...of Seconds That Felt Like Hours..

Experimental. I haven't written in a while so idk...

I saw the tears in your smile, 

the nervous tension you attempted

to mask with rapidly overlapping

words, the edge in your voice,

 

a resounding crash of reality trying 

to bring us back from neverland...

 

but my ears sought your voice,

strained against the winds of time,

as each second felt like an hour,

which we hadn't lived a minute of...

 

and each of your various efforts

to push me away, lay scattered...

 

I heard the silence in your breaths,

made meaningful by the sweet

nothings you whispered next,

sliding ever so gently across my skin,

 

like someone poured whiskey

on a cold afternoon.

Reviews

[Carthage Thorne| The Wi..]

This poem is like biting into a soft, cream-filled dark chocolate, where the flavor is subtly sweet but the richness of this particular piece gives it that bitter yet not-so, after taste, making it irresistible not to want another bite. Your flow is smooth, and the meaning is heartfelt, a poem filled with emotion overall wonderfully written. Nicely done!

~CarthageThorne

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for your lovely words here, Carthage. Appreciated :-)

[Jibey]

How well this captures the delicate and flimsy moments in many a relationship, tinged with uncertainty, with sweet and sour emotions. The rapid words and the edge - signals of nervous anxiety, the suspended time, the lost of words and intentions, the effort to sustain warmth and civility in a room with the unwelcome chill of air-conditioning - these details create the febrile mood of the scene.

The form of the poem is well crafted, providing the right support for the fragile feelings stretched across the words.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for your lovely review of the poem and for liking, Jibey. Much appreciated :-))

[Chris Shaw]

A write by someone who is clearly in tune with her own song even if he isn't. I like the detailed observation. An excellent write Dr Y.

Chris

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I'm glad you like it, Christine. Thank you so much for your lovely words here :-)

[Coyote Poetry]

I am liking your poetry dear friend. A bit of jazzy words and some sadness. Time, we cannot control or own. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for appreciating, John. Glad you like it :-)

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy and you are welcome my dear friend.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Beautiful- id like to know what happened next- is it a yes or a know- glad the intentions to get rid of you didnt work- obviously meant to be- wonderful🌹

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ah, it's an ongoing story so far and I'd like to see where it leads myself ;)
Thank you so much for your lovely words here. Appreciated :)

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

Pleasure always🌹

[moog-drika]

The last two lines took me to another world. I literally lost myself there in such depiction. No matter how much reality wants me to get back, I would still prefer dwelling in this writeup of Neverland. Loved it.
*hearts*

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Glad to have that affect on you, m-d! Neverland is a nice place to be at if someone else is there with us, I think ;)
Thank you so much for your lovely words and for appreciating :))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love the last two lines...sometimes we just don't want to take that drink of love, but we really need to allow ourselves a nip here and there...might end up wanting the rest of the bottle...and it may be good for us.
j.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I agree, not too bad to try it sometimes. And I find it works quite well for some of us.
Thank you so much for appreciating, Jacob :)