In My Heart ~ You'll Stay

Composed in Eighths 'n Sixes...

              

 In My Heart ~ You'll Stay

 

Flowing my veins, your love unchains;

like fire through forests, spreads.

Covered in mist, I can't resist; 

now, we lie in flowery beds.

 

Your loving charm keeps me warm;

doubts before, shied away.

  Swirling oceans, my emotions …

within my heart you'll stay!

 

You lift my soul, making me whole;

catching me unaware;

you kept me there, deep in your prayer;

whispered softly, "I'm here"...

Author's Note

Another one of my learning experiences with Richard ~

Reviews

[William Liston]

Such a heartwarming piece ... you did very well with this form. The rhymes sound natural and unforced and the word-flow is seamless and rhythmical. I also love your descriptions in that they're both simple and effective. The visual presentation is a nice bonus too : )

A consideration: In the last two lines, you use the words "unaware," "there," "prayer," and "here," which all sound similar. This off-set the flow as I read, so I suggest changing the rhyme in either the second and fourth lines of the last stanza, or in the third line of the last stanza. This suggestion is, of course, quite subjective since the reading of that could vary based on one's dialect.

- William Liston

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Yes, I agree about your suggestion, William. It does sound similar. I'll be looking into it.
Thank you for the appreciation. Truly appreciate your words :)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

beautiful.this was expressed so wonderfully.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you! I appreciate your words 😊

[Wajiha Nayeem]

my pleasure..

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Beautiful and so romantic.
Full of love and longing :)
I really liked this poem, i feel the love and emotion :)
Please keep on writing :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I'm glad you feel the emotions here. Thank you, Cimmy. Always appreciate your words. And I will :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Your very much welcome :)

[Tina H.W.]

Oh my goodness, YumnaKay, that was so beautiful! You certainly captured the essence of two people in love.
Really love the photo with your poem too.
Really beautiful poem. Well done :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for this lovely review, Tina! I'm glad you liked it :) :)

[Tina H.W.]

It was my pleasure entirely. It's a wonderful poem, YumnaKay :)

[Surya]

Haha, it's a smile on my lips after reading your piece..,
It's a desire of aching heart to be one....
Anyways writers can love in a different adorable way than rest of the world,.....
I liked your description here...:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Probably the first time you smiled after reading something of mine lol ;)
Thank you for appreciating, Surya. I'm glad you liked it :)

[Surya]

With heart for first time, it's my pleasure Yumna..:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

haha good to know ;P

[Jibey]

A happy sort of jingle.. somewhat ballad like. You managed the rhyme pretty well and it gives the piece its light-hearted feeling.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh oh I'll correct it.. Thank you for the appreciation, Jibey 😉😊

[Jibey]

Always a pleasure to challenge you :-) :-)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That I've come to know ;) :p