Choices

A young boy deals with the choices made by his parents and decides to act on in it uniquely.

There was a thin layer of snow covering the ground when I woke up. It was in the negatives outside and school was cancelled because of the freezing temperatures. I had nothing else to do but pace my room a couple times and think about the letter I wrote last night. I wrote this letter in response to the one I had received the previous morning. My mother always told me if I wanted to get my point across to someone, write a letter. She always said that when you write a letter you say exactly what you mean to say. You have to write it down, you can't just react to what was said to you. Because of that it's also more intimate. With this theory the best way to hear something would be to receive it in a letter as well. You would have time to think about the information given to you. You would be able to read it over and over again until you understood as well. Unfortunately, the letter that was placed on my night stand the previous morning was not one I would like to read again or ever think about. I wanted to cry, scream, and fall apart all at once.
Dear Caleb,
I would not have thought in a million of years that I would be saying what I am saying to you right now. Before anything I want you to remember that you are a gift that God gave to me. You are special from the moment I met you, I knew that much. I want to give you the world, and I found I out I can no longer do that. Fifteen years ago I married someone who is not the same person they are today. I am also not the same person I was fifteen years ago. We all grow. Unfortunately, I grew apart from that person I married. I was proud of who I was and the family I had built until last night. Your father told me he was living a mundane life that was separate from mine and he needed to find himself again. I have failed you, I had failed him, and I have failed your brother and sister. This family was the only thing I lived for and now it's all gone. It's my fault. Every Tuesday your father goes to the clover for drinks with his friends. It was his escape. I thought it was normal and he needed his own time. He had been doing this for ages, so I never thought it was a problem. For the past two months that he has been going he had been talking about his problems to this woman. Camryn is her name. She had been having the same problems in her marriage that your father and I had been having. They found refuge in each other's pain and suffering. Whatever it is that your father was feeling doesn't justify his actions. I am hurting because I have failed him. I am hurting because I couldn't help him. I'm sorry to have to tell you this. Use this as a lesson Caleb, when you love someone, actually love them, believe in that person. No matter what could happen between you and the person still have faith that everything will work out and don't put yourself in situations to be a coward and leave everything you had worked so hard to build. Be stronger than that. When something gets tough, stand up and fight for it. Be better than your father and I. Learn from our mistakes. I love you very much, you are so special.
Love, Mom.
I was frozen for about an hour before any real emotion could show itself on paper, I felt betrayed. I was hurting for my mother and myself. It's been a week since my dad has been gone now. My mom told my brother and sister my dad was out on business. They believed her. I was the only one that really had known what happened. My mom had told me that my dad was picking up all of us today. He was going to take us out for lunch. I wondered if he was going to tell us what really happened. I read through my letter one last time before I was going to give it to him.
Dear Dad,
mun·dane
ˌmənˈdān/
adjective
1.
lacking interest or excitement; dull.
"seeking a way out of his mundane, humdrum existence"
synonyms: humdrum, dull, boring, tedious, monotonous, tiresome, wearisome, unexciting, uninteresting, uninvolving, uneventful, unvarying, unremarkable, repetitive, repetitious, routine, ordinary, everyday, day-to-day, run-of-the-mill, commonplace, workaday...
that's what you find when you google mundane. Wasn't that the adjective you used to describe life here? The sentence using the word mundane is kind of comical isn't it? "seeking a way out of his mundane, humdrum existence." I laughed when I saw that. The way you tried to seek a way out was through some thirty-something year old's p***y, right? or did you wait to screw her until after you told mom you wanted out on your dull life with us? You can't just say you left her either. You left all of us. Where have you been? I'm not just meaning the past few days where you have not physically been here, but the past few months where you haven't been you? Do you think I'm that stupid? I knew something was wrong with you. You honestly think this is the solution though? You think moving onto someone else is going to solve all of your problems? Eventually your new life is going to get mundane? You're not even going to have the excitement of moving onto someone else in secret because you've even done that before. You won't win. I have no words for the pain you have caused me. It takes everything inside of me not to explain to my brother and sister what kind of monster you have become. Why did you have to become some coward? What did I do to make you leave? I was a part of your life here. What did I do to make your life so tiresome. I'm sorry I'm not the manliest of men. I'm sorry I couldn't make you realize that this family is worth fighting for, I truly am. I also apologize for the good bye I have to say to you. I cannot go on being in your life knowing that you left because of the reasons you gave mom. I cannot go on being in your life if you can leave someone you had shared vows with because of the reasons you gave her. That was complete and utter bullshit. I want you to know I see right through you. I want you to know I no longer have any respect for you, because you are a coward. Just like you gave up on us, I have to give up on you now too.
from,
Caleb
After going over it that last time I became unsure of what I had written. Did it make me a coward for letting go? I was just trying to prove a point. I wanted my father to know what he had done. I wanted him to know I knew and I did not approve. I wanted him to know what mattered least to me at that point in my life was him and his happiness. I also wanted him to know that his newfound love and glory was bullshit. I wanted him to know I knew he wasn't truly happy. How could he be happy? I don't understand it.
The snow was coming down hard when I saw the headlights of my fathers SUV come into the driveway. My heart was racing. I didn't know if I even wanted to go out to lunch with my him. I also wanted my siblings to feel okay, they would know something was wrong if I didn't go with them. My dad would give me some bullshit excuse on why he was leaving his life with us behind, or maybe he would be honest with us and just not call it infidelity. The probability of that happening was slim though. The horn beeped twice. My dad was ready. When my dad was ready everyone had better be ready to leave as well. His patience wasn't his best trait. I put on my winter coat ready to embrace the cold of outside and the coldness of the face of guilt on my father, because most likely my father knew I had known what has been going on with him and my mother. Then he would blame any built up aggression I had towards him on my mom because he wanted at least one chance to shove his lies down my throat before I came to my own conclusion. I couldn't let my frustration show for the sake of my brother and sister. I had to pretend my dad just got back from a business trip and everything was normal. If my dad taught me one thing it was how to hide my true emotions.
I couldn't think straight. My coffee was burning my throat because I was drinking it too fast because I was too nervous to actually say anything. I ordered a pigs in a blanket with extra hash browns. My brother and I played tick-tack-toe. I avoided looking at my father as much as possible. My siblings asked him about his trip and he said it was okay. Then he looked at us like he was about to cry, "I'm not going to be staying at home with you guys anymore."
My brother put his crayon down, "What do you mean daddy?"
Putting down his coffee, "I haven't been myself lately. I need to go out and figure out who I am. Your mother knows already. She thinks she needs time to herself too."
My sister with a little tremble in her voice asked, "Are you going away forever?"
"Of course not honey." My dad cleared his plate, "You're being awfully quiet about this Caleb."
Deep down I wanted my father to find happiness. I didn't actually believe at that point in time that he was happy though. He was about to cry, "What do you think about this?"
Well that was a loaded question. What did I think of the situation? About your adultery? Confused. Hurt. Betrayed. Faith breaking. Anxious. Those and about five thousand other adjectives is what I thought and how I felt at that moment when I received a letter from my mother telling me her marriage was ending, and all of those feelings came back at that moment, there at the diner in the smoke filled room with the burnt toast, black coffee, and uneasy stomach. "I just don't know what to say." I lied. I had said everything I needed to say in the letter I wrote. It wasn't time yet. My dad ended up dropping us off at home after. My mom didn't any questions. My brother and sister ran upstairs to their room to either watch some crappy family sitcom on TV or play video games. I exchanged a look with my mom and tears started running down both of our faces.
"I can't believe him, I really can't. You know he had the nerve to tell us that he wanted to find himself again, and that you wanted to find yourself again too and that you needed time. I'm so sorry he did this to you.
My mom interrupted, "No, he did this to us, I'm sorry too Caleb."
"I can't let him do this to us, I'm not just going to sit back and let this happen. I don't want to see him again, not when he's doing this bullshit."
In a motherly way my mom wiped my tears and then wiped hers, "Watch your mouth."
I giggled, "Sorry."
I added to my letter when I finally went upstairs:
P.S.
I want you to know that you made a choice. You made choice to leave us and start another life without us. I am not going to allow this to happen. I'm not going to enable this. In life the decisions you make have consequences and it's pretty sad that you don't see the consequences in this one you're making. As long as you're seeing that woman, I will not be apart of your life. You're just going to change your address, your problems will follow you. And I guess this is where it ends.
I made out an envelope with his new address and put a stamp on it. It was hard letting go. As angry as I was my father I didn't want to just give up like he did. I also wanted to be there for my mom. So I put the letter in the mail box and made a choice to live differently than my parents.

