Shatter me ~ to pieces

Experimental.

Shatter me

to pieces, I thought,

as my fingers killed time,

tracing the blues of

your ink, faded.

Shatter me 

to pieces, I thought,

as I sat and sat, looking 

through the glass window,

flashes of pretty pictures passing 

in fast motion, obscured.

Shatter me 

to pieces, I thought,

as I paced around my room, 

my heartbeat the sound of 

thunder and my breath, laboured.

And shatter me

to pieces, untouched.

Author's Note

Not really refined. Still feels unfinished but oh well..(saved for later edits)

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

i feel this one for sure..the repetition works particularly well says i ...there are almost terrifying moments we are shattered ...its numbing ... almost makes one sick to the stomach ... i like bringing the "outside" world into the scene as we are all connected to it no matter our personal experiences ... but in this one .. that world is un-graspable as it blurs by ... i don't think i would change much on this if anything ..it is very complete to me ...maybe expand imagery, colors and scents somehow ... but not needed to create this poignant moment ..and i love that pic ...along with your title the first thing i see is the shattering of her face ...in horrible grief ..good stuff Dr.
E.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for your thoughts and suggestions on this piece, Einstein. Glad you like it. (:

[barleygirl]

I love the way you’ve crafted this message with gracefulness more than drama. As always, your writing is super original & you pick vivid details to make your writing pop. This reminds me of how some people can be unknowingly crushing a person just by disregarding him/her . . . kinda like my birth family! *sigh!* Fondly, Margie

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's the first time someone told me my writing pops and I like that very much :D
Thank you so much for your lovely words here, BG. Always appreciated. Hugs.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Thoughts and emotions taking us to distant places only we know and understand ourselves- the effect of emotions reeling and heartbeats ceasing according to words spoken or written and thoughts of how to perceive each one- ink fades, but memories remain forever- wonderfully written🌹

[Dr. YumnaKay]

They do indeed.
Thank you so much for your words here and for appreciating, RP. :)

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

My pleasure- enjoyed your words🌹

[Neville]

These words are outstanding in a fragmented and beautiful kind of way.. Your experiment is a total success in my book..... amazing artwork too ....thank you my friend.............. Neville

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Almost all my poetic pieces are written in fragments, I find it hard to really assemble them in a good way. But I'm glad you like this one. And yes, I'm quite taken with this artwork too.
Thank you so much for appreciating, Neville. :)

[Neville]

no apologies necessary.. you have written something a little bit special here and I think it is great... N

[Lyn Anderson]

I am sure others will have their takes and I have mine. When we are strong, and we stand against one who tries to shatter us with their words and actions, sometimes we come out the other side better, intact.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I think at times that is what happens.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for reading. Appreciated.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I used this piece of artwork for a poem "Historian" long ago. It struck something so deep within that I stared at it for a long while. I instantly felt that depth here today. Your words to me to an even deeper meaning.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

When I was looking up a pic for this piece, I couldn't stop looking at this one either, though my words in the poem seem inadequate in front of the artwork, still I decided to use it. Glad you felt the depth still. And I'll check out that piece of yours.
Thank you so much for appreciating, Queenie. :)

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Maybe we are each a piece of it....would certainly explain the overwhelming need to just sit within it....

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's a lovely way to describe that feeling.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Picture and poem so evocative and filled with emotion. Verses raw with pain? Desire?...provoked by ink on a page....Repetition of title as first line of verses, and breathtaking last two lines- dramatic, raw. “ And shatter me to pieces, untouched.”- pow! magnificent write.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's such a lovely review! Thank you so much for appreciating, Annette. Glad you like it x

[Aaron]

wow , this was deep, keep writing

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for appreciating. And oh, I will ;)

[JayDee]

There’s something missing in this write . Non the less still a good piece

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I think you're right re this piece missing something. I feel that too, hopefully I'll rewrite it soon.
Thank you so much for giving it a read still and for the encouragement, JayDee. Appreciated. 😊

[JayDee]

A pleasure, looking forward to the rewrite :)

[00000000000000000000000..]

That is a very deep expressed write

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much, Jon. Glad you appreciate. 😊

[0000000000000000000000000000]

You are very welcome