The Keeper of My Demise

As always, experimental...

~ words fail me ~

as I struggle to keep on with your pace, I gasp for breath but no air comes and you, the keeper of my demise, lunge forward; my lungs ready to collapse in your heady scent...  

the fiery blades of your eyes unleashing what you had held within for so long, piercing the sides of me... your penetrating gaze did what the softness in them could not; a while back

              ~ words fail me ~             

Reviews

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

We are our own keepers besides He who’s made us- to be controlled by any other is like selling our souls to control- being broken controlled and manipulated is not what we are born for but to encourage bless inspire and by doing this we fly free- we all are at different levels stages but it is said that no one is better than the other - we are all the same but given different responsibilities- deep thoughts and touching write- 🌹

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I agree with your words here..and yet, there are some who give away themselves at the expense of losing everything they were. ..
Thank you so much for your insight here. Appreciated.

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

Pleasure- just the way I see things- guess each to their own- but there’s a thin line between good and bad I believe 🌹

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

This is awesome... great job

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for liking :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is a good kind of demise...dying from love...

the penetration of a look...great double meaning.

and i like the "lungs ready to collapse' again the double meaning...as if about to...but also quite prepared.
j.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I like your thoughts and interpretation more than this piece :)
thank you for appreciating, Jacob.

[apennylate]

Reminds me a bit of your verses in our collab'... Great break-ups and pauses... Only you, keeper of my demise, can rewind your penetrating lies... Other than that... Words fail me in reviewing this... Steadily penned...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Aye, I had indeed that style in my mind when I was writing this piece. Thank you for appreciating, Silente :)

[apennylate]

If I may... I MIGHT use "could not", instead of "couldn't", Then possibly end with a "T" sound, like "fall flat", so it works better with scent... But then again, both versions work... Either/or, I enjoyed the style, keep at it...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

your suggestion has merit, thank you for pointing that out. I'll change it :)

[apennylate]

Oh... Well... I did not really mean change it, aha... Meant no real criticism, just thought the word "experimental" meant you were exploring stylistic options... Figured I would inject my help... It is really good either way...! Maybe just something to think about next time...!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

experiments mean improvement in my opinion and I gladly accept it :))

[apennylate]

^^Right...? Experimenting DOES usually happen with the end-goal of improvement or progress in mind, hah...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Indeed, Sire 😊

[apennylate]

Lmao, *sir*... Fixed it for you...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Lol 'Sire' is old English for 'Sir' 😎😛

[apennylate]

... Are you calling me old...?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Grrr no lol 😶😛

[apennylate]

It will not let me reply with "lol"... What a cheap system

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahaha yeah the 10 character system sucks 😶😛

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Love the title and everything about this poem. We fall off a cliff at the end and remain wondering. Eloquent, vivid imagery- the chase and the capture. "Words fail me"...breathless....Perfect!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That we do, indeed. I'm glad you liked the imagery, it was just something I wrote off my mind... thank you for your words here. I appreciate it :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

I like your mind Y.! :))