Hypnos

The Greek god of sleep

 

Oh Hypnos lord of all the lands of dream,

    Whose slumb’rous breath weaves eyes with poppy leaf,

    And whose sweet lullabies mortals relieve

Of throes, and shields them from the evil scheme

    Of Phobetor who roams around the world at close of eve,

 

Oh Hypnos, phantom o’er each mossy cot,

    Whose gentle, dreamy hands all place to rest

    The cooing birds found snoozing in their nest

And all the goats upon the meads where not

    A pallid moonbeam can descry, for all’s by night suppressed,

 

Or mortal denizens in cities, pent

    Or gleaming fish found in the ocean’s deep,

    Or cattle, waiting in the glens for sleep

To dawn upon their minds, and their souls send

    Into Elysium until the morn shall night’s shoots reap,

 

And plant its gloried beams into the bare

    And fill the lands with nec’trous, honeyed rays,

    Come on us, god of sleep, unearthly grace

From out the shadows of your mystic lair,

    And spread across our waking minds your thick, morphean haze.

 

How much I’ve agonized and yearned to gain

    The lavender and eat such dozy bud,

    And try to fall asleep, and ever nod

As I get lost and stray in dream’s domain,

    But never have I had success for slumber I could not!

 

I roamed across the clouds of yester night

    And round the meadows of the yesteryear,

    But never can I my bright spirit steer

Into such sleep, and take upon my flight

    Into deep slumber’s den, until, Hypnos you did appear,

 

And eased my mind and soul, and with your spells

    Had quelled the raging passions of my heart,

    And carefully had closed the draws to part,

Once you had done your deed and slowed the swells

    Of my free spirit, and had my sore mind with slumbers barred…

     

Author's Note

Does this poem sound a bit forced?
Plus, are there any grammatical errors?
Thank you.

Reviews

[Brittany Zedalis]

This is epic. I love it. ^-^

[Raymond Federle]

Awesome write. I enjoyed this! :)

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[Tam Warink]

An insomniac's delirium ... I just about coughed up a lung with these: snoozing, get lost. They're so out of character for the otherwise century old stylistic framing of that trickling brook of verbiage. I wonder if Shelly would've offered another round before the fireside chat that leaves the wine glass empty and the embers cold?

100 nasturtium crematoriums

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[MsJewel]

A beautiful, beautiful poem needing no editing for me. It is perfect the way it is and something I can definitely relate to. I wonder if you know just how spectacular your poetry really is... Your talent never ceases to amaze me.

:) Julie

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[Joyce S. Greene]

I'm a bit beat to provide much technical assistance, Gleb, but your poem was very well written and your theme, one close to my heart since I often have great difficulty staying asleep. A real bummer when the clock goes off at 5 AM. (I'm off to bed now, Gleb, lol, your poem must have done the trick! I'll be back tomorrow to respond to your other reviews and read you poetry.) Have a very good night's sleep.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

You too. Thank you.

[Hypnos]

Thank you very much my friend for this wonderful poem. It is very well done as well and Thank you for the tribute.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

No problem. Thank you.

[Pryde Foltz]

And eased my mind and soul, and with your spells
Had quelled the raging passions of my heart,
And carefully had closed the draws to part,
Once you had done your deed and slowed the swells
Of my free spirit, and had my sore mind with slumbers barred…

I don't think it sounds forced at all … perhaps, a bit on the long side as it is a lullaby of sorts. But each stanza is beautiful; and so, I do not know what you would cut.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Baby Ricochet]

I get prescription sleep meds (Xanax and Restoril) from Hypnos in the form of an MD at the VA so I'm out all night most of the time. Good poem

[Gleb Zavlanov]

:D. Thanks for the laugh.

[Ahena MK]

Did not find any grammar errors ... Good read ...

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[Rita L. Sev]

A classical piece; no grammar errors that I could tell.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.