!” He said as the door to his and Dana’s room closed and he came and joined. “Why are we hugging?”

“It’s the pre-hug to the hug on Thursday,” said Ivan.

“The tour hug,” Josh said.

“Thanks,” I said. Ivan and Liz left.

“What you got,” Josh said taking a strip of bacon.

“I’m sorry breakfast from the Senator and his wife.”

My phone buzzed and Josh grabbed it and handed it to me, but not before seeing who the text was from.

“It’s Charlie,” he said.

I took the phone and read the text.

            Good morning! Congrats on the nomination. I am sorry I cannot be there. Being an actor sucks on days like this. But you understand? �" Charlie.

            Yes, I understand. Have a good day. And thank babe. �" me.

 

            “’Babe’,” Josh said. “Mmhm. Things seems to be heating up.”

            “Leave him alone Josh,” said Dana.

            “Hey, I’m happy for you. I am just hoping you and Tate are done. I mean you guys haven’t even started in my book.”

            “Josh,” said Dana.

            “We are done,” I said. “I actually am going to make that clear while I am here. At the after party, with some liquor courage.”

            “At a boy,” said Josh. “You deserve someone and this Charlie guy I is hot. I’d bang.” Josh said jokingly.

            I rolled my eyes as I ate. I checked another text from Sean.

 

                        Congrats bro! I am proud of you. I will see you all Thursday! �" Sean.

                        Thanks! Be careful, you already got shot once. �" Me.

 

            I finished eating and Dana had put together an outfit for me.

            “You selected something from my personal designs,” I said.

            “Actually our personal design,” she said. “I helped with this one.”

            “True,” I said. I brushed my teeth, dressed, and fixed my hair. Dana and Josh kissed a bit in the background.

            “Can you two get a room?” I asked.

            “We already have one,” said Dana.

            “But we can use your bed,” said Josh.

            Dana laughed. “Ok, so a limo will be here to get us within in the hour. We�"josh and I�"can have a quick bite. Want to meet us in the lobby in thirty?”

            “Yeah,” I said.

            “Ok,” said Dana. She left.

            “You good?” asked Josh. He must have noticed I was thinking more than usual.

            “Yeah, I just am thinking of what I am going to say to Tate tonight.”

            “Just tell him you are seeing someone that you like and he may know him.”

            “He may,” I said. Tate did know Charlie. They were working in the same studio and had met a few times. They were more acquaintances than friends.

            “He knows him,” said Josh.

            “Yes,” I said.

            “Well, just don’t mention Charlie’s name and he should be fine.”

            I felt my eyes bulge a little in alarm.

            “I’m kidding, kind of. Tate’s a little scary.” Josh left.

            I sat on the bed and scrolled through pictures of Charlie and I. We had done well at keeping our relationship out of the media. Though I was out, I had to maintain a relatively straight and narrow image through the release of the final book and tour. The past four months had been wonderful with Charlie. I wanted things to work with him.

            I stepped onto my balcony. It was a warm day.  I could not wait to get back to Boston so I could enjoy my loft and start working on another book and writing more poetry.

            I met Dana and Josh in the lobby and we climbed into the limo together. We all had brought our clothes for the awards show tonight. The driver greeted us and we him. Dana handed me some questions I would be asked and I took a few off that I did not want to answer and Josh mock interviewed me. When we arrived to the first interview, a radio station office, I told Josh I planned to not work and just hang like regular people. He smiled and said, “It’s Dana.”

            “Yeah,” I said. “We know Dana.

            Inside the studio, I met the famous radio host, Shaun Bauz, infamous for his gossip, trend setting hashtags, and his high profile interviews. He only shook my hand as he was live on air when we enter.

            “Author of the hit teenage fantasy series, Mr. Evan J Ryans up next after the break! This is SB Highs and Byes.”

            The ON AIR sign light went off and Bauz stood said, “You ready for this man? I aint never heard you on no black radio station. Are you a brotha?”

            I scoffed and said, “I write fantasy and I’m not black?”

            “Hey, you doing things many brotha aint doing.  However, I respect yo hustle. Winning over a crowd much different. Got the black kids reading HP and that o ther vampire s**t.”

