Stranded By the Moon

The moon's light is a comforting thing

The moon, a silver sphere looms o’er the trees

The snow whips round in a gentle ballet

The forest floor lain on with a white fleece

I have nowhere to go, nowhere to stay

 

The moon’s quivering light dances across

The snow, a sea of white, to me the moon

Is my only hope in this time of loss

When all seems lost and wilted is my swoon

 

Despite my stranded and my weary woe

It still seems reassuring, its warm light

So I’ll just stay, admiring its glow

That plays against the gentle shade of night

 

Perhaps I’ll wane, perhaps I will wither

Perhaps tis my ill-fated, dreary end

But tis good a thought that the moon’s glitter

Will be my very last, kindhearted friend

 

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

I love the moon. There was a beautiful one that hung in the black sky last night and I had trouble taking my eyes off of it. Your tribute to this little satellite of ours is beautiful and comforting:

Despite my stranded and my weary woe
It still seems reassuring, its warm light
So I’ll just stay, admiring its glow
That plays against the gentle shade of night

I love moonlight in all its shadowy glory.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Nighttime is truly glorious and I am delighted to hear that you enjoyed this. Thank you.

[Tom]

The moon is a source of wonderment that has an almost celestial attraction for mankind, as he gazes in awe at its ever luminous presence !

A terrific eulogy that has a real ethereal quality throughout !

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Kenaz]

The moon is not your last friend. With poetry like this you are bound to have plenty on here. You have a great skill for this art, although I shall try to find a more optimistic piece of yours

[Gleb Zavlanov]

A few optimistic poems are around the 3rd to 4th page. And thank you for your kind words.

[Relic]

This is a fine poem with lots of images of an ideal setting though sadness predominates. The speaker is caught in the parallel worlds of sadness and wonder at the same time while in his struggle to get through his circumstances. There is an almost Utopian-like quality to the setting you portray and the words you use to ornament each stanza so kudos for that. Well done and I like the revisions that were offered by Linda.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Stanza 1:

"The moon, a silver sphere looms o’er the trees
The snow whips round in gentle a ballet
The forest floor lain on with white a fleece
I have nowhere to go, nowhere to stay"

Line 2: "in gentle a ballet" - gentle is an adjective describing ballet and should therefore be written: "in a gentle ballet"

Line 3: "with white a fleece" - white is an adjective describing fleece and should therefore be written: "with a white fleece."

Stzanza 2, Line 4:

"When all seems lost and wilted has my swoon" - The way that this is written, "wilted" is a noun, which is inappropriate, since wilted is a verb. Therefore, it cannot have your swoon.

Stanza 4, Line 4: "kindhearted" should be "kind-hearted"

This reminds me of an old saying, "The barn has burned down. Now, I can see the stars."

Sometimes, life can be tragic; but if we look in the right places, we can find positivity. If stranded in the mid of night, I would definitely want to be stranded by the light of the moon.

Overall, this is another well-written poem.

Good job!

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Thank you for the very honest review. I agree with all of this except for the one with stanza 2, line 4. "Wilted has my swoon," is the inversion of "My swoon has wilted." Swoon has many meanings, but in this case, it is a rapture of happiness.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

The problem is not with the word swoon. It's with the word wilted. Since it's a verb, it cannot have anything. It is an action, not a noun. You could possibly say "wilted is my swoon," which would grammatically be correct, but still doesn't make very much sense to me. If you invert the sentence to my swoon has wilted, I don't even think that works, since a swoon, by its very nature, implies pretty much the same. It's your poem and you can leave it as it, I still say that it's inappropriate, awkward, and detracts from the beauty of the rest of the poem.