Shield

Ramblings of a raging mind...

I shield my heart 

in the hopes that when the time comes 

I'll find the true purpose. 

I stray away from people, 

denying myself the simple act 

of being happy for once. 

Walking away from you. 

Because I don't have the courage to tell you 

that I've stopped feeling, caring 

or even thinking about you. 

I shield my mind 

from the raging thoughts that keep creeping up, 

telling me to face my fears. 

Those fears that keep me awake, 

late at night. 

That fear of falling in love with you. 

That fear of being hurt 

if it doesn't work that way. 

Because I don't have the courage to tell you 

that if even for one second, 

I did see our future together.

I shield myself 

away from you in the hopes 

that it's all for the greater good. 

The only courage I have is to tell you, 

that I'm bored. Bored of you. 

And although it makes me cruel 

in your eyes, 

it's better that way 

than to have myself heart broken. 

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

We know every word from one's pen must first reside in the mind, even if it might express pure fiction, but in having read this piece, it is my sense that much of the author is revealed in your prose-laden commentary, Yumna, as I feel it is actually reflective of your own experience … for me, it's just to genuine feeling not to be.
And, for me in perceiving you, this makes it even sadder to dwell on such hurt and fear of affection and commitment; but, it's completely relatable, too, as it could well have flowed from my own pen, albeit not as clearly direct and passionately expressed.
Your grammar, syntax, line breaks, powerfully expressive word choices, and punctuation are pristine in form and ease of read, flowing seamlessly within each verse, connecting reader and poem beautifully.

Though, filled to the brim with pain, doubt, unrequited need, and fear … I thoroughly admire, respect, and enjoyed reading this excellent piece, Yumna … thank you sincerely! ⁓ Richard : )

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're right when you say this isn't fiction. For this write was indeed brought on by a personal experience. But this made me form a decision which helped me be at ease of mind..

I'm glad the feelings came out okay ( and a little relieved that you didn't see the need to edit in this one 😉😛)

Thank you so much for your kind words, Richard! I truly appreciate it 😊

[Richard🖌]

It's all your fault I'm so smitten … LOL!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah I don't feel guilty at all 😂😂😉

[Richard🖌]

Me either! 😜

[Pravir]

Well I must say u have great way to express your feelings in such beauty . . . . the title is very clearly justified after reading the story :-) I think if these words were framed in a poem. . . then it would have been a great work. . . and I was a bit confused to understand the actual state of mind . . . in some lines you have showered all your love . . . . on the other hand you are saying that you are bored ??? Apart from this it was nicely written . . .

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it 😊

[Writeforlovely]

I understand where you are coming from. this piece feels very relatable. great job :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for understanding the emotions here and for your kind words. I appreciate it 😊

[Jibey]

This makes me feel sad... a reminder that no relationship is without pain and hurt

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I'm sorry that it made you feel sad. But yes, some relationships do hurt.

Thank you for your thoughts here.

[Mona]

I can relate to it. Because i feel confused at times.
Poem show's a woman who wants to make it work but does not want to do it by lying.
Being honest breaks the fantasy.
But it is for our best.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I appreciate it 😊

[V]

It's a sad mindset to find oneself in and a sad decision too. You're right, that comes off very cruel but I can actually relate. It makes things easier at times, I wish I could shield my heart and mind better sometimes to be honest. And even if I said a hundred times I don't regret the broken layers of my heart, they become destructive, very much so, lately. A good rambling, well expressed.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I'm finding it hard to actually tell this to that person but writing it out sort of helped. How do you actually tell someone that you're bored of them without hurting them?
And thank you for sharing your thoughts here 😊

[V]

The well-known communication problem. I don't know, either. I think you always hurt people doesn't matter if you want to or not. You can't control their feelings, you can only try to be kind as best as possible. I always say "I can't promise not to hurt one because getting hurt is inevitable dealing with people but know that I don't intend to"

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hmm guess I'll have to do the same.. Thanks, V 😊

[V]

You're welcome. x

[Tony Jordan]

Ordinarily the heart rules the head because it regulates all. It only takes it own Heart-mind off the job of regulating when it finds its soul-mate.
The result is turmoil. Arrythmia and love-chaos. A vacuum. A power-struggle. Only the brain can save the day by constructing a plausible scenario/reasons and a producing the ultimate whitewash report to justify turning away from the soul-mate. The head will take the fall. It will be the patsy in the conspiracy.
The result is poetry such as this amazing introspective piece Yumna. Bravo!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I find myself having conflicts between the two. It's mostly the other way round for me. That when I listen to my head, it makes the situation easier to bear.
Thank you, Tony! Always appreciate your kind words 😊

[Tony Jordan]

In the final analysis there will be a balance struck for the sake of the whole. Then there will follow days of agreement that the correct action was took (rare) and days when one blames the other - like in a two-party state - political points will be scored (more common).

You're always welcome dear Yumna. :))

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hmm and so it continues...

[Tony Jordan]

etc., etc., etc... lol

[emmajoy]

' .. when the time comes I'll find the true purpose .. '
You've created a rambling of worries here, needing to understand its enormity. The repeated 'I shield'.. ' is, to me, a laying down of necessity. Perhaps? Sad start to finish.. first person intentions weeping.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

The words reflect what the mind feels at the time. This was written in a state of confusion. So, yes it is haphazard...