Eclipse

Primetime: An original form, created by Charlyne “Char” Zurick © 06/24/2010

Eclipse

This moment and forever,
hopes buried of together;
of ocean tides washing sand, 'neath our feet.

Away with wondrous semblance 
of all thy sweet remembrance;
those starry nights filled with our mingled heat.

Every bit I shall forget,
‘tis hard, I must now admit…
when my lonely hand strays beneath the sheet.

Those wint'ry days…coffee sips,
lives o’ershadowed by eclipse;
our love, I'm afraid, remains incomplete...

Author's Note

A new form which Richard taught me as my learning experience continues 😊

Reviews

[barleygirl]

While I'm not familiar with this form, your rhyme & rhythm feels natural & well-structured. It seems like this message blends the styles of a more formal Elizabethan language mixed with a more casual everyday imagery. Good job for a learning experience!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for this nice review over my little piece, BG. Truly appreciate your liking 😊

[Richard🖌]

Though, it's true, Yumna, that I taught you the form, creativity and originality are those aspects of poetry and writing that must spring forth from one's very core … their mind, heart, soul, and emotions … in such a way that grips the reader's imagination and senses, that makes words take on a life of their own and dance upon the page … as you've so skillfully done in every line and verse of this enthrallingly and tastefully presented piece.
Thank you for the honor of letting me teach you, to help you further develop your potentially amazing skills, and for the pleasure of reading another of your truly heartfelt poems … grateful hugs 'n blessings to you, Yumna! ⁓ Richard : )

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Richard! You're always kind in all your appreciations of my work. But you know, I wouldn't have written this without your expert help. And thank you for bearing with me still. 😉
Your words mean a lot to me 😇😊

[Richard🖌]

Paying it forward, Yumna, to one whom wants and deserves it, and what a distinct pleasure you make it for an olde bard! ☺️

[Writing Angel]

wow, this reminds me a little of Shakespeare haha ... great work wonderful flow...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's a great compliment! Thank you, WA! Truly appreciate your words! 😊

[Writing Angel]

your welcome!!!

[CAPOLAVORO]

I love it. This one of those amazing poems that I would always love to read again and again. You nailed it darling! :) The love is truly in the air though the words sounds in despair. Keep writing. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much, C! I'm glad you felt this write :)
And I agree, love remains although people move forward..

[mercy party]

Your writing fluently presents the feeling of missing someone. A very strong write, I am left curious and not quite sure how to articulate my interpretation of it though I sure did feel it.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, MP! I think it was a mixed feeling with which I wrote this..
I appreciate your words :)

[Surya]

It's a beauty, go on with your practise, churn it well, .....I enjoyed reading...:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Surya! I'm glad you liked it! I hope to do that 😊😊

[Ardra]

You are turning out to be more and more wondrous poet...nice form of poetry....keep learning and sharing let your creative juices overflow :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much, Ria, for the appreciation! It truly means a lot! I'm beginning to quite like what I'm learning so I will 😊😇

[Jes' Pi]

Beautiful! I enjoyed your poem so much! :D
Work hard!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Abel! I'm glad you liked it! And I will lol 😛😉

[Paul]

Nicely done! I truly enjoyed reading this poem! Keep up the great work! :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you! I appreciate your kind words 😊