            “Got to have everyone reading.” I looked at Dana. I was a bit shocked she had set me up with someone who I had little rapport with outside of listening to his platform. There had been some backlash from the community since I had written a fantasy novel. They felt it catered more to the white American. I had created a diverse cast for the novel and the casting for the movie was underway, and it was just as diverse as I had assured those who were the skin tone designated in the book would represent the character.

            “Here you go man,” said another host, handing me a headset. “I’m out.”

            I took his seat and Dana came over and said, “Remember, if you cannot handle a question look�"

            “Dana, I’m a big boy, I got this,” I said.

            “He has it babe,” said Josh.

            Bauz returned and took his seat. We placed our headphones on simultaneously and he said, “Going live, 3, 2, 1,” he pointed to me.

            “Awe man, welcome back to SB Highs and Byes and we have Mr. Evan J Ryans here! Author of the famous fantasy series, Galurius. What is up man, we have never met. Actually you’ve never set down with a black radio station host.”

            I laughed off his comment, before speaking, “Man I have never really had the opportunity to get out there on many radios. You know I stick to podcasts that relate directly to my audience, but with the way the business is going now, every avenue you can take is leading one to their audience. So when I heard your name, I was like man, he has some crazy conversations. I want to be apart of his guests list.”

            “So, the next book comes out in like three months?”

            “Almost three months. And man I am excited.”

            “So, my son has read the first two and we have preordered the third and everyones going on and on about the last book not having a publisher and that you are not necessarily working on it…?”

            I had heard these rumors. “I am in the works on the book, I have a game plan in mind for the release. As I told fans the third and final installment of the series would come out at, a year apart.”

            “The fourth book is done,” asked Bauz, chin raised in suspect.

            I laughed, “I can’t say. I do not want people to expect it any sooner than I have told them to. But it will not be out the day after the third book.”

            “Ok, ok, I see. So what should we expect this this book? My son said the last book two important characters died.”

            “Yes, I had to kill off a couple characters to help the other characters grow. But, it was a necessary evil and I expect it took some readers by surprise, but it also probably made the war more real in the book. That’s what I want to capture.”

            “I see you,” said Bauz. “I only have you for this part of the show, so, I next question is, this movie?”

            “Yes, the movie. It has been picked up for production and the screenplay is in the works. And the cast is being assembled.”

            “When should we expect this and will�"there�"be�"colored�"people in this movie?”

            “I am on the creative team and I am overseeing the writing process. I am confident that the movies will represent everything in the books. I want it no other way.”

            “So who are leads, you know?”

            I had an idea, but I could not say. I smiled and said, “I cannot say. Ideas, but nothing confirmed at the moment.”

            “Got to keep it under wrap, I see you being a businessman. I also have to ask, you say that a businessman who inspires you is Jay Z,” said Bauz. He gave me duck lips and asked, “How is that?”

            “Jay Z is a great example of where I want to go in my career. I am fresh on the scene to most. My books have been selling, but my name has only just started to be known in the homes of Americans and I only have just book my first European book tour. I want to continue to have other ventures, and I look to people like Jay as an inspiration. And Buffet.”

            “You plan on investing?” Bauz asked with a laugh.

            “I have to make my talents work for me, and let the money also work for me. So yes, I plan to invest as all people should if and when they can.” I looked at Dana and Josh, who stood quietly in the side of the room.  Josh gave me thumbs up and Dana nodded her approval.

            “How would you tell young writers to pursue their goals?”

            “Just write,” I said. “Submit, self-publish, anthologies, and diversity in creativity.”

            “I see you,” he said. “Well I have one last question. It has to do with some poetry you are accused of being the author, but have not confirmed or denied the accusations. So are they true?”

            “Unfortunately, I haven’t seen the poetry and I can’t speak to what I haven’t seen, but maybe I will look into the rumors of being a poet,” I said with a smile.

            “So no denial or confirmation. Just lack of knowledge. Your PR doing they job.”

            I laughed a real laugh this time. “That is why they get a piece of the pie.”

            “Alright EJ. Yall EJ signing out! He will probably be in a city or on a screen near you soon, as his book tour kicks off. Be sure to download the book upon its release and go to the stores and pick it up if you are that type of person who likes to kill trees. SB will be right back!

            The ON AIR sign turned off once again and I stood up.