Reviews

[Steve]

Hi Zackery,

I am new here on Writer's Cafe, as I see you are. I think that your story and the character are very compelling. I randomly chose your story to read, but once I did, I was immediately
drawn in.

I think that the story has strengths, such as the narrative structure (i.e. the framing and juxtaposition of the main body to the letter sections), the introduction and set up of the characters and context (very sharp and quick), the voice and finally, the language itself.

I can give a bit more depth to my comments if you'd like. But overall, it is a good story and has a lot good things going on.

As for weaknesses, there are a few minor things that I believe would be easily fixed. I can point out a couple here for you.

I believe that the character is not fully developed. I think that he made a choice (as his father did) and he settled into it, settled into his belief and conviction. However, it seems to me that the character has some soul searching to do. He needs to come full circle. Or at least blast off into space. Oddly enough, the character himself has already given that advice. He says, "You have to write it down, you can't just react to what was said to you." But in the end, even though he is writing it down, he is still reacting. He can retain his principles of loyalty, fidelity and justice. But he also must put himself in his father's shoes. Caleb is just a boy, not yet a man, not yet mature. I think that the day he becomes a man (and therefore comes full circle) is the day that he says something like, "I think I was too hard on my father. I think I understand him now."

All that said, I want to emphasize that the story's strengths outweigh its weaknesses and that I enjoyed it. Thank you for posting it.

This is my second review on Writer's Cafe. Please let me know what you think or if you want more feedback. There were a few typos and other small spelling errors from what I remember, nothing serious.

Best,
Steve

[Hunter Rose]

wow! I thought this was very well written. Kinda reminds of what happened to me as a child. Continue on writing- it's all worth readying! :)