One sided love

Looking for the reason, why it had to happen to me,
I was already happy in life, why did God put me through this pain, I just can’t see.
Can’t find an answer, am still wondering why,
When, Why, How I am not sure,
It just happened in a fly.
Had no idea what lay ahead,
A beautiful feeling was waiting at the corner,
Had no idea the same road I go daily,
Would lead me to someone to bond forever.
Would lead me to someone to bond forever.
I met her just for cure and never had a thing,
Sessions went by and she talked, on matters that she wished.
I never talked much, just responded to her talks,
I was just concerned about my health,
Never ever stared at her wall clock.
Over time the relation got easy,
I too got out of my timid shell,
Liked her as a doc and as a person,
But it was slowly casting a spell.
It was just one of her simple talks,
And my eyes got stuck in her,
Though I looked away before being lost,
My heart beat made a miss.
Now the same clock runs damn fast,
Now the sessions seem to end so soon,
Now my heart pounds out of my body,
Now I wish to stay a minute longer in that room.
Now those couches and that chair, those stairs and that clock,
All seem so lovely, all seem to be mine.
Now the same road looks so beautiful,
And I am always humming tunes,
There’s an unexplained joy in me now,
As I feel same vibes coming from you.
Still I felt it's mere attraction,
Will be “out of sight out of mind” with end of sessions,
But God had planned beyond that,
One day as she inquired about my health as usual,
I looked at her simply to reply,
All got blank and I was lost,
As if my soul left me and rose to fly .
I couldn’t hear what she was asking,
I don’t know what I replied,
I could no longer feel my body,
I could no longer see anything that surround.
All I could see were her deep eyes, which were staring into mine,
All I could see were white clouds, floating all around.
I never felt that cloud thing ever in life before,
But it was something surreal, so magical and so pure.
It feels as it was just yesterday, each moment lives in me till date,
I try hard to get off, my heart is always in that state.
I cried and cried for hours wondering what’s happening and why,
Please God don’t trap me in all this, but it was too late to let go by.
I tried hard to shoo away all thoughts, I tried to lock my mind,
I fought with myself hard enough, all efforts seemed to defy.
I finally gave in, wondering, how I would go through this pain,
One sided emotions are always painful, and one has nothing to gain
.That day on, I could talk no more,
And she stopped talking too,
My eyes had said all for sure,
she showered rudeness all throughout.
she turned cold and indifferent,
Rudeness is all she had to give,
she was trying to show she wasn’t interested,
I got more and more submissive.
But still I felt in all that silence, our eyes did all the talk,
I wanted to say don’t be rude please,
I already am struggling with myself a lot.
I too don’t want to entangle in this at all,
I’m already fighting and asking God why,
Your rudeness is tearing me to the core,
My heart screams and I somehow hold the cry.
Each day, I enacted I’m fine,
Quietly going through the sessions,
But there were thunderous emotions inside me,
Guilt, embarrassment, pain and obsession.
Why do you have to be rude, I didn’t ever say a word,
There’s no place for emotions, in her heart so cold.
I just need a special place, or may be a special bond,
Or just respect my feelings, but you took me all wrong.
I could take no more of her rudeness and I decided to leave for good,
I looked her in her eyes and said I could come no more.
she looked through my eyes to read what she could,
>But I just smiled & left that day, my eyes said all for sure.
Come for one last checkup next week, was all she had to say, I knew I wouldn’t come, or else never would be able to leave thy.
she’s on with her life as usual,
But I’m struggling even today,
Sometimes strong sometimes week,
Crying to myself each day.
I am just a gone patient and not in her mind near and far,
I still have those moments so fresh that time can't mar,
Now I realize the vibes that I thought were yours,
Were actually my vibes coming back to me,
It tears me apart to think of it all,
Helpless and depressed, as could be.
I try to be strong enough and dig myself in work,
I try to keep busy, so you don’t linger on me 24X7.
I live you each minute, I live you each second,
she must be on her work, she must be on her way home,
I used to be with her by this time, I am still lost in my memory lane,
I wish to catch a glimpse of you whenever I see a model of your car,
I hope to meet you someday, if my luck is at par.
My tears follow me in markets,
In malls and parks and places,
They come out every now and then, the pain is just drastic.
Though you are just a few miles away,
I will never come back to see you,
You never respected my feelings,
Just showed cold attitude and rudeness all throughout.
I keep asking God, why having emotions is sometimes a sin,
I never asked for anything, I never said a thing.
Why can’t I get a chance to show her what I’m going through,
Why can’t I keep a bond that lasts a lifetime.
If you ever come across these lines,
And recognize me and realize it’s for you,
Please remember actions can be wrong,
But emotions are always true.
My actions were never wrong,
Nor characterless nor ever tried to entice you,
Had you not showed all that rudeness,
Even then I would just have gone quietly all through.
All I want to say is, we may not ever cross paths in life again,
You still will always hold a special place, in my life, my heart, my brain.
It's tears again dripping, as this comes to a closing end,
Remember, emotions are never wrong, they are always God-sent.