            “Thanks man,” I said shaking Bauz’s hand.

            “Nice meeting you.”

            “Evan, next one is cancelled, the arrival time for us has been pushed up for the show. Traffic. We may still be late.”

            I looked at the clock and saw it was past 2 o’clock. Where did the day go? I grabbed my jacket and followed the others out. In the limo, Josh told the driver to take a fastest route to the awards show. He said with traffic that it could be two and the half hours.

            I began to change and so did Dana. She was wearing a beautiful blue gown that trailed behind her. She had kept jewelry simple, wearing hanging earrings and one silver ring. I wore an old fashion tuxedo one would see Presidents wear in depression era. Gentlemen were instructed to wear light makeup due to all the lights and cameras, but I decided against it, besides my eyebrows. I did not have bad skin. I had moved past that.    Dana applied a light coat to Josh, which was barely noticeable. I grabbed a bottle of champagne and popped it open.

            “Before the show?”

            “Yes, I am celebrating the nomination,” I said.

            Josh laughed and said, “Me too.”

            I pour us two a glass and we toasted and sipped in silence watching the traffic. I was nervous about seeing Tate. My phone buzzed. It was Charlie. I answered.

 

            “Hi,” I said. I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

            “Hello,” his voice came through the phone. “You nervous?”

            “Yes,” I said. “Really nervous. Josh and I are having champagne.”

            “Early celebration for the coming win?” he said.

            I smiled at his confidence in me. “I do not know if I have won, just celebration for the nomination.” I was truly nervous about the win. I had not written any acceptance speech because truly, I had some steep competition.

            “You got this in the bag,” Charlie said. “I wish we could show up there together, but maybe the first award show after the final book?”

            “Yes, definitely,” I said. “I hate keeping you a secret. This image maintenance stinks. I’m out, but I’m not out. But you are out and single according to everyone.”

            “Not our publicist and families. I wonder what it will be like to walk down the streets of New York hand in hand.” His voice came a hint of seductiveness.

            I breathed heavily, thoughts of making love crossing my mind. I pushed those thoughts away.  “I was wondering how it would feel to hold you.”

            Charlie was silent for a moment, but he did that to keep me on edge. He knew I hated to be kept waiting. “It will feel amazing. It will feel even better, when I hold you. You need to be held.”

            “I want you to hold me,” I said quietly. I did not have to repeat myself as Charlie and I had something there. He knew what I wanted.

            “I wish I could kiss you good look,” he said. “But I guess knock ‘em dead will have to do.”

            I felt my cheeks get warm. If I were not dark-skinned, I would be red. “You knock ‘em dead. Goodbye.”

            “Bye,” he said. “…ve you.”

            I heard the words faintly as he hung up. My heart skipped a beat. I looked and saw Dana and Josh sniggering and whispering in each others ears. They looked at me.

            “He said, ‘love you.’ I breathed the words deeply.

            Dana cheesed the biggest smile ever and said, “Oh! Did you say it back?”

            I did not. I did not think he meant to say it, but knew he meant it. I was falling for him too. And while I could give him my heart, I felt like my soul belonged to Tate. Tonight I was going to take that from Tate. We needed to be done. I drink my glass of champagne. So many emotions were running through me.

            “I didn’t,” I said. “I can’t do that before Tate knows.”

            “I understand,” said Dana. “You are talking to him tonight. At the after party?”

            I nodded.

            “Do not back down. End it. Whatever it is, because Evan you deserve so much more than stolen moments with one of our friends lovers. And I know you all haven’t had sex. I actually admire both your restraints,  but I cannot see that restraint lasting much longer. End it. Charlie is a great guy. And he loves you and I think you love him. You’re just conflicted. This relationship with Tate has held you back. You go months without sex�"

            “Eighteen months at one point,” said Josh, with a scoff.

            “It isn’t healthy. Plus I think Sarah is waiting for the proposal and Tate needs a nudge. You can be that nudge. I will keep Sarah away tonight and Josh will keep Blake away. We will give you two time. ”

            I nodded. I did not know what to see. I just agreed. They were both correct. It needed to end. It was going to end. I sat in silence and they went back to talking and giggling. They looked happier than they were a few months ago, but with the tour coming up there would be turmoil soon.

