If I Die Tonight

Spontaneous write.

If I Die Tonight

And if I die tonight,

I will remember 

the places you touched, 

the folds on your skin.

and I will rise 

in the tumult of day 

when you whisper my name.

With a glazed smile 

lingering upon my lips, 

my thoughts will float

if I die ~ tonight.

Reviews

[LazerRays]

If you died tonight; I'd be so sad so don't you ever die, yumna hahaha. You know what I like to call this type of poetry? Mom poetry ;) nevermind me ignore that hahahaha! Idk, I'm probably over thinking this but this is making me kinda sad. Either it's the thought of you dying or the jealousy of who you originally wrote this for. Hmmmmmmmmm jk!!!! :P nice one. Thumbs up. Applause. Yeet.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

:P well, you do know me and that I don't write like this anymore ;) but oh, I'll have to remember who I wrote this for hahah
Thank you so much for your words here and for reading this sappy one even though you don't like this genre ;) don't overthink too much, I'm all yours lool :P

[LazerRays]

Hahahaha ;) I know :P

[Jes' Pi]

Hello Yumna!

I really missed your romantic and delicate poems.
Fortunately, today, I had the chance to read this sweet-tempered and electrifying poem of yours.

The significance of the poem is very well chosen and presented. I also like the way you choosed the writing style.

I spotted only two grammar mistakes and I will rectify them for you:
"The folds OF your skin"
"In the tumult of THE day"

Your verses are comparable to the verses of the song "Don't cry" by Guns N' Roses, which is a very delightful thing.

I didn't have much to say as a result of my gladness to read this poem.

Good luck! Never stop!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Heyy, Jes!
Firstly, thank you so much for appreciating this piece. I'm glad you feel that way. Re that song, I'll check it out ;)
About the mistakes you pointed out, I don't think that applies on what and how I wanted it to be conveyed. Adding 'the' before 'day' would hinder in the flow of this piece and is quite redundant. Same with my usage of 'on' in the other line you mentioned. I do appreciate your thoughts over this. Thanks again :*

[Jes' Pi]

My pleasure!
Oh, well, I'm sorry, haha. It is still a good poem and I am really glad that I had the chance to read it!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

nah, no need to say sorry, sweetie :* I appreciate your feedback very much :))

[Jes' Pi]

💜(.........)

[BBP]

Beautiful as always. You’re poetry reads so soft and smooth.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's so nice to know you feel that way about my pieces. Thank you so much for appreciating, Bev! Hope you're well over there. x

[barleygirl]

You have masterfully crafted the universal idea of appreciating what's in front of us, becuz we could die at any moment, using so few words to paint a complete idea. Nicely sensual, as well as deeply meaningful! *smile* Fondly, Margie

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for your lovely review, BG! Glad you appreciate :)

[R.E. Ray]

Another heart-touching poem from you. So sincere and humble. Perhaps the greatest example of love, thinking of another as we drift away.

I always enjoy reading your work. It's so authentic.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's such a humbling praise! Thank you so much for appreciating, Robert. I always try to be (:

[Einstein Noodle]

had to read this as soon as i read the title Doc!!! its a subject that should be as common among us humans as talk of work, family, friends, dreams, births, celebrations etc etc etc.
ohhhhhhhhhhhh and such beauty in this romance ..i absolutely love this ... the title so integral to the poem ..and your words flow as smoothly as the love between these two you describe ..lovely lovely lovely read for me!!
E.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ah, I'm glad you like it, my friend! I was afraid this piece would be taken as suicidal...
I appreciate your lovely words here. Thank you so much :))