September 2007

Introduces protagonist Elizabeth Samms and realtor Shelly Yanoff at an open house.

September 2007

Megan Woodson stood at the picture window, trying hard not to be neurotic. Things are going as planned, but she couldn’t help wondering how long it was going to last. She’s the newest employee, highly recommended by her old employer, days before he expired. On the surface it appeared to be of natural causes. Underneath, an unanticipated side effect of a wonderful concoction she found on the internet.

Megan’s father, insisting on making her the boy he always wanted, taught her all he knew. To date the Smith’s are pleased with her performance. She showed them her vast repertoire, an unnerving ability to adapt to any situation presenting itself. Jonathan was impressed.

She heard a car door slam and assumed it was her one o’clock appointment. She hurried into the powder room opposite the kitchen and checked her appearance. She tweaked her shoulder length auburn wig around the hairline and pressed the spring curls inward. Her pale skin, two shades darker courtesy of Jergen’s natural glow moisturizer, is holding up although it was applied hours ago. A coating of bronze shimmery powder provides the finishing touch aimed for, the look of being at a resort. The blue contact lenses strictly for cosmetic purposes, covers her brown eyes along with a pair of reading glasses.

She smoothed another coat of red lipstick before primping the collar of her olive oversized shirt. Underneath is a floral v-neck tee, chosen because it camouflages her homemade tummy. She adjusted it while scrutinizing the position of the pillow. She also double checked the pillow hovering over her butt, flattening the duct tape. She gently tugged on the stretch pants, extending them over and above the pillows. Delighted that she looked like a pregnant tub of lard, she sauntered to the foyer, opened the front door, and waited on the front porch. It was show time.

 

B

 

Today is the day Elizabeth has been waiting for. She and Joe would drive by this Victorian home, way back in the 1990s when they were both young and dating, and dream of one day being its occupants. The location was ideal for them, on the border of Chestnut Hill and Mt. Airy. A quaint area known for keeping its historic charm intact, she envisioned herself gazing at the trolleys hurrying along the rails up and down Germantown Avenue or the splendid view across the street. Spring Garden College has nothing but acres of green pastures.

However if Joe was here, today would not be happening, at least not yet. They did get married years later and they struggled like most couples. Joe was different than most young men his age. He said from the beginning he wanted to have his own business. By the time he was 30 years old, he did, working hard at his craft of carpentry. Joe had a gift for whittling wood. He could take a log and carve the most beautiful design you’d want to see.

Two months ago he was on his way to meet a new client. Running late, he tried to navigate rush hour traffic. His car slid under the belly of a soft rig and burst into flames. Elizabeth was crushed. She tried to hold herself together, though barely successful. Even now she finds herself looking at the clock around five, the time he would have closed the doors and begin recording the day’s receipts. She’s not the only one missing him, there’s Desmond, their son.

“New surroundings would do us both a world of good.”

 

B

 

Megan sized up Elizabeth. With a height of 5’5”, two inches shorter than she, she muttered, “No hips whatsoever,” though she admired the snug caramel shawl coat hanging on her petite frame. Megan zoomed in on thick thighs flaunting designer riding boots, licking her lips as those thighs peeked out from the skirt’s placket. Her mind danced, ¯I’m going to take you under¯

Megan stepped off the porch and greeted Elizabeth at the top of the walkway. She flashed her real state identification and introduced herself.

“Good afternoon, I’m Shelley Yanoff, a realtor with Petraeus and Corzen. I’m covering for Margo Goodman, she’s ill today.”

“I’m Elizabeth Samms, I hope she feels better.”

“We all do, food poisoning has a way of making you feel like you’re dying. I had it once, bad Chinese food, you have to be careful of those places,” said Megan.

“Yes you do,” she said.

“Are you ready to see what’s inside?” she asked.

“Can’t wait,” she said.

Megan led the way into the home. She stood back and let Elizabeth explore, watching Elizabeth’s big brown eyes stretch even wider. She covered her mouth with her left hand, prompting Megan to notice her glitzy wedding ring. .

So what you’re married!

“This house is absolutely beautiful, very elegant,” crowed Elizabeth.

“Yes it is, let me tell you a little bit about this house, “she said, glancing at her notes, “it was built in 1910. There are a total of 12 rooms"

She gawked, “Whoa! 12 rooms!?”

“Yeah 12 rooms,” she continued, “the house has an open floor plan with a total of 3,573 square feet. The first floor has 1,325 square feet. The area we came in is called the foyer. This is the living room slash dining room. It is 22x22 feet, pretty large huh?”

“Yeah it is, perfect for me, I don’t like being confined to small quarters, ooh the kitchen” she said.

Elizabeth hurried to the kitchen and began opening the cabinets, “White, it’s nice and clean, like a hospital, the black granite sets it off though.”

Megan flipped through the file, “The size of this eat-in-kitchen is 13x11.5. As you can see there is cabinetry at the top and bottom, giving you plenty of storage space.”

“And counter space, love the double sink,” she said.

Elizabeth glanced over at the bathroom, “Ooh double sinks in the bathroom!”

She sprinted out of the kitchen into the bathroom.

“Oh yeah, I like a good size bathroom too, if you open that door, you’ll see the bath and shower area,” said Megan.

“Wow! Joe was right about this house, he was so right about this house,” she said.

“He saw the house before?” she asked.

“No, but he had an eye for measurements and always said that this house was the perfect size for us,” she said.

“Your husband had a good eye for measurements,” she said.

“Yes, yes he did,” she said, “He said that this house probably has a family room and he was right, it does, and it’s a good size. I can place our entertainment center on that wall.”

“The back entrance is right by the laundry room, which makes it easier to keep a watchful eye out on your son while he plays out back,” said Megan.

“Yeah, I suppose it does, but I would never let him play outdoors alone. C’mon show me upstairs,” she said.

They climbed the stairs. Elizabeth noticed the high ceilings.

“I hope you’re not going to let the fact that this house has 13 steps stop you from buying it,” said Megan.

“I’m not superstitious,” she said, “Wow! These bedrooms are huge!”

“And they aren’t even the master bedroom. They are a good size for children and you can get a full-sized bedroom suite in them. Oh by the way, all closets are walk in closets, the closet in the bedroom next door is slightly smaller than this, however, the room seems to be a little bit bigger,” she said.

Elizabeth moved to the room next door, “Probably to compensate for a smaller closet. I want to see the master bedroom.”

The moved out into the hallway, Elizabeth quickly glanced in the bathroom.

“This bathroom is identical to the one downstairs, except the vanities are on the opposite side. Do I have a master bathroom? she asked.

“No, I’m afraid this house has only three bathrooms. One on each floor,” she said.

“Does it have a private entrance to the bathroom?” she asked.

“Afraid not, you’re going to have to go down the hall,” she said.

“Oh well you can’t have it all,” she said, entering the master bedroom. “The closet is right by the door, it’s a good size too. Oooh, now I can have a king size bed!”

“Yeah you can, and have plenty of space to maneuver,” she said.

“I like it and I’m taking it. Me, in my very own mansion,” she said.

Hmph! Another progressive Black trying hard to assimilate into the upper echelons of my community! You may have the money and you may have the clothes, pretty soon you won’t have either...you people, I don’t care how much money you have, you’re still dimwits.

“Mrs. Samms this house is not considered to be a mansion. A mansion is very grand, very imposing. This just happens to be a very large house.”

“I know the difference,” she said