            I sat in silence and when we arrived at the awards show it was nearly 5 o’clock. We were ushered from the car and lead by a press secretary to a red carpet where we were made to stand and pose for many pictures. I smiled as I had been taught to do. I also gave a look of a stud, which my female readers adored.  Dana and Josh posed together and then the three us did a single pose before the press secretary ushered us into the building. Inside I spoke with fellow authors and writers, but I could not tell you what about. My stomach was going crazy. The award show was not on my mind, Tate was. I turned and when I saw Sarah, I knew Tate was near. I had not seen Sarah since I saw her show.

She was beautiful. She wore an ivory gown that just covered her shoes. She and Blake were arm and arm. Blake definitely came solo. That was his way. He and Tate were nominated for an award together and the rumor was they had already won. Sarah saw me and waved to me. We moved towards each other through the crowd and hugged.

“Congratulations on everything,” I said in her ear. “I heard your second single was just certified platinum.”

“Yes,” she said, ecstatic. “There is so much to talk about Thursday night and say you and Dana will be there?”

“We will be there. How was the tour wrap up?”

“Amazing,” she said with a look a awe in her eyes. “I cannot wait to go out on the road again. I definitely see why you do a promo tour every book. It inspires you to keep going.”

“It does,” I agreed. “I heard that you are working on a new album.”

“Yes and other things you will find out about soon,” she said. “I heard that you are ghosting.”

I smiled. “I can’t reveal all my jobs.”

“If you are, and you aren’t offering me anything,” she said looking at me with a smile and serious look. Something very few people could accomplish.

“You would definitely be on my list of artists to work with.”

“Bro!” said Blake joining us. We embraced and he said, “Still a stud. Are we going to work on that book together or not?”

I smiled. “Or not. I told you we can’t work together right now. I have to focus on the series and then I can dedicate time to another major project.”

“Right, backburner,” Blake joked. “Tate is somewhere near here, probably looking for us.” Blake’s eyes did not leave me when he said ‘us’.

Did he know about Tate and I? He couldn’t. Tate and I had been so cautious. The only people who knew were Dana, Josh, and Liz…and I told them. Tate knew I had informed them about us. It upset him, but he trusted me so he trusted them to keep them a secret. I must have been hyperventilating because Sarah grabbed my arm.

“Are you ok!” she asked.

I took a deep breath, still looking at Blake. He had located Dana, Josh, and Tate in the crowd and was waving them over.  “Yeah, I am fine.” I looked at Sarah. “Perfect, just nervous.”

“ Ok,” said Sarah, still looking concerned. “Baby,” she said to Tate. She took his arm and I turned to him.

“Tate,” I said. I tried to smile like had when I saw Blake and Sarah, but I could not. He pulled away from Sarah and embraced me. We pat each other backs as we always did when others were around. I breathed in his scent as pulled away.

“Congrats you guys.”

“You too,” he replied. “How are you? I thought you and I were going to start on the third episode of that script.”

I laughed the statement off. “I told you and Blake, series comes first.” I was hot and nervous. Just as I was looking for a way to escape the gathering, a bell notified us to begin taking our seats. I tried to avoid walking next to Tate, but he took Sarah’s arm and ushered me with his arm. We were behind the others. Tate’s hand softly grazed my butt as he moved to his side, where his hand non-speculatively rubbed mine.  We were seated with an aisle between Blake, Sarah, Tate, and us, Dana, Josh and I.  I breathed and Josh whispered in my ear,

“I saw that,” he said. “You ok?”

“Yes,” I lied. I was extremely turned on by Tate, but also wanted nothing to do with him. The show started, but I was in a world of my own. Images of Charlie flashing in my line of vision and then Tate. I just sat in my thoughts, occasionally smiling for a photographer. When they reach my category, Josh nudge me.

“Are you paying any attention!” he said in my ear in a tone scorning me. But I could see he smiled out the corner of my eye. I noticed I was on screen. I smiled and nodded.

“…-ner is, E. J. Ryan!” the announcer said.

My heart skipped a beat. I had not written anything. I looked to Dana who handed me a piece of paper as I grabbed her hand. I stood as the audience cheer and took the stage. I was handed a glass award. It had nothing significant on it. It was simply for show. I opened the parchment, but there was nothing on it, but a hear and lips. I looked at Dana.

