Wilted Tomorrow

 

 

Wilted Tomorrow


as I stand at the shore
the breaking waves remind me of providence
of a life long lost to me
a life condemned by the living sea
as I look into the naked sky
the heavens whisper sweet nothings to me
and I know I’ll never be permitted to flee

she comes to me in a haze of broken dreams
she places her brow upon my lost desire
a tears burns down my face
and sets my salvation on fire
so I ask why not me
why not her
why not us
is this more than just lust
am I making mountains from dust

I’ll never get back what she stole
and I’ll lay broken down and buried whole
so I ask myself when did I lose control
and who’s going to save my soul...

who’s going to save my soul



--Z.Silas Herrera

Reviews

[SweetPeachesAlways]

Great God, man! I love this! What a different side of you this is, dear friend! Wow. I love this! Oh, goodness, thank you for sharing this with us in here. Thought-provoking, poignant, beautiful and yet beautifully sad, heartbreaking even, feelings of melancholy wash over me...
Wow. All the very best emotions rushing over my skin....Going in my Favorites, so it won't be lonely from the rest of the stuff you write, cause I think they're all in there now!

[M@]

A really good read, truly.

I felt a bit of e.e. cummings throughout this poem, mainly for it's refusal for correct punctuation and capitalization. Ironic, how one can see the "I" throughout the poem to be an error and break in your rebellious nature of improper grammer, but this capitalized "I" gives the poem more subject matter than just a person in reference.

There were lines throughout this poem that seemed a bit wordy, some of which including the word "me". The reader already knows that there's a singular person speaking (more clues point to this through the word "her" and "us"), and this additional "me" thrown into some lines debunks the rhymthic flow of the poem you're trying to create. Though, that being said, I love the overall rhythm of the poem: much like the ebb and flow of the tide on a seashore, longer lines are usually coupled with shorter lines, creating for a fast-paced yet relaxing flow of words.

Sadly, I would have to say that the ending (here being the last two lines) are as cliche as they come. While the rest of the poem has tremendous wealth throughout, the last two lines do absolutly nothing; the ellipses here don't help either. Besides that, a marvelously written piece of work; good on ya'!

[Penny Ellen]

God, that's beautiful!

[Vatsayayana]

I must remember to thank Peaches for having me read this. She forwarded the link.
This is stunning and sad and heart wrenching.
I don't think people put enough value on their soul. How much it means. How much it can bleed and feel and hurt and cry and scream in joy and rage.
They never acknowledge the soul until they are face-to-face with it. With the consequences.
This is beautiful and I'm completely in awe.

[Dawn Jones]

I'll have to thank peaches for sending me this one.
I love the way you put this... so raw and complete. I am in this situation currently, so I know how it feels. I love the piece.

[April Child]

This is such a powerful poem it brought a tear to my eye. Beautiful writing from start to finish, I can't pick a favourite line or even stanza, I love the whole thing.

[Danielle Asher]

the idea of two people having to accept that it is over asking ourselves or our love the hard questions. ugh... so painful. It is the feeling of such a deep sorrow you feel in your bones. you wrote this loss with such eloquence and beauty.

[None]

Unmistakenly sad and heartbreaking. You show great feelings here in a very different way. Excellent!

[Marie]

Nice poem. Thanks for sharing.

[Collette]

Such a beautiful hopelessness...you captured the essence of a broken heart in its finest, without making it seem like some tedious piece. Good job!

[Phil Sanders]

A delicious poem ......