Destruction

Edited version.

My eyes vacant, 

my skin 

loosely hanging 

on to my bones;  

 

my mind playing 

that scene 

of the last time 

I let you take over

my soul.  

 

Destroyed, 

shattered;

 

your hypnotic eyes 

~

marked my destruction. 

   

 

My ears 

straining 

to hear 

your melodious voice  

 

that made my heart

 swell with 

unspoken emotions,  

untold, 

broken promises;  

 

your hypnotic eyes

~ 

marked my destruction.

Author's Note

Tired of writing sappy romantic stuff 😛

Reviews

[emmajoy]

' .. your hypnotic eyes ~ marked my destruction.'

Whether face or fiction, those repeated phrases stress emotion. It's quite amazing what writers have lurking in the imagination, waiting to come into being.

Yes, indeed, this is a change of style and subject for you. But, tis finely put: dramatic, certainly dark yet - conscientiously phrased. Brava.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your appreciation, Emma. I quite agree with you. Imagination is the sole gift which makes a writer, in my opinion...
I'm glad you liked this :)

[Ana B.]

As all of the existing mythologies would claim, the universe was born from chaos and destruction. I don't know how true is that, but just like death is an instrument as necessary as life, the same is destruction...so you could arrange the new ''atoms'' in a new, superior way :) Loved this. And, yes, sappy romantic stuff can get old quickly.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I thought the world was born from nothingness, but that's an interesting perspective 😉😊
I like your thoughts on this one, Ana. Thank you. And yes, romantic gets boring after a while haha 😛😛

[Ana B.]

:) i guess even nothingness has a source....i mean, the Energy Never Dies....and the word END has a different meaning ....

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Woaah why didn't I know of that 😶😶

[Ana B.]

lol, don't mind me.....this is the influence of music...haha (Black eyed peas had the END album) which is a funny way, but still, made me think :D

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah music has a thinking impact on you? That's something lol it takes away my thinking capability 😛😂

[Ana B.]

lol, yup, music makes me think and there is no poem that i wrote so far without music :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's cool! And there's no poem I wrote without food haha 😂😂 that makes me think 😂😛

[Ana B.]

hahaha :) as long as it works right?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

As long as it's in the stomach hahah 😛😂

[apennylate]

This destroyed me with elongated sensation of rhyme... Hypnotically I despise soul-shattering eyes... Obliteratingly penned...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I like your sense of reviewing a piece 😉😊
Thank you, Silente. I appreciate your words 😊

[apennylate]

Thank you, YK, and most welcome...

[duff]

"Your hypnotic eyes marked my destruction"

Those repeated lines definitely carry suspense and a dwelling darkness with them. The placement and execution is spot on and made for a great read. Nice work

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, duff. Glad you liked it. I appreciate your words 😊

[duff]

My friend you are welcome. A pleasure

[BBP]

Love it! Even though it's not sappy, it still has such a soft undertone. I like how you romanticized the destruction love can cause!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Uh uh I think romance rubbed off me haha and it finds its way in my writing even when I don't mean it lol 😂

Thank you for liking, Bev. I appreciate it 😊

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Sometimes romance really does get old.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Yeah totally agree! I got bored haha 😛😉

[.]

A very lovely poem.

This flows with a delicate sadness down the page; in mourning for a love that once was, and now shall never be, destroyed by the lies and deceit of another.

The end of a relationship brings great sadness, a sadness that has a whole bodily effect, and you have illustrated that very well here in so few words.

And as far as writing sappy poems, that is no crime, but it is always a good thing to change things up once in a while. It all depends on the emotion one feels at the time of writing.

A very soft and gentle poem. With a great picture to accompany it. Nicely done.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your thoughts and for liking this one, Doodley. I appreciate it 😊

[Mr.Writer]

Definition of Sappy: excessively sentimental; mawkish.
To be honest, I don't think your writing has too much sentimental phrases to distract the reader from reading, in fact, they're very good! :)
This piece isn't really sappy :)
It's a dark, dramatic, eerie poem with a creepy and interesting picture...
You've given the readers the details they needed when reading this poem and no verses felt rough in this awesome, eerie poem! :)
The repetition of
"your hypnotic eyes, marked my destruction"
was well said and placed in the right spots as to the end of the first para and the end of the poem :)
Well done Yumna :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah thank you for the info regarding sappy, Shaan. I still think some of my writes were exactly that lol 😛😛

And thank you for appreciating this one too. Glad you liked it 😊

[Mr.Writer]

No problem Yumna :)

[Kesha]

Lol I loved your authors note, this is def NOT romantic ;) I loved this piece, dark, and yet beautiful. One very small suggestion, here you have:

unsaid emotions,

For me it sounded better with "unspoken emotions" instead. Just a suggestion my dear friend. I really enjoyed this piece, it was a lovely change of style. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah thank God you didn't find this romantic 😂😛
Hmm you're right in that suggestion.. I'll change that..😊
Thank you for appreciating, Kesha. Means a lot 😊

[Kesha]

Haha yes :P
You are very welcome :) It is a beautiful piece!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

well this surely isn't sappy---
it has rough edges...the destruction isn't just to the heart...the body shows the hurt, the pain, the lack of caring for life when one loses a relationship---feels used and left---
but when another comes along to heal the wounds of the heart...the outsides will reflect.

j.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

'sappy' referred to my previous poems, so I intended this to be a change from that...
And yes, you're right in your thoughts, Jacob. Thank you. I appreciate it :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, i figured you were doing just that. and that is why i was reaffirming that this poem is far from "sappy"---it is deeply reflective and spot on how it feels...to be destroyed.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh oh well thanks again 😊

[barleygirl]

Your message has strong impact for those of us who've known this controlling kind of love. There's a bewitching combination of softly longing ("your melodious voice made my heart swell") and harsh realities ("your broken promises marked my destruction"). You've captured that teeter-totter as it can really be for the controlled one.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your thoughts on this piece, BG! You summed that up really well :) I appreciate it :))