“I did not actually prepare anything to say,” I said. “And apparently Dana didn’t either, besides speak my heart. I want to say thank you, first and foremost to my reader and fans. This has not been easy finding my footing in this industry, but I have so much support from you. My team, my family, mom, my sisters, Renae and Martha, and my brother Lee, Lucas, and James, thank you all for supporting me. And to everyone nominated tonight, you are all great. I have read all of your work and I am honored to have such great talent to evolve with. Goodnight.”

I was lead backstage by the announcer where we took a photograph.  I then was lead to a hall, where I could grab water and napkins for the nervous sweat. I heard cheers. They had announced the winner of Blake and Tate’s category. The two had won. I looked quickly for an empty dressing room. I found one and as I pushed the door closed, a hand caught it. It was Tate.

He pushed his way into the room and closed the door.

“Tate�"

Before I could speak, his lips were on my. And out of instinct I kissed him back. He pulled me into his body and I pushed into it. I felt his bulge and the kissing became more aggressive. He spun me and put me against the door. His lips found my neck, then cheeks and then ear. His teeth biting my ear as he sucked it lightly.

“Oooh,” I moaned in pleasure. “I-I-I�"we�"n-no, NO!”

I pushed him off. He looked intrigued by this response. I panted. He grinned.

I found the doorknob and twisted it, but someone pushed it before I could pull and I was moved aside. It was Blake.

“We need to get seated,” he said. He looked at his brother and then me. “Hurry.”

He closed the door. I hurried out behind him. I found my seat and sat in silence for the remainder of the show. Josh and Dana knew what had happened without me saying. And I suspected Blake did too, but I wasn’t going to ask Tate if his brother knew about whatever we are�"were! When the show ended, I stood and quickly took leave to the next building where the after party was happening.

Unfortunately, we had not book rooms at this hotel because of scheduling. I found an empty meeting room on the floor where the after party was being hosted and sat in a chair. I don’t know how long I sat there because when I stepped out, the sun had set and the after party was booming with music and laughter. I found the music and the crowd and mingled trying to take my mind off what was about to happen. I found Dana and Josh in the crowd and they nodded to me they had Sarah and Blake covered. I saw Dana smack Josh’s hand and I knew something had happened with them. I found Tate in the crowd and looked towards the empty hall. I started that way and I saw him follow.

I heard his footsteps behind mine and when we came to the glass sliding doors, of the balcony, I opened them and we went outside. I hear him slide the doors close behind him. When I turned, he was there, gave me a peck on the lips, backed away, and looked at me.

“I miss you,” he said with a grin.

“I miss you too,” I said. But it was not with the happiness he gave.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, stepping towards me.

“Nothing, just a lot on my mind with the writers for the movie,” I lied.

He looked at me with anger.  He knew I was lying. I had also brought up a topic I had been avoiding with him. The movie. I did not want to argue. I was tired of arguing. That was all we did nowadays. I stepped back, deciding that this was too much for me to do, but he grabbed me. He did not want me to go. Moreover, I needed to end this. I gave him a look of assurance I would stay. I looked over at the view. The eighty-story view was nothing short of amazing.

            “I want in on the script for your movie,” he said.

            “No,” I said.

            “What, why?” He was shocked I said no. “I know that story better than anyone and I understand the dynamic of the characters. I could assure that everything that script needs will make your readers proud of the production.”

            “I know,” I said. I looked down at my feet. “I do not want to be around you anymore. I cannot do this.”

            “This?” he said. “You can’t just stop�"I can’t�"

            “Stop what?” I said, now angry. “We do not have anything but stolen moments, with your raging testosterone about wanting me and me stopping you because I know how much that would hurt Sarah and so do you. You love her�"

            “I love you too,” he said, he shouted.

            “I know, but d****t…” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I am waiting for. The shoe to drop or the ledge to give in because I feel if we keep this up, we will end up falling. But I do not want you around! This is too difficult as it is.”

            “You love me,” Tate said.

            “I know.”

            “Say it.”

            I looked away.

            “Say it,” he repeated stepping closer.

            I looked at him. I felt my heart racing as it always did with him.

            “Say,” he took another step closer, “it,” and another.” He was just centimeters from my face now.

