Heaven on Earth

Free Verse...

                           

Heaven on Earth

All attempts at saving my heart

 from the inevitable failed.

And I fell headfirst 

into the pool of your charms.

You wove a spell, 

surrounded me with your words

and I, helpless

at the magic that was cast...

beckoning me into 

the warmth of your touch,

which makes my heart aflutter,

leaving me restless

and wildly so, 

as I await your next touch 

and the traces 

it leaves on my slightly moist skin, 

anticipating

as to the wonders we have 

yet to discover...

I delve deeper, 

not knowing 

where it would lead us,

and with the belief only 

that it will be okay as long as 

we're together...

I smile as our hands intertwine

and it feels already like

Heaven on Earth...

Author's Note

Just words...

Reviews

[William Liston]

Absolutely beautiful. This is one of those rare pieces that successfully captures a moment's beauty in its essence, and pulls the reader into every detail. I envisioned this like an emotional scene in a movie, with both the action and feeling prevalent throughout. Great job at creating that effect.

A minor quibble: The line "which makes my heart aflutter" took me out of the moment for some reason. Not sure why. Suggestion: making my heart aflutter.

- William Liston

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for appreciating, William. I'm glad that effect carried out well.
As for your suggestion, I think you're right. I'll look into it :)

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Oh what a beautiful feeling and the place shared by two heaven on Earth- where time and live and promises are forever more- wonderful words🌹

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for appreciating this old piece of mine. Seems like a long time since I wrote it and somehow a whole different person too. ..

[RannunculusBlooms]

i love the vibe this poem gives me!! the words you used were perfectly descriptive. Such a lovely poem!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you. Glad you like it. I appreciate your words here 😊

[Jessy Milena]

omg it's so nice you can't believe it!
i like your writings but this one is so amazing.
Keep it up!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Jessy. Glad you liked it. That's very nice of you to say 😊

[Michael Iam Bone]

The strongest aspect of this poem is its ideas, they are well expressed and contain substance. My major criticism for this piece would be punctuation, there are many places where it is not needed or uses the wrong punctuation (most notably the liberal use of semicolons). There are also a few places where punctuation is needed. Overall this piece does average, though if the grammatical errors weren't present this would have received an 83 rather than a 75. All in all don't let that discourage you, and keep up the good work.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I think semicolons add to the pauses required while reading any piece. However, I'll look into it. Thank you for the constructive criticism, Michael. I appreciate your words 😊

[Michael Iam Bone]

the grammar isn't that big of an issue, it just looks kind of tacky, particularly the semicolons. They look nice but semicolons aren't really used that often and over punctuating for every pause isn't usually needed. Again it's up to you but I've learned from experience that it can easily become cluttered and amateurish lol

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Strange cause I learned exactly the opposite. Usually the reader does not know where exactly to pause which makes the piece sound flat, and this I learned from experience too. But yeah, I see your point...

[Michael Iam Bone]

It's about finding a balance between too much and too little

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hmm true...

[Coyote Poetry]

Kind and gentle journey leading to proper and hopeful ending.
"I smile as our hands intertwine;
and it feels already like
Heaven on Earth..."
The above lines. A place, we need to know often in a lifetime. Thank you dear friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your appreciation, Coyote. Glad you like it 😊

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

[Tony Jordan]

Sorry to hear you've contracted this disease despite the innoculations.:)
This is lovely. I wish I'd written this to a certain someone back in the day.
:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

hahah lol this is funny ;p
thank you for appreciating this one, Tony. I was beginning to wonder if the Easter bunnies got to you ;P

[Tony Jordan]

The only bunnies that got to me over the holidays were the cute little ones in 'Watership Down' - I got something in my eyes and they leaked water :')

You're welcome Yumna

[Dr. YumnaKay]

errr okay.. :P

[Tony Jordan]

OMG! You haven't watched Watership Down have you Yumna? Sorry.
It's quite an entertaining animation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpxxd1Jg9sM

[Dr. YumnaKay]

No I haven't.. I'll add it to my list :) thank you ;)

[Tony Jordan]

It affected me quite a lot....in fact...
I wasn't able to eat rabbit curry for at least a day after watching it ;p

[Dr. YumnaKay]

lol that means it's bad :p

[Tony Jordan]

haha - no it's very sprititual...
And you remind me of the main character - Fiver.
Quite an eccentric little bunny-wabbit.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

haha yeah eccentric I can do with :p

[Island Hippy]

Aloha YumnaKay,
He kehau ho`oma`ema`e ke aloha -- love is like a cleansing mist... this is a traditional expression of love in Hawaiian storytelling -- it becomes new in every moment you are together.
Really gorgeous writing, I am a hopeless romantic :) mahalo for this. Izzy

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for this beautiful expression and your words, Izzy. Made me smile :)
I'm glad you liked it :)

[Island Hippy]

You're welcome.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Well.... that was something

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ahh well.. Thank you for your words 😊

[MsJewel]

Absolutely charming! :) Julie

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your kind words, Julie. Appreciate it 😊