Destruction

Edited version.

My eyes vacant, 

my skin 

loosely hanging 

on to my bones;  

 

my mind playing 

that scene 

of the last time 

I let you take over

my soul.  

 

Destroyed, 

shattered;

 

your hypnotic eyes 

~

marked my destruction. 

   

 

My ears 

straining 

to hear 

your melodious voice  

 

that made my heart

 swell with 

unspoken emotions,  

untold, 

broken promises;  

 

your hypnotic eyes

~ 

marked my destruction.

Author's Note

Tired of writing sappy romantic stuff 😛

Reviews

[emmajoy]

' .. your hypnotic eyes ~ marked my destruction.'

Whether face or fiction, those repeated phrases stress emotion. It's quite amazing what writers have lurking in the imagination, waiting to come into being.

Yes, indeed, this is a change of style and subject for you. But, tis finely put: dramatic, certainly dark yet - conscientiously phrased. Brava.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your appreciation, Emma. I quite agree with you. Imagination is the sole gift which makes a writer, in my opinion...
I'm glad you liked this :)

[Mary]

raw and powerful! and holds much truth!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your comments, Mary. I appreciate it 😊

[Jes' Pi]

FINALLY.
Jesus Christ, God, finally...YOU MADE YUMNA WRITE SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

This is a sad and "brutal" poem, not romantic, not soft, not like the most of your poems. You did the poem very right, you showed anger and sadness, a tragedy in your words. You should write more like that, because you killed me, gurl! ;)
P.S. Sorry for not reviewing the other poems, I was bussy these days, and I randomly clicked on your poem and wanted to review it badly.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh God, your review had me burst out laughing! 😛😂
I felt I was going too soft haha so here I am 😉 don't worry, Princess! I'll try to write more brutal stuff from now on 😂😉
Thank you for this lovely review! Glad you liked it 😊😊

[Jes' Pi]

I wish I could give 1000/100 but it is not possible lol!
If you need help for brutal stuff...you know who to ask ;)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah sure I know! But I can't be as brutal as you are, ya know 😉😂😂

[Jes' Pi]

Open the f*cking email because we will fill your review section with boring s*it😂😂

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Errr what? 😎😎😎

[Michael Iam Bone]

I'm impressed at your improved presentation of this piece, I like the picture and the font, as well as the format. My only major criticism for this piece would be that it seems a bit short for the content of the poem. The content seems like it could use more, it felt incomplete. What is there is good though.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I accept that piece of criticism. I myself wanted to expand this but failing short of words, I posted it as it is for now. Maybe I will get back to this..
Thank you for appreciating as well as giving your honest opinion. I'm glad I could impress you, Michael 😊

[Michael Iam Bone]

lol thanks

[Mel Jayne]

I really like this poem, it's very creative. The description is the strongest part. I also studied the artist of that painting for art class, they are really interesting, the ideology behind the paintings is that beauty and youth are temporary. It seems quite similar to it's use in your poem.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for shedding light on the painting. I chose it randomly based on the image in my mind but didn't get into the details..
I'm glad you liked the poem. Means a lot 😊

[Ted Kniffen]

Well, when you say no to sappy romantic stuff you mean it. There could be any number of entities to which this would apply. Maybe it's just me, but I pick up a hint of Dracula or another being with hypnotic eyes. Good write, Yumna

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I didn't think of a dracula. It was def a human in my mind 😉😛
Thank you, Ted, for your thoughts here and for liking 😊

[Island Hippy]

Aloha Yumna, a heavy emotional write, but may I say it feels like this enticing kind of sensual destruction as well. When you already know what the outcome will be, the opening lines cry emptiness. So well done. I hope this makes sense... haha. Izzy

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This does make sense. Even more than the poem which I wrote without thinking lol 😛
Thank you for your words here, Izzy. Truly appreciate it 😊