            “Say it,” he said putting his hand on my waist.

            I breathe deeply and looked away and said, “I love you.”

            “I know.” I could hear the smile in his voice. He kissed my forehead and at that point, I pushed him away.

            “Don’t,” I said.

            “What? It isn’t like I have never kissed you.”

            I turned away, and took in the view and the breeze. Then I said, “I am seeing someone.”

            I heard his foot shuffle. He was angry again.

            “Who?”

            “Does it matter?” I turned and asked him.

            “Yes, it f*****g does,” he hissed.

            “Well, you may know him, since you have worked on some of his lines,” I said angry. “Goodnight, Tate.”

            I took to leave, but he grabbed my arm. “Cut it off.”

            “Let me go,” I said looking at him.

            He released me and I left. Inside, I found myself back to the after-party gathering and there was Dana and Josh, arguing in a corner. It looked much too heated for the crowd. I moved towards them quickly and ran into my cousin.

            “Niyah,” I said. She preferred to be called by her writer name in public. “Congrats on your award�"I

            “I know. Those two are going to cause this building to go down if you do not get to them. I will see you tomorrow.”

            “Goodnight,” I said and hurried.

            “D****t Josh!” said Dana. “I cannot keep doing this with you! I won’t.”

            “You know, what Dana, I try and try and I cannot make you�"

            I grabbed them both and pulled them down the hall into a suite room. They were unaware that I had even touched them as I closed the door behind us.

            “Guys�"

            “…my a*s! You do not have me over for holidays with your family as I have you over with mine. Why is that�"

            “You  have met my parents and sister and cousins!”

            “Once, in our fourth year of college! After I had rode you dick for three years! Swallowed your--

            “YOU ARE RIDICULOUS!”

            “Ridiculous? Is it because I am black�"

            “Of course not. My parents�"

            “Love me,” she cut across. “I know that’s what you always say. I just can’t seem to see it as they do not reach out to me as my parents reach out to you. Hey, I know racial tension was high when we met, but d****t it is the 2020s baby!”

            “I can’t do this,” Josh said simply. “I love you, I �"

            “Save it Josh. You’re the backwash trash I always knew you were. I just upgraded you from a trailer home to lofts.”

            I was shocked at what had just been said. Josh looked hurt. I saw the tears in his eyes, and Dana had gotten what she wanted. A real feeling out of him in public. He had been open with her around Liz and I seldom, but beyond that, he and Dana seemed more like friends than lovers.

            The suite door opened and in came a lady and gentleman from the gathering.

            “Oh my gosh,” the lady said. She released the trail of her gown and said, “You are E.J. Ryans!”

            “Yeah,” I said. The lady hurried to a nearby bookshelf where she found a copy of my book and said, “Please sign my copy! I love it!”

            I quickly signed the book. The gentleman grabbed the lady by the arm and said, “I think they need a moment�"

“We are leaving,” said Dana. She took exit and left Josh and I standing there.
I turned to Josh. The tears slipped from his eyes and I grabbed his hand. He

looked at me. “She didn’t mean it. She is hurt. You broke her heart. So she hurt your feelings.” I knew I sounded sincere. I was hurting too and I felt the way he felt. Broken and lost. I put my arm around his shoulder and handed him my handkerchief. He wiped his face.

            “Do you need a drink?” the woman asked.

            Josh hadn’t noticed the couple still standing in the suite we had barged into. The man did not need to wait for a reply. He had poured four glasses of scotch and handed them out. We all sat and drank in silence. I did not know if he wanted to get us drunk, but the full glass of scotch could do the trick.

            “I love her. I just�"my family doesn’t like it…us,” Josh said.

            I didn’t know how to reply. The lady saw this and said, “Honey, she is a phenomenal woman, Dana, and if it’s her skin color your family doesn’t like, then maybe you should build a new family. Family isn’t the people who birth you, but the people who support, love, and cherish you as a human-being. Think about that and tell her how you feel. But right now you both need time.”

            I smiled at her in gratitude. “We should go.”

            “Yeah,” said Josh. “Thank you�"

            “Melinda and Warren,” the man said.

            “Thank you Melinda and Warren.” We all shook hands. Josh and I took leave. Outside the crowded was still full. I looked at my phone. It had been half an hour. I took to follow Josh, but he stopped me.

