Voices

Rewritten.

The cold wind will blow;  

but the memories never go,

 

away to the land where 

none can be felt or heard ...

sitting here, I can hear the voices, 

calling my name in the wind - that blows. 

Neither feeling nor hearing, 

here I am; 

waiting for someone to show 

the grief --- within.

Author's Note

This is the first ever poem of my life ;)

Reviews

[V]

But a good one because of its sincerity. The words are simple but on point, the images behind them vivid. There's a sharpness in the ache which emanates from your words. The cold of wind adds to the atmosphere, grayish as the grief within.

One thing I'd like to suggest: I think it'd read better if you used will instead of would or just the usual present tense.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Vanessa. I appreciate your words on this one.
About the suggestion, I think you're right.
Glad you like it 😊

[V]

I do 😊 You're welcome then.

[Diamond]

cold winds blow
But memories never go
Away to the land where none is felt or heard_
Sitting here I hear the voices call
My name in the wind
Neither feeling nor hearing here I am
Waiting for someone to show
The grief within_

Expression as it is. Minor changes to make the flow better. It's a beautiful write as such.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much!! i really appreciate the changes you made :p
thanks for visiting.

[Diamond]

Revisited this page. You are a kind person by heart....I love this poem.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Queen! I think everyone is deep down... I'm humbled by your remarks 😊

[Diamond]

So true... blessings your way

[Dr. YumnaKay]

😊💜......

[Carrot Monster]

A really nice piece of work. It's quite simple but really expressive. Good job. I loved it and I'm looking forward in seeing more of your works. Just one thing, include more punctuation.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you! I really appreciate the advice. Will definitely improve as time passes.
Nice of you to drop by. :)

[Carrot Monster]

The pleasure was mine.

[aLittlePain]

Another nicely expressed piece. Grief is a mystery really, unique to each individual, experiences are what enrich us. Some poignant questioning thoughts here. Well done. R xo

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Though the grief is unique, yet every one can relate. I just wish we could learn from the experiences and move forward. Thank you for the insight!

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest, real emotion and good wish and ending to the poetry. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you Coyote for liking! I think what comes direct from the heart can be better understood.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree and you are welcome.

[Papaya]

A rather melancholy piece that longs for understanding of grief and the reasons...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Some things are best unsaid. But I know what you mean. These are just random thoughts which came up to my mind. But I will definitely try to improve.

[Papaya]

It's good, I liked it. We interpret things in a way that relates to us, as readers.
It's good when that happens. Great job.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you ☺ but there is definitely room for improvement.