Hurt Me Sweetly

Prologue

Happy. I have never been happy, in fact I don't even know what happiness is or how it feels. In fact all I've ever been is transparent and it’s no surprise. Hell honestly if I weren’t me I would ignore me too, though lately something strange happened that I can’t really put into words clear enough to make any kind of sense if I tried, which I won’t.

Cause that’s too much work!!

Anyways, yeah something strange happened to me, and everything is so clear, inviting and open to me now and when I say everything i’m not exaggerating. Everything is open or opening for me if you catch my drift. It’s so crazy the way it started and if I tell you you’d probably low-key sign me up for therapy but here it is.

How it all started……..

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“Dad” my father turned around to look at me smiling brightly “can we stop at the zoo” his smile dropped a little and I knew he was going to say no, but I really wanted to see the animals.

“Look, kiddo maybe we could come to the zoo tomorrow” he said never looking away from me which I was glad for because I was going to pull the oldest trick in the book. Giving my dad the puppy face always worked and it still does it seems, sighing he shook his head grinning “Fine we can go today, alright.”

I was so happy my smile was never ending and infectious it seemed as daddy was now smiling my smile. “Thank You!! Thank You!! Thank You!! You're the best dad.” he was and I meant it.

After a while we pulled up in front of the zoo, and oh god I couldn’t wait to see all the animals especially the tigers.

“Oh god” gasping I jump out of my sleep the tigers why did it have to be the tigers. Sitting up I grip my head in my hands the nightmares they just won’t go away. I glance at the alarm clock on the cardboard box they call a stand it was 7:10, f**k! I’m late and I didn’t make breakfast. Jumping out of bed I quickly throw on some random clothes and my black chucks before rushing down stairs. Running into the kitchen I quickly heat up some microwavable pancakes before throwing some sausage into a frying pan, at this rate I was desperate knowing that i wasn’t gonna have breakfast ready in time and moving too quickly to realize that my time was up I was too late.

While reaching to open the microwave I luckily caught a glance of something behind me but I didn’t dare turn around I didn’t have to as the blow two my rib cage was enough to make my body react on it’s own, I had swiveled around grasping my side as gasps of pain escaped my mouth “Where the hell is our breakfast?” that old rasped voice that I hated with a passion asked as his tramp nodded along I really didn’t like any of them they are just so irrevocably malicious.

Pushing myself up off the wall wincing “I was making it just now” I was prepared for a beat down and closed my eyes but when no hits came I peek through my eyes a little and they're both just standing there.  

It was kind of awkward with them staring at me, hell it was so god damn unsettling “ And you didn’t have it done because?” I was hella shocked that they were actually speaking directly to me and letting me explain maybe….. Maybe they’re having a mental breakdown which is causing them to be nice for once in their lives to me.

God is finally on my side “Well I accidentally overslept an--” next thing I knew I was airborne. Holy Hell I was f*****g flying!!! But reality came crashing down along with me to the ground and i’d be lying if I say it didn’t hurt, yeah I like fantasy better. I layed there and just took every painful hit I deserved them and so much more pain than what I was given now.

I never really worry about how I look, cause others don’t care. I cry out for help silently so others won’t hear. I see everything others don’t see when they look. I smell addictions that others can’t breathe. I feel nothing, no pain but deserve to feel everything.

Maybe that’s why no one tries to help

Pain is my remedy. My only way at redemption.