Eclipse

Primetime: An original form, created by Charlyne “Char” Zurick © 06/24/2010

Eclipse

This moment and forever,
hopes buried of together;
of ocean tides washing sand, 'neath our feet.

Away with wondrous semblance 
of all thy sweet remembrance;
those starry nights filled with our mingled heat.

Every bit I shall forget,
‘tis hard, I must now admit…
when my lonely hand strays beneath the sheet.

Those wint'ry days…coffee sips,
lives o’ershadowed by eclipse;
our love, I'm afraid, remains incomplete...

Author's Note

A new form which Richard taught me as my learning experience continues 😊

Reviews

[barleygirl]

While I'm not familiar with this form, your rhyme & rhythm feels natural & well-structured. It seems like this message blends the styles of a more formal Elizabethan language mixed with a more casual everyday imagery. Good job for a learning experience!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for this nice review over my little piece, BG. Truly appreciate your liking 😊

[JayDee]

Hi Yumna, i know you posted quite a while ago but i must say, quite a nice write. A soft, heartfelt piece.
Really brings imagery to a readers mins when reading.

Thank you for sharing :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Does seem quite a while ago, yeah :x Thank you so much for reading this oldie of mine and for appreciating, JayDee. Glad you like it :))

[Verse]

I'm just getting to know your poetic style, but I am loving what I see. I really need to carve out some time for a proper visit with your work. :):)

V

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ah, you humble me. Thank you so much for reading this older piece of mine and for appreciating :)

[Mr.Writer]

Really nice job Yumna! It's a heart whelming piece!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for the appreciation, Mr. Writer. Means a lot 😊

[Mr.Writer]

No problem! :)

[Kesha]

I really enjoyed reading this Yumna, I thought it was purely elegant. It painted such a beautiful picture :) Nicely done as always

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Kesha! I'm glad you liked it! I hope you're doing good. You haven't been around 😉😊

[Kesha]

You're welcome! I am good, just been busy & tired a lot recently, haven't had much time to come on here! Maybe I'll post something tonight, I wrote another Villanelle poem, it's alright, nothing compared to yours :P

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Lol I'm sure yours is good! Don't underestimate your talents, Kesha 😊

[Kesha]

Thank you ;)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome 😇😇

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Love the words that bring the water to my mind,
well said with your pen!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Josie! I'm glad you liked it 😊

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You are welcome!

[Mary]

this poem flows like a sigh! Amazing work, and your rhyme scheme is flawless, and the "tis, and thee," add a timeless quality to a personal yet universal theme. In short, your poem is honest, true, beautifully written and added to my favorites

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Mary! I'm so glad and humbled that this piece touched you. Truly appreciate your kind words. 😊😊

[boygene borice]

Away with wondrous semblance
of all thy sweet remembrance;
those starry nights filled with our mingled heat.

I loved this lines. they have a greater intensity and weight

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, boygene borice! I'm glad you liked it 😊😊

[Ken Simm.]

I think it was the naughtiness that I enjoyed here more than anything. That and the natural flow.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Um I'm glad someone enjoyed that part too 😛
Thank you, Ken! I appreciate your words 😊😊

[Sonakshi Arora]

This is so well written (had to refer the dictionary quite a few times :) ) Amazing write!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Sonakshi! Happens with me too ;)
I'm glad you liked it :)

[Sonakshi Arora]

My pleasure!