Never Be Alone

Over and Over for you...

I always thought that falling in love with someone would mean that I would have to change every aspect of my life because I would want to make sure that they loved me. I thought that after falling in love I would have to change my life to accommodate a new person and their needs. When people spoke of being in love I always loved to listen because I wanted to know what it felt like. No wonder, I spent all my summers watching romantic movies and reading romantic books. I longed for the feeling of being loved and loving someone like I saw in the movies

This weekend as we sat in bed singing Shawn Mendes “Never be alone” as the works flowed “take a piece of my heart and make it of your own so when we’re apart, you’ll never be alone..” right then I knew I had found what I was looking for. The way he looked into my eyes when the song was over, made me realize that he was everything that I wanted and more. In that moment, he was perfect-like he always is, but for some reason right then and there I saw something in him that I had never seen in anyone. He was true, he was real, he was mine, he was perfect and I was so in love with him because I realized whenever I was with him, I didn't have to change anything about myself.

He gave me hope, he was always there even when I didn’t want him to be. He knew what to say when I was in doubt and when I felt like I wasn’t enough, he looked at me and said “Don’t be embarrassed don’t be ashamed you’re perfect” and in that moment  actually believed it. I wanted him to realize that he had made me love myself and that is something that I had been struggling with for years.It was as if he had been in my dreams becasue he seemed perect in every sense. Of course we have had our ups and down but I can say that it has been worth it all and I would do it all over again if it meant I would do it with him.

That same night as we sang Shawn Mendes, we were talking before we went to bed and we kinda had a recap of our last few months. They have been hard because he goes to school in New Hampshire and I am in California. The time difference and the distance have played a key role in the last few months. I was not able to be with him and comfort him when he needed me. But that night he was honest with me and he told me that it had not been easy. We both broke down the same way we did over the phone but this time it was different. He was there and I could feel his tears, I could sense his fear but best of all I could hug him and remind him that I was going to be there with him. I kissed his forehead and I felt his heart racing, he was scared and in all honest I was scared too. I didn't want him to go through what he was going through. I wanted to take away the pain but I didn't know how. I wanted to make it easy on him because he is so precious to me and seeing him like that breaks my heart. Something about that moment when we were both vulnerable to each other was precious. He did not try covering up what he was going through to seem more “manly” he was honest and that is all I ever wanted.

I never knew anyone would mean so much to me, mostly because I hardly get attached to people. But with him it was not a choice, it was as though my heart knew he was the one. With him, I am myself, I am happy, goofy,childish,nerdy and everything in between. We both have agreed to put our education first because we want to have a stable life. We see things in a way that seems too real, as though we already have our lives mapped out. I see him in my future and I hope he will be in it and if not I can honestly say that he has given me something that I never thought I would ever have. He has given me love and not any kind of love but a love that I would fight for and every time i say “ For you 1000 times over”, I mean it. Because with you I feel complete and I want to have you for as long as I can so I can make you feel what you make me feel.