Ode to a Bee

The messenger of Spring...

Swift bee, the gilded messenger of bliss,

    Begirt with golden stars of Heaven’s span,

What draws you to the clover’s gentle kiss?

    Sweet nectars, that the strongest drinker can

    Carouse with dreams and dizzy waves of sleep,

        Or mocks the freshest breath of summer’s clime?

            Swift bee, a flame-plumed star of black and gold,

    Why do you with your mouth, completely reap

            The liquors that each golden bud does hold,

        And lulls with somnolence the might of time?

 

Oh, bee, you spread the tufted pollen clouds

     Like nebulae of opal stars crossways

The delicate, soft digitalis crowds,

    Which passionately garner sunbeam rays

    Within their coral shells. I can’t express

        How much your toil’s worth to coming spring,

             And how so passioned glide your wings around

    The purple, gentle harebell’s loosened dress,

             And make, through pretty hums, spring’s hopeful sound

        Oft too profaned by your most fearsome sting!

 

Oh, pretty hummer! Hearty worker! Bee!

    I see you roaming round the garden’s bend,

Where sweet, white daisies wreathe a canopy,

    And make you but a hearty, cheerful friend.

    Swift bee, the aching, swollen heart of mine

        Desires comfort where pain knows no ruth

            The buds hold, like rich garners golden grain,

    Ambrosia of the gods, dream’s honeyed wine

            So bring and let dear bee, such moisture stain

        My lips and warm my heart with spring’s bright youth!

 

Author's Note

Anything I can improve upon?

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

When you say your work is influenced by the Romantics, you're not kidding around are you? The structure and language certainly are a tip of the hat to the movement. You're embracing very stylized formal conventions here, and you've done that admirably and then some here. I would offer some suggestions:

-- There's certianly value in using a wide variety of vocabulary, but I'm not sure using archaic terms ("ruth", "digitalis" as it used here) doesn't simply act to distance you from your reader. There's nothing wrong with making a reader work a little, but using terms that aren't in common parlance anywhere might be going over the line a bit.

--The rhythm and the number of feet in each line isn't particularly consistent. If you're looking to emulate their style, it's good to remember that Keats, Byron, Shelley et al were fiends about sticking to iambic pentameter.

--Likewise, don't use devices that unnecessarily break up the pacing. In the first line of the final stanza, you've got three distinct stops, and that's at least one too many.

All that said, these are relatively minor and mostly cosmetic issues. This is really quite impressive work, especially given the formal challenges you've chosen to surmount.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you for the very kind, constructive review. As far as I know, digitalis and ruth aren't archaic words. Also, what do you mean by the inconsistency of my meter? Is it due to the fact that some lines have a few more extra syllables or is it that I don't explicitly follow the stressed and unstressed rule? If it's the stressed and unstressed that's the problem, I don't make much a big deal about it, so long as the poem flows. I would appreciate it if your could offer some examples from the poem. And yes, I kind of now agree with the breaking of the pacing. It sounds a bit harsh. Anyhow, thank you very much for the kind and constructive review, and for stopping by. :)

[Adam Whitworth]

reminds me Keats, some good work here, well done.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[A. Amos]

I adore the subjests you select to share wisdom of your words, make minute things look huge that is your magic my friend..another epic write

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[Sami Khalil]

A great ode to a bee. They are hearty workers, making the healing honey even if they sting, they hum with the melody of nature enjoying the sun along with the laughter of the season. They are beautiful and can teach us alot...A wonderful write...:)..................

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)..................