In His Eyes I Gazed ~ and Drowned

Composed in Villanelle form

In His Eyes I Gazed ~ and Drowned...

'Pon a voice heard, I turned to merry sound,

like tingling waves caressing 'gainst my shore.

In his eyes I gazed ~ and right away drowned!

So lost before, I wanted to be found;

to feel his touch within my very core;

'pon a voice heard, I turned to merry sound.

Whispers in the wind, swept me off the ground;

and when I looked down, no fear anymore;

in his eyes I gazed ~ and right away drowned!

Towards his melody; then I was bound.

Higher and higher I let my heart soar.

'Pon a voice heard, I turned to merry sound,

Oh, what sweet dreams, just to have him around!

To fulfill those delights of moments before.

In his eyes I gazed ~ and right away drowned!

With his soft music, my heart he'll surround,

as there's no one more than him I adore!

'Pon a voice heard, I turned to merry sound.

In his eyes I gazed ~ and right away drowned!

Author's Note

~~ Another one of my learning experiences with Richard ~~ 😊

Reviews

[Tina H.W.]

Wow....is it permitted for me to cry? For this doth truly make me weep! It's gorgeous, Yumna. It's happy, emotional and so true. We've all felt these feeling at some point. Anyone who reads this and doesn't feel their heart heat is surely bereft of a soul.
I loved it! (I'm also a little jealous of your skill with words) ;) :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Well, I didn't know someone could cry over this but probably allowable 😉
Thank you so much for this awesome review, Tina! I feel I don't deserve such praise..
Oh and did I mention I'm jealous of your story writing skills? 😛 so we're even hahah 😂
Thanks again 😊😊😊😊

[ROXANE DORSEY]

well learned and thanks for this wonderful talent.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you too for appreciating this effort 😊😊

[Tamara]

I almost cried when reading this. Exceptional writing.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Tamara. Truly appreciate your words here :)

[richieb]

A heartfelt write that shares dreams and a chained heart. Much emotion to share a tale of longing and a spent soul. Your words let us relive a time in our own lives when we were "all in" in giving our heart to another. Thank you for your honest write.
Richie b.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for your thoughts on this piece and for liking, Richieb. Truly appreciate it 😊

[barleygirl]

I'm not a big fan of repeating lines just for the sake of poetic form, so I usually don't like villanelles. In this case, however, your repeated lines do not draw attention & feel like a natural flow of the storyline, so the repetition is not distracting like so many villanelles can be. I love the title which is imaginative & fits well into the repeated lines. Good job with this form!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I'm really glad you liked this one despite your not liking the villanelle form in general.
Thank you for appreciating, BG. Really means a lot to me 😊

[MsJewel]

Forms can be difficult as they can be so rigid in structure that the content suffers. However, your content is lovely, the form is wonderful and the flow of your words are divine. You nailed this one. Beautiful writing! :) Julie

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you. That's a great compliment for me. I agree, forms aren't easy to manage.. Glad you liked this one :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Oh my, I really hope you can swim, drowning sounds so, tempting. Im sure he would know just what to say.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

In the rare event that this does happen, I hope so too 😛

[Nicholas Shea]

Wondrously executed! Villanelle poems are so much fun to read and write! This is certainly no exception! Bravo!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Yes, it is fun indeed.. Thank you for liking. I appreciate your words 😊

[Nicholas Shea]

I wrote a Villanelle called "The Unveiling" If you get a chance, I'd love for you to read it!

[Tina H.W.]

Talented AND modest! Seriously, Yumna, you have a gift and I'm glad you're sharing it :)
Oh and, er, thank you so much too!!! :)

[Tony Jordan]

You really have given yourself over to this poem and it shows in the depth and eloquence that comes surely from the heart's ink drops.
I love Vanilla - 'ell I love all flavors of ice-scream

You can keep this up Yumna - plz.
:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much, TJ! I'm glad you liked it 😊
You have the knack of breaking my heart by the "ice-scream" thing 😂
I love all flavours too 😉 will be sure to let you eat when you come for extractions 😂😂😂

[Tabby Mac]

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!!! You are talented girl!!! Love the flow, message, BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! It's perfect! Blew me away!!
Tabby

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for this amazing review, Tabby! I'm glad it touched you 😊