            “Stay,” he said. “This is your night.”
            “I do not think I need to be here right now,” I said.

            Josh gave me a looked and asked, “What happened?”

            “It pails in comparison to what you are going through at the moment,” I said. “Later.”

            “Evan�"

            “Please, I don’t want to talk about it.”

            “Of course you don’t,” he said. “Always so secretive with your lover.”

            “He isn’t my lover anymore,” I said. “I’m moving on.”

            I lead the way out. In the lobby, I had the valet called for our limo, but Dana had left in it. I called an uber.

            “Taking your ride for a spin I see,” Josh said.

            “You two have got to stop this,” I said. “You guys are in love and have been for a long time and d****t, it can work. You all just have to let it.”

            Josh nodded. The uber arrived and we hopped in.

            I guess everyone’s love life was falling apart. I just needed a break from everything. I needed to be alone. I needed to write. The third book release was less than two months away and my promotion run was about to start. I needed to focus on my career. I opened my calendar and saw that I had three meetings in two days: One with my publisher, another with my marketing team, and another with a publisher who wanted to pick up the last book in the series.

I wanted to stay with my publishing house, but with the way things were going, they were reaping more of the benefits than I was from all the hard work I had put into the first two books alone. With all the editing, illustration and creativity ideas coming from me, they were left to allow people to execute my plans. I was still managing the entire operation, which they felt I should not be compensated for since I wanted to control my career.

            I had dreamed of being a major writer. I had dreamed of it since I was a teenager. I wanted to wow people with stories of loves, different worlds and lives that readers could get lost in; the goal was never to get rich. I checked my email. I had a notification from Hensey. I had sent over some lyrics to her to read months ago and she was only just getting back to me. I had not worked up a publishing deal with her label, but Hensey was a big shot and had reached out to over a year ago and asked if I would be interested in using my words for her voice.

 

Hi Evan,

I know it has taken me ages to get back with you, but I have an upcoming tour that will be announced in about a week and it includes an artists you are familiar with, Sarah. (Keep that to yourself). I think that you have a natural talent to write and I want to use two of your lyrics on my project. I have already started stringing a melody  together and would love for you to meet me within the week. I know your book promotion starts soon, so I had my people send your people a calendar. I was hoping for Thursday. I see you will be in the city for that time. I hope to see you then.

 

Hensey

 

I must have dreamed up she said Sarah was going on tour with her because I did not expect that. I replied I could meet at the time she suggested and added it to my calendar. I also opened the lyrics I had sent her and read them again.

 

You better pour me a drink

Cause it is the only thing that’s gone keep me down

I think you know you did to me

I think you know

 

How you hurt me so bad

Making me feel like I’m mad

Daydreaming that I make this up

I can taste your lover’s love on my lips

Feel how you f**k them when you grab my hips

I’m not going insane

 

This all aint in my brain so

 

Can we (can we)

Be real for a moment

(Be real for a moment,)

Can we, be real

Before we end up with a…

 

You better pour yourself a drink

So you can hear what I have to say

I think you’ve gone way astray

Missing like a dog into the day

 

I know that this hurts you so bad

Making you feel like really mad

Daydreaming how we could end

Figuring out where to begin

But boy this end is near

so can be real

 

 

Can we

 

(can we)

Be real for a moment

(Be real for a moment,)

Can we, be real

Before we end up with a

 

 

 

 

The song was definitely something I could relate to, but it was written from the perspective of someone finding out his or her lover was cheating. I had written it from the perspective of Sarah. I just did not have the nerves to present it to her out of guilt. I knew she would be devastated. She was expected Tate to propose soon. I was expecting him to do the same.

I did not want to read the next lyric because it was more from my perspective, but Hensey loved it. I would just have to meet and see what she wanted to do with the pieces and how the arrangement was going to go.  I opened my social media and posted the picture from the beginning of the night of me standing just outside the garden entrance. I did no caption. The notifications started immediately. I instantly turned them off, but kept the app open to read what fans were saying. I looked at Josh.

“You want to take a picture?”

He smiled. “I’m going to grace your social media.”

“You are the only good friend who hasn’t. Plus you and Dana were my dates tonight.”

