2

As I walk into school the first thing I think of is how much I hate everyone. I look around and all I see are empty and fake people. I envy the people that actually like themselves. Feel self worth and confidence. Especially the popular kids. Everyone knows and adores them. I wonder how that feels. Well, I’ll never know. As I walk into class, I see my friends and greet them. Ah, I feel like garbage today. It’s hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. It’s only November and I already hate going to school. I feel as if my body can’t move at all. I dread every single day knowing that I’d be depressed and anxious the entire day.

You know, I fear that the most. The fact that I know how I’ll be feeling today. I know I’m going to feel sad today and I know none of my friends are going to ask me how my day is. I don’t need to think about what I’ll be feeling today; I know I’m going to be depressed. I don’t know why I’m not used to it yet. Everyday feels like it’s Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V. I hate it. Nothing new happens. I go to school feeling stressed out and depressed, I go home and do my homework, eat a lot more than I should, take a shower, and go to sleep.

The thing that confuses me the most is that I feel lonely all the time. I have “friends” at school, but why do I feel so lonely? Oh right, because I never get invited to anything and I’m just a tag along. I go home and I feel lonely. My parents are always working and I’m locked in my room. As I said before, I know what my day’s going to be like, but it still catches me off guard. It’s so strange to me. Does nobody notice when someone’s feeling depressed or upset? I always see it. When I walk around school, I notice the kids that are struggling. I see it in their eyes. Heavy, weak, lifeless. Their face is expressionless and you can see that they’re out of it. Clearly, I am the only one who notices that because none of my friends do. The can never tell when I’m having a bad day. I can’t blame them though, I do hide it. But some small thing in me hopes that they’d somehow notice.

As I sit alone in the library, typing my life story on my laptop, during lunch -what I do on a daily basis- he approached me. The kid in my band class.

He was a pretty talented musician that everyone loved. The smiley senior that cracked lame jokes in the middle of class that somehow made people laugh. I never cared for him. To be honest, he was pretty annoying and I had been keeping my distance. I must have done something awful in my past life, because there he was; standing right in front of me, trying to start a conversation.

“Hey! How’s it going!”

I look up from my computer. Okay, be nice, smile, give him short responses, and he’ll go away.

I smiled. “Oh hey! I’m doing good.” I look down at my computer and continue to type away.

“What you typing?”

Oh gosh. Obviously didn’t get the hint that I don’t want to talk. “Just my research paper for English.” Once again, I go back to typing.

“Are you going to the basketball game on Friday?”

What is up with this dude?!

“Yep I’m going. I mean we kind of have to because of band.”

He laughed. “You right...but I’ll see you then!”

I watch him walk away. Nobody ever talks to me. I sit at the same table in the library everyday. None of my friends wonder where I am and even if they’re in the library, they don’t even talk to me. I wonder why he came up and talked to me. I want to know more about him. Things are getting interesting.