I am ~ unraveling

Experimental... probably...

​I wonder about​ the music, the sound of your soul - deep voice which fills me in

 

I wonder about the silence, more profound than your soft, nuzzling whispers which brush past

I wonder about the electrifying stares, fiery glances and the meaning they carry right over to me 

I wonder about the embrace which used to envelope me and now seems lost;

wandering alone --- I am ~ unraveling. 

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Yumna Hi. I like the lyricism and flow in this. And I really like the way the final line almost sums up the others and reaches the conclusion that matches the title.

I do, however, question the core word 'wonder'. To me this word has always been imagination of what-ifs, exciting possibilities, etc. You seem to be using it to reflect back. So for me, this is dissonant. Just me being too literal again ....!

BRs Nigel

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I appreciate your being literal, Nigel. I think you are right about that word choice. What I had in mind when I was writing was kind of an innovation with this word. Maybe this didn't carry out as intended.

Thank you for liking this piece :)

[Nigel Newman]

I think it could be a trawl through the thesaurus for a single word verb to replace 'wonder' ...! It's the only change I'd make. In all other respects it works well.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I'll certainly go through it then :) thanks again :)

[Carol Cashes]

Agree with Nigel Newman about the lyricism and flow. I would, however, keep "wonder" except for the last line, then use "wander" to emphasize the journey of unraveling.
Nicely done.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That is indeed a nice suggestion. Thank you for that and for appreciating, CC :)

[An owl on the moon]

How the sounds and silences come and speak into our souls so deeply from those we love. Yet, this unraveling feels so painfully cold, threads of your life being pulled apart. In the wondering may you find a peace, somehow, dear poet.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your words here, Craig. I appreciate it. Glad to see you around :)

[An owl on the moon]

Glad you're still planting your garden here. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

And you too :-)

[J. J. Nightingale]

So many questions, so many whys ...
We sometimes are left wondering
forever ................
about Love..

Soft-Real- Honest

JAZZY

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Yes, and those wonderings always leave us somehow incomplete...
Thank you for your words here :)

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are welcome...................:)..

[J. J. Nightingale]

Oh, what is a INTJ Cancerian, ?? ...

[J. J. Nightingale]

Forgive my stupidity........:)..............

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh, INTJ is actually my personality type. Idk if you know about the MBTI personality tests?.. And Cancerian, well it's my zodiac.. I'm a Cancer :)
I wouldn't call it stupidity 'cause I kind of jumbled the two things :p

[J. J. Nightingale]

OHHHHHHH.. Thank you !!!!!!!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome :))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh wow, i remember this well, the cold stares, the flinching when i reached for her hand...and the silences that were deafening.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Deafening silences, yes exactly... More powerful than some noises.. Thank you, Jacob. I appreciate your words here.

[Tony Jordan]

You nailed the point of the writing malarkey here Yumna. You connect so well here.
The overt wistfulness is tempered by the emotion beautifully.
Superb!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I had to google the word 'malarkey' lol but do you really mean 'meaningless'? 😎😶😛

Thank you, Tony. I'm glad you felt the emotions here :)

[Tony Jordan]

You don't do meaningless. You are deep like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIz-ERkEvao

xDD

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah this reminded me of the time when I jumped in a pool ...and I don't know swimming lol :p

[Tony Jordan]

Now that's impulsive. Why did you do it?
My friend dove into the deep end and miscalculated the depth to the bottom - smashed the tips off both front teeth - the edges of them -
the nerves bared to the cold water and cool air - *shivers*. He was in agony!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh it was a dare lol maybe that was the time around which I started taking 'truths' over 'dares' haha

I can only imagine :p luckily for me my friends were already in so I didn't have to endure much ;p

[Tony Jordan]

I once read that true mermaids are afraid of water but compelled to go in and then a transformation occurs in which they fall in love with the water and swim like a fish.
(Nah, I made that up) lmao

You were lucky (and a bit mad...haha)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahahah even if you made it up, it cracked me up 😛😂 makes me wonder where are the false mermaids :p maybe you call the human females as the false ones ;)
I'm still mad haha.. And so are you :p

[Tony Jordan]

the difference between a real and a false mermaid...hmm... thats a 'tail' to tell. ;D

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Tails are what distinguish them lol :p

[Tony Jordan]

and seashell bras. Coz they outgrew their b-shell bra.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Err okay lol :p

[Tony Jordan]

Lmao
...and then she deserted the sinking ship and left him to drown...lol

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Seems like that's what happened here 😛😛😂😂

[Tony Jordan]

Like Leonardo Di Caprio in Titanic. haha

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I've actually never watched that movie :p too gooey for my taste haha 😂😛

[Tony Jordan]

Gooey....gooey...!?!
Theres intrigue, s*x, gambling, drinking, Irish jigs and reels, crime and untold deaths...and a gooey ending! That's like saying poetry is 'wordy'.
Nah - I'm kidding...it is a bit crap...lmao

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah well since you've now told what the movie is about so I don't have to see 😛😉
And yea poetry is wordy lol you got that right, TJ ;)

[Tony Jordan]

Damn ! I forgot to include ***WARNING SPOILER*** lol. But who doesnt know what happened to the Titanic ?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I know the real version not the movie one lol probably they died haha :p

[Damien Ridge]

I loved the piece. I picture a person sitting there, kind of mesmerized by someone. Someone they've known a while I think. Captured the feeling you were trying to put out well, I felt something for sure, a wondering... Thanks for sharing!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Damien. I think you summarized what I tried to convey really nicely. I'm glad you felt it :)

[Mr.Writer]

Such an elegant, realistic and emotional poem!
As it embraces the readers into the story just like an envelope...
Well done Yumna, keep it up!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Shaan. I'm glad you like it 😊

[Mr.Writer]

No problem :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Wistful, questioning changes in a relationship..,"Unraveling"-great title expressive of the poet's turmoil. Elegant words and gentle flow. Lovely poem.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Annette. Always appreciate your words 😊