Josh moved over and we took a selfie. “I love the e360. It makes life amazing.”

“That’s true,” I said. The e360 made using your phone like walking around the world with no oceans. Every part of it was alive. I posted the picture and tagged Josh and said, captioned, ‘late night uber rides with the bestie.’

I opened my calendar once more and realized I needed to meet with Dana tomorrow for my fittings for all the interviews. I had picked a simple wardrobe and Dana had agreed with me. I loved her as my Publicist and Advertisement Manager. I sent her a text.

            See you in the morning at 10? �" Me.

            Of course. �" Dana.

            You ok? �" Me.

            I will be. I just love him and I want him to understand. I just do not want to be his side lover. I want to be with him. �" Dana

            He knows that and I think he is going to work on it really hard. So when he comes to you be open. Remember this is unchartered territory for the both of you and it is as  hard for him as it is for you. He could be giving up a lot.  I mean his family. �" Me

                        You’re right. Goodnight. Do not stay up too late. We also need to mock interview and go over the questions you will be discussing with radio interviewers. Also I think you should call your attorney. Your publishing contract is up in less than a year and aren’t you done with the last book already? �" Dana

                        Yes I am done with the last book, but I do not want to start shopping it yet. I just want this book release to go smoothly. I don’t need my lawyer shopping for contracts for either unless I am present. �" Me

                        Too late. I gave her the go ahead. My career is on the line here too. I think you can win from having other options. Maybe you can stay where you are. I mean you do have two other books that only you and I know about. You could shop those as under a different name, keep this image intact. �" Dana.

                        Goodnight Dana J and thanks for giving the go ahead. I will see you in the morning. �" Me.

 

            We arrived at our hotel. We had decided to stay out of the inner city to better accommodate the designers coming to see us. We made our way upstairs and when we got to our rooms Josh said, “Can I stay with you tonight?”

            “Yeah,” I said. “Melinda says she needs time. Plus I don’t want to hear you all screwing all night, no matter how good it sounds.”

            He grinned. We went into the room. I showered and when I came out Josh was asleep on the couch. I grabbed a spare blanket and covered him. I also put some pillows under his head. I crawled into bed and fell asleep nearly instantaneously. I had ended it.

            I closed my eyes and when they opened, the sun was coming up. I saw Josh was still asleep and I dressed and left. I found a taxi and hopped in, instructing him to take me to Bagels and Eggs Café. When we arrived, I paid and went inside. I found Niyah sitting in a booth.

            “Hi,” I said.

            “Cousin,” she said. “I ordered you a hazelnut coffee.”

            “Thanks,” I said. “My fave.”

            “ You ok?” she asked.

            “Yeah,” I said. I felt a weight off my chest after last night. “I’m good.”

            “What about your friends?”

            “They will be better. Believe me.”

            “So, the book I wanted to talk with you about is for the upcoming series I am writing. I want you to write a book along side it in the same world,” she handed me a portfolio and I opened saw a lot of typed notes.

            “This is all the limitations of the world?”

            “Yes,” she said. “We can kill this series together, and also announce that we are related. Pull our fan bases together with a series that is targeted at your now original readers who will be in my target audience.”

            “I like the idea,” I said. “I am in. But aren’t you currently on the bestseller list and doing a radio and reading tour?”

            “Yes, but I am planning this release eight months after your final installment. Until then I will tour, screen write, and do some short stories.”

The waiter delivered our coffee and took our orders. She sipped the coffee and smacked her lips, “We definitely have untapped potential. Also I heard you are ghost writing.”

I rolled my eyes. “Do you know Hensey?”

“Yes, I know Hensey,” said Niyah, with a neck roll. “Said you sent her some good stuff too. Do I want to know what it’s about?”

“No,” I said. “You are married, well off, and out of the drama. I would keep it that way because those three things do not happen often.” I sipped my coffee. We continued to speak about the series we were going to produce and when our food arrived, we ate and spoke about family and the reunion in fourteen months that we were planning.  Afterwards, we said goodbye and Niyah got into a taxi she had waiting for her while she met with me. She was off to Jersey for a TV interview. I flagged a taxi and got in. I told them to take me to my publishers. 

Author's Note

Be honest. I am writing in a genre i have no experience in.