The Man Who Cleaned Up Puke With His Pants

This is a story about The Man Who Cleaned Up Puke With His Pants.

Jimmy needs a job so he walks into the local gin mill to drop off a work slate. He talks with the bartender briefly. She tells him that she is choosing to leave to persist new ventures, so this pub was indeed hiring for a responsible hardworker to work full time.

That is Jimmy, alright.

So he makes an introduction, glances at the score of the hockey game once or twice and politely leaves, his application in date.

Jimmy isn't from downtown, so he makes his stay worthwhile the trip. He walks across the street to The Ho Brewery for some homecrafted pints. Jimmy drinks alcohol.
The energies of human interaction excited him, as his attitude becomes more joyous by the tenth minutes.

His company changes paths down the street to Danny Zack's, where Jimmy continues on with his drinking crusade.

Danny Zack's turned into Speedy Larry's. When finished at Speedy Larry's, the intention to eat a pita was assumed. So he ate one of those.

Before the night ends, Jimmy goes for one last beverage at the only pub he can trust at this time of night. The same saloon he applies to work for.

"Long time no see", the bartender greets Jimmy.

Sometimes playing too much billiards makes Jimmy's stomach upset. So does stomaching two pitchers to himself.

Jimmy throws up.

All over and around the bathroom stall area.

But if he still wanted to work for this beer joint, he be better making a responsible action this instant.

Jimmy walks out of the bathroom and up to the bartender.

"Someone puked in the bathroom", said Jimmy.

The bartender looks at him straight-faced, "Oh yeah? Who did that?"

"I did", confessed Jimmy "but I cleaned it up. I used my pants", Jimmy grinned rewardingly.

"They smell though, so I left them in the bathroom" Jimmy continued.

"Oh yeah? Then how are you going to pay for your tab?"

"Oh, uh.." Jimmy stuttered, "I'll be right back"

Jimmy returns in five minutes and hands the bartender a soggy twenty dollar bill.

"It's kind of smelly", Jimmy says.

And Jimmy does not get the job that day.

Author's Note

don't steal my shit.