Short (hopefully) funny and (definitely) silly stories of sorts

Just dialogues and the like I come up with from time to time, just for a bit of a laugh

“Hey get back here! I know where you live!”

“Yes, I’m painfully aware of that fact, since where I live just so happens to be where you live as well.”

“Do remind me why we live together again?”

“I’m lonely and you like to “borrow” my money. It’s symbiotic, unhealthy and it works. Do we need any other reason?”

“Perhaps actually enjoying each other’s company would help?”

“Well you are kind of somewhat sort of tolerable to a certain degree. Kind of.”

“Cheers, bro.”

“Cheers. Now let’s go home, I wanna eat that lasagna.”

“O-oh, was I not supposed to eat that then?”

“That’s it, I’m moving out.”

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“Hi there. Are you friends with the bride or the groom?”

“That depends. Who’s getting married?”

“Uh, pardon? This is Mike and Jenny’s wedding, shouldn’t you know that if you’re here?”

“Ah right, those two. Yeah I know ‘em. Never really liked them, to be quite honest. The way Mike chews when he eats pisses me off, and Jenny… not going to lie, she scares the hell out of me.”

“Good heavens, what on Earth are you doing at their wedding then?”

“Good question. Good question, indeed. All I know is I woke up in a closet nearby and smelled delicious food so I was like “Don’t mind if I do” and so now here I am, eating this oddly delightful but rather disgusting-looking concoction.”

“My, you should consider yourself lucky I was the one who found you.”

“Oh? How so?”

“Well, I have no intentions of getting you kicked out, and I’m even willing to share my wisdom and give you some advice. Next time you crash someone’s wedding you might want to gather information beforehand, so you can at least pretend to be their acquaintance if someone asks.”

“I appreciate the tip but uh, I mean, what the-?”

“I’m a wedding crasher myself, you see.”

Some other guy: “Oh you guys are wedding crashers too? Cool!”

“Wow this place has crappy security.”

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“Good morning, how are you feeling?”

“Hello doctor, I’m feeling much better than yesterday, thank you. Sorry, I don’t think I’ve seen you here before, where’s Dr. Silberman?”

“Dr. Silberman had some urgent matters to attend to so I offered to cover for him.”

“Oh, I see, all right then… Um, doctor, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but I’m almost certain that’s not how you use the stethoscope.”

“Mm, interesting. My apologies, I suppose this was to be expected considering I’m not an actual doctor and all that.”

“What?!”

“Shh, please keep your voice down. Listen, I’m actually hiding from someone right now. Someone very dangerous.”

“Oh god, are we safe here? What if they find us?! Who are they!?”

“Fret not; I’m positive they won’t harm you if they arrive at our location. Well, maybe, can’t say for sure. They’re quite unpredictable.”

“Wow, that’s reassuring. Thanks a bunch.”

Some other person: “Harold! Harold I know you’re in here somewhere! You can’t hide from me forever!”

“Good lord, she’s coming. I’m doomed. Well this was nice while it lasted. So long, friend. See you in the afterlife.”

“Oh my goodness.”

That same other person: “Harold, come out now, or else! You used my shaving razor again, didn’t you? The nerve! You broke it!”

“Okay fine, stop screaming woman, for god’s sake. I’m in here!”

That same other person, again: “There you are. When we get home you and I are gonna have a little talk, mister. You’re grounded you hear me? No more PS4 for a week. And you have to massage my feet. Come now, chop chop. I’ll meet you at the car.”

“…Who was that, exactly?”

“…My wife.”

Reviews

[Hexan]

Ahaha, I quite enjoyed these. Nice work.

[zanymaybee]

Thanks! c: glad you liked them.