Week 9

I had a rough wee and I just needed to let these thoughts out of my head...

Picture all the worst things that you think can happen to you. That's exactly how my week has been. This quarter started off pretty but but as always we expect that things will get better. However, this was not the case for me, infact I can say with confidence that this got worse. My mom accused me of going to a party when in fact I was at the Griffith Observatory. She hit me and when I asked to show her proof that I was actually at the griffith park she didn't want to see them. She said she was not stupid and she knew that I was lying. The funny thing is that I had no drop of alcohol in my body because I had not drunk anything. For some reason my mom has always has this certainty that I am always lying. Worst part is that I had to sleep in the same bed as someone who had hit me for literally doing nothing wrong. This is because when I went to college my mom got rid of my bed so that my brother could take over the room. Now if that's not a sign for me to not go back home then I don't know what that is. Despite this, I pulled through and told myself that things were going to get better.

Fast forward to this weekend. I went to a party with my friend which was the first time that we went out this quarter. Of course we had a couple shots but it was nothing serious. We danced and it was a good night and i came back to my room and I actually made it to my 9 am class. My boyfriend has never been a fun of the party scene but I knew how to be responsible and not get myself into anything crazy. He was acting weird when we talked but I knew it was because I had gone out the previous night. So when we finally got the chance to talk about it, things obviously got heated. The last time I had gone out he was very mad that I had told him that I didn't get drunk when I actually did. So this time when he asked me I was straight up and told him that I had drunk. And that was it he looked at me and said that he was not going to deal with me anymore. He broke up with me. After all that we had been through, he was willing to throw it all away because of one thing. Of course I was very confused but i did something that I have never thought I would do. I literally cried myself off, well did I say that all of this was happening via facetime? Well yes it was. So i sat there for 30 minutes and begged for him not to leave him. I apologized and said everything that I thought would save the relationship. When I texted him telling him I wanted to talk, he said he didn't want to see me. That hurt so bad but I still begged him to give me a second chance. It was then that I realized why I was fighting for him so much. I had lost so many people because of my pride and I couldn't afford to do so anymore. I loved him and he had been the only person that I felt a connection with and I needed him in my life. Lucky enough he agreed to listen to me and he game me a second chance.

This week on Monday, my mom texted me saying I was selfish because I had not sent them money to pay their house rent even though I knew that they were struggling. She said that I was selfish and that I should keep my money and enjoy my life. She also brought up the fact that I had not sent money to my grandma even though he had told me to do it. Now in my defence, she had not sent me the bank account number so there was no way for me to send the money. But what scared me the most was that my mom who had been encouraging and literally forcing me to be an adult was now in a way jealous that I was able to be an adult and buy my own things and pay my own bills. I know I am supposed to be helping my family but I do it in a different way. I make sure not to ask my parents for any money when i am going to school or even when I need to buy books. I save up the money that I work for and I do all this by myself as a way of showing them that I am being more independent. However, my mother did not see things that way. Her and i have literally never seen things eye to eye, she is always right and I have had to live with this fact and now that I am in college I have learned a new way of doing things. I have learned to make my own choices and I just wish she can let me do so. At  the end of the week I apologized even though I knew I had not done anything wrong. I just wanted peace of mind so I did what I had to do which was to put my pride aside and be the “nice daughter” that I am expected to be….

Reviews

[JALP]

Keep your head up yvvie you are clearly strong enough to live through this. No man should ever make you cry for them, if they do they don't deserve you.