When Time Ticks

In collaboration with Nickdykstra..

As time TICKS so does our lives,

There's a certain era for these cries.

 

Reminisce of the remaining story lies,

 

Relying the end to present a prize.

 

The solution of this has to thrive,

 

It's nothing simple but destructible lies.

Protect one another from the other,

 

Obstacles twisting within another.

 

Created and caused trying to smother,

 

Making each wear certain attire.

 

As time ticks further I realize,

 

That what a blessing it has been in disguise.

 

Though we move forward,

 

Not knowing what's in store for us

 

In time we will recognize. 

Horrors of the wars should be minimized,

 

All the world left with each to harmonize.

 

Stop looking at heaven and the skies

 

We have the solution, let us improvise.

 

Thus it seems impossible now,

 

We will see it work wonders, be mesmerized. 

Nicholas Dykstra©2016 

Yumna Karim©2016

Author's Note

I know I said I won't be posting anything but this was written earlier..So strictly speaking, I haven't written anything for the past few days😂
So this is a poem where the last 11 lines have been written by me and the rest by Nick..

Reviews

[...]

Hello lovely, this is nicely done, I'm pleased to see that you've reworked the form so it's more uniform now...it's reads with greater fluidity, and is more cohesive. The content is thought provoking and as I read I thought of what's happening in Syria just one of the many places in strife atm. When poetry prompts you to think critically and universally that's a great gift as far as I'm concerned. There are some great lines but in particular I enjoyed the hope filled words of the second half of the piece. We need those types of attitudes and words to lift us up. Starz x

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I appreciate your thoughts on this one.. Though I must say not everyone thinks like you do on this issue.. I'm glad you understood the message here which I think is the most troubling thing happening these days yet no one stands up for it.. Thank you for the kind words :)

[emmajoy]

This is a ripe piece of writing, two minds trying to harmonise but .. only just succeeding. For me this subject needs fewer attempts to create words that rhyme. For me that makes it child-like in parts.. makes me frown and/or smile, rather than my heart be touched.

Things being what they are: Humanity turned on itself, Man demandings victory at any price - that needs more than there is here. For me a flow of emotionally concise words are needed rather than sometimes gulped phrases - however finely laid.

Forgive my honesty, but i so wanted to read this particular collaboration.. that is what i've been searching for, Yumna, for some time. But, having read it twice, i think you'd prefer me to say how i feel.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Reading this again, I totally agree with you, though I might not have understood it at the time it was written (being a novice) this should be reworked but sadly the writer I worked on this piece with, is no longer active on WC...
I truly do appreciate your honesty and your words here. Thank you for checking this out (:

[emmajoy]

Thank you for accepting my thoughts, they aren't meant to offend. So many people read and run, afraid to leave what can be seen as dislike or an iota or negativity but is merely a personal kindly meant opinion. Methinks your intellect understands.

(Have often wished a third button to say: 'Viewed' but can't be bothered or whatever.. ) !!!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Aye, of course I do. During all this time in the cafe, I've come to know the very best of people who really do mean what hey say without the intention to offend and I greatly value that as I do (you)
And I agree too! The view button sure is lacking around here...!

[emmajoy]

Must away... later hopefully, life allowing. Tarrah.

[Kesha]

Aha I found it ;) lol :P.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Haha cool! Thank you for checking this out, Kesha 😊

[Kesha]

Haha you're welcome

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Time really can be something so provoking in our lives

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Yes true.... And mostly when we want it to stop...

[The dark story]

"There's a certain era for these cries."
This line caught my attention. Thought provoking.
The need of the hopeful words which comes flowing down when nearing the end is a quintessential thing required b today.
"Stop looking at heaven and the skies
We have the solution, let us improvise."
A very straight forward and wise line.
A nice write.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much, Atiba! Certainly hope and the need to do something ourselves is what we should be doing.. I'm glad you like it ☺

[The dark story]

It's a pleasure. Yes, true. Having that very thought can make a big difference

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Great work you two!
I loved the way it all ends on a hopeful note.

Collaborations are always fun! :D
Keep going!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hey thank you so much! Yes I loved collaborating with Nick! It's actually my second piece with him :) I'm glad you liked it :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Pleasure's all mine girl!
Keep going!

[.]

Reading this poem makes me realise just how difficult it is to compose poetry in partnership with another poet.
There is no doubting the worthiness of your message; that is very well outlined and your words are hopeful and full of wisdom.
My only problem is the poem has a stilted flow, certainly because it is a co-written piece. Poets of similar style can maintain a uniform flow throughout a piece. Reading this makes it seem like there are differences in the styles of writing between you and your partner. This appears most at the source of your rhymes and its unorthodox structure. Something perhaps to have a closer look at to make the piece flow gently.

Otherwise, marks for trying a difficult format and having a hopeful theme with a generous message.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You do have a point, I agree.. Collaborating isn't easy especially if the partner is from across the world.. I wish to improve.. There is always room for improvement.. Thank you for understanding the underlying message here.. I appreciate your views on this one ☺

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree my friend.
"Stop looking at heaven and the skies
We have the solution, let us improvise."
We need a positive outlook or we will become lost. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, yes indeed.. I'm glad you liked it :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy and you are welcome.

[Giulia King]

I love your collaborations! This poem has a nice flow,
we need to do something so that we can change how the world looks like today. We have to be the voice

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I agree! I wish we could do something in actual instead of just being the voice, but for now we'll have to settle for that..
Thank you, Gullia! I would love to collaborate with you sometime if you would like to 😊
Thank you for the kind words here! Truly appreciated ☺

[Giulia King]

I'd love to! Message me and we can plan something good :D

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Cool! Will do ☺ though my last message remains unattended 😂😂😂

[Giulia King]

I'll message you!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Lol sorry kidding 😉 feel free though 😊

[The Exiled Wolf]

This is a lovely piece that brings hope to the ones who are desperate at the moment, either under the stress of life or the horror of war. Good work!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

A positive attitude is what we need, yes! Thank you! I'm glad you liked it 😊

[S. Meijin]

This is beautiful. It rhymes very nice and those words able to deliver the message clearly. You're right. We need to do something in order to change. Unfortunately, some people didn't realise that. You did a great job on writing this poem. Love it very much. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hey thank you! I'm glad you liked and understood the message here.. I have co-written this piece with Nickdykstra so this wasn't my idea all along but I'm happy I wrote.. Thank you for your thoughts here! Truly